The Badboy's Heartbeat [BxB] √

CHAPTER 8

XAVIER ROCKWELL

I wish I found some better sounds no one's ever heard
I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words
I wish I found some chords in an order that is new
I wish I didn't have to rhyme every time I sang
I was told when I get older, all my fears would shrink
But now I'm insecure, and I care what people think

I plugged in my earphones and while the music played loud as fuck, the beating inside my chest was even louder almost thunderous. I don't really know what's happening to me. I just saw Jordi Adkins pass by right in front of me and then boom, there goes my anxiety. Throughout the entire weekend, I haven't really stopped thinking about what happened between the two of us. I wouldn't consider being preoccupied as a blessing but I would admit that I somehow, in a weird way, forgot about the madness that's been living in our tiny little apartment.

My name's Blurryface and I care what you think
My name's Blurryface and I care what you think

From a certain distance, I watched intently as Jordi get slapped by his very own friend, the one with the sexy body. I think her name's Nikki and the other one behind them was Jane. I'm thoroughly confused about what's going on not really knowing that I was laughing softly when Nikki slapped Jordi for the second time.

Wish we could turn back time
To the good old days
When our mama sang us to sleep
But now we're stressed out (oh)
Wish we could turn back time (oh)
To the good old days (oh)
When our mama sang us to sleep
But now we're stressed out

We're stressed out

My eyes were glued straight towards Jordi Adkins who just turned tomatoes right after that last slap. I thought I could use some of that seemingly heavy slap too because I am not feeling the best right now and I need to wake up from this confusion that I've been thrown into.

I just asked myself why the fuck did I made out and almost fucked Jordi last Friday night? Why did I let him take me home like I'm some worthless callboy? Why did I enjoyed that intimate so much than I would've imagined?

I certainly know that I'm not gay and I'm aware that I was high and I've had a few booze but I'm not gay. Also, I'm not as wasted as him and yet still, I made the conscious decision to make out with him.

"What's up, brother?" I felt someone hit my head and I instantly knew who it was. It was Nixon and that's kind of his way of saying hi. I would've hit him back but I had to immediately look away from watching Jordi and his friends. "Why do you look like you're thinking something deep, bro?"

"Don't tell me someone's stressed out again?" Darren muttered pulling the earphone off of my left ear. "And since when did you start listening to twenty-one pilots?" He added right after checking what song I'm currently listening to.

"No, I'm not." I shook my head. "I'm cool, man, I am cool. I'm not stressed out or anything." I went on not really aware that I sound pretty much defensive over nothing.

"Is it Michiko?" Nixon asked casually bringing up the same topic that I thought I've already cleared out last time.

"Jesus, Nixon. I told you, I'm over Michiko. She broke up with me and I don't give a shit about her, it's time to move on." I replied.

"Oh, right, right." Nixon hanged his arm over my shoulder subsequently pointing right at this girl who had a butterfly clip. "On to the next girl then."

"Lilanie Rosano?" Darren chimed in.

"You know her?" Nixon asked.

"Yeah, she's my neighbor and I have to say that her mother's a total MILF." Darren added giving us some extra detail that sounded extra pleasant for Nixon. Nixon loved older women.

"Damn, that's hot. Is her mom single?" Nixon muttered.

"What the fuck, bro. Of course, she's not single, she's married." Pulling Nixon's arm off of my shoulder, I scowled at him and his own taste for women.

"Naah, she's divorced." Darren answered Nixon's query and I just wish I could punch him right at this moment.

"Do you think you could introduce our boy Xavier to Lilanie and perhaps we could hang out at their house?" Nixon inquired and I know he's going overboard with this. This was too much for me especially after that weekend that I had.

"Nixon, what the hell!" I snapped before eventually walking away.

The day rolled and for the most part, I was preoccupied by my own thoughts and confusion. I share five periods with Jordi and I can't seem to focus on class with him just around the room making me feel all shaky. I can't even look at him straight in the eye and oddly enough, when he's not looking, I kept on stealing glances from him. Part of me wants to have a conversation with him but the other part knows that I shouldn't be talking to him at all. What happened between us should be just a one-time thing but I don't feel like I want it to be a one-time thing.

The week rolled drastically and noticeably different than I would've ever imagined. Every time I set my sight on Jordi, my heart races like he's some sort of a sugar burst that keeps on making my chest pound. I tried avoiding him throughout the week and instead of forgetting about him, he keeps on popping up inside my head.

Nixon and Darren eventually noticed that I stopped poking fun at Jordi and I had to create many different lies just to distract them from what's actually happening. I don't even know what's happening to me. I feel like Jordi did something sort of sorcery towards me even though I know that's