Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through
Kyoko could barely believe it when she saw them leaving. She didn't even know what she was feeling anymore. She knew that this was the end. She knew that after this there was no one else left to help her. No one left to save her. Why did they have to leave? Of course Kyoko understood why they couldn't stay. But still... it felt so much like a betrayal. First Hitoshi getting rid of the wine and then they were leaving her alone with her father. She had no idea what to do.
But her body knew what she had to do. She had to go and bring out the dinner for them and then quickly get another bottle of wine and serve that as well. And after that she'd have to tidy up the kitchen, make sure that it was spotless clean. And then she'd wash her hands and wash her face, before getting into her room and hoping that her father would get too drunk to remember that she was living with him now. But of course she wasn't going to leave it all up to chance.
She brought them their dinner, she brought them their wine, she went and cleaned up the kitchen until it was spotless, before hanging up her apron again and making her way upstairs to her room. She could hear giggles and moans from the living room as she passed by and she knew exactly what was going on there. Hopefully that would mean that her father had enough already.
But from experience that would only make him hungrier for more. She felt nauseous just thinking of it. She quickly went into the upstairs bathroom to wash her face and her hands, before heading into her own room. There were so many boxes standing around that she hadn't even unpacked. She'd have to find her school uniform at some point, but thankfully the police had labelled all her things well enough. She'd just have to go through all the clothes boxes.
She sat down on her bed. The mattress was way too soft for her and Kyoko already knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep well on it. Not that any of that ever mattered to her father. He had gotten her the cheapest stuff he could have gotten her, because he genuinely didn't care about her. The bed was going to do fine for what he had in mind anyway. He didn't need anything fancy. Would make it cheaper to replace the mattress when it became too stained, too.
Kyoko felt a hot tear running down her cheek. She was barely aware that she was crying. Everything felt like it was really far away again. She knew she should probably try to unpack some of her things or try to get some sleep, maybe do some homework, but she felt like she was paralyzed as she was sitting on the bed, waiting for the worst. She knew she should at least get up and take her pills, so she'd be numb for the whole ordeal. It would take a while for them to kick in, after all.
But she still couldn't move. She was getting cold, but she couldn't bring herself to move under the blanket to get a little warmer. She was starting to shiver, but it didn't matter. She just felt so betrayed. Why had they left her here with him? Why had they done that to her? Hadn't they promised to make sure she wouldn't have to stay with him? Well, they hadn't exactly promised it. And of course, Kyoko knew how these things worked. But still - she had hoped it might be different this one time. She had hoped that things might actually be okay for once.
But here she was, in the room she was always staying in when she was visiting her father for the weekends. Only that this wasn't going to be over after one weekend. This was going to be for the rest of her life - or rather until she was 18. Maybe longer, if she wasn't able to move out on her own. And Kyoko was sure that if she made any money at all, her father would find a way to take it away from her. She was going to be trapped here, unless her father was dead.
But that apparently wasn't an option anymore, either. Maybe if she told his girlfriend... but no. No, no, no. That would probably just end terribly for her. She wasn't going to leave him because of something that his daughter said. No matter how much sense it made. And if she left him, then what? It wasn't like she was going to do anything to get her out of this situation. She didn't care about Kyoko.
Kyoko had no idea how much time had passed until she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She knew that it was both her father and his girlfriend, but he was probably going to bring her to bed and then a few minutes later come into her room. Not enough time to pass out from drugs... shit, shit, shit. She had to find her pills and take them now. She should have done this ages ago, why was she still sitting around as if she had all the time in the world?
Kyoko got up and quickly grabbed a few pills, a combination of some that always worked pretty well and gulped them down, getting a few sips of water to wash them down her throat. Now she just needed to wait and hope that they were going to kick in quickly. Or that her father wasn't going to come to her room for a while. Maybe he wouldn't come in at all... but no.
She had seen the look in his eyes, he was definitely going to come in and do whatever he wanted to her. There was no doubt about it. There wasn't really anything that could stop him, not unless he was dead. She had that chance this evening, but Hitoshi had ruined it for her and she wasn't sure whether she should be grateful for that or not. She didn't want to be a murderer, but... this was just as terrible...
Kyoko inhaled sharply when she heard steps coming towards her door. She saw the door handle move down slowly, the door creaked open, just a tiny bit, then a tiny bit more, until she could make out her father's face in the dark. She wanted to sit completely still, but she pulled her legs up to her chest and moved closer to the wall, pressing her body against the wall, trying to be smaller, to melt into the wall, to become invisible. Unfortunately that didn't work.
"Oh, you're still up? I thought you might already be full of drugs and passed out somewhere." her father said to her.
"What are you doing here?" Kyoko asked in a quiet voice full of fear. She had barely been able to remember just how terrifying it was to be conscious for this entire ordeal. She was terrified because she didn't have the effect of her medication yet - she wasn't knocked out yet.
"You know what I'm doing here. You're my favourite thing in the world, after all. I can't believe that you got your teacher to show up at the house. This better never happen again, Kyoko, are we clear?" he said to her. Kyoko gulped audibly. She wanted to nod, to agree with him, do anything that would make him less angry, but she couldn't move. She was still paralysed with fear.
"No answer? I see. Well, it's not like I need an answer from you. It won't happen again. I'll make sure of that. Now this is going to be interesting, Kyoko. You've always been basically half-asleep for this, but now... now you're actually awake. That's fascinating. Are you going to struggle?"
Kyoko felt more tears running down her face. She had no idea how she was going to survive this. She barely survived it when she was full of drugs and barely conscious. She was feeling nauseous already and he hadn't even touched her. She had to try and fight him off for as long as she could. Until the medication kicked in. And then she'd be gone to some soft cloud and he could do whatever he wanted. She'd wake up in the morning and it would all be over for the night.
"Did you lose your pretty voice, Kyoko? That would be an awful shame..." he said, sitting down at the edge of the bed. Kyoko could see his hand reaching out for her, but she scrambled away, slapping his hand away from her. He looked at her in confusion at first and she used that chance to spit right in his face. That distracted him for long enough. Kyoko had no idea what she was doing, but her body was moving for her. She jumped up, opening the door.
She had to run, she had to get out of here. She made her way down the stairs, but her father managed to catch her. She got free from his grip, but it made her stumble and she fell down the stairs. Everything went black for a second and then she opened her eyes again, her father standing above her, his face distorted with anger. Kyoko was trying to get up again, but everything hurt.
"Nice try, baby. But it's not that easy. Now will you be a good girl or not?" he wanted to know. Kyoko sobbed.
"You disgust me!" she replied. She had no idea what he wanted from her. Why he was doing this to her. Why he hated her so much. She wasn't sure if she even wanted to know. She just wanted to survive this. She wanted to make it out alive and without being damaged for the rest of her life. But maybe it was already too late for that. Maybe she was already damaged too much.
"I see... so you want to be a bad girl, then? Well, that means this'll be more fun for me. Not so much for you. But that's your own fault, isn't it, Kyoko? That's your own fault for being such a brat..."
With those words, her father picked her up from the floor and dragged her behind him. He wasn't being gentle in any way and Kyoko barely managed to keep up with him. She felt dizzy and like she had to throw up any second, but she stumbled after him, because she knew there was no getting away. She had no strength left to fight back, to struggle against him.
They arrived at the top of the stairs and her father shoved her into her room, making her fall onto the floor. Kyoko groaned from the pain. She didn't even bother getting up, because she knew that there was no point to it. Her father was messing with the door to her room for a while and Kyoko started to feel a little sleepy. She smiled to herself - it was starting to work. Maybe she'd be lucky...
She felt herself being pulled up by her hair. It was painful, but things were starting to feel like they were happening far away. Like they were happening to someone else and not to her. The pills were working. The pills were working. She could feel the pain in her limbs being numbed, she could feel how everything seemed to be distorted and weird around her. Nothing mattered anymore.
She still knew what was happening to her. She could still feel him touching her, but it didn't feel like it was really her he was touching. She was somewhere else, somewhere all of this couldn't do anything to her. She was on her soft cloud where everything was numb and dizzy and good. Everything was good. Kyoko smiled to herself, despite wanting to throw up. She wasn't going to feel anything until the morning. But that was a problem for her in the morning. For now she was safe in her own mind.
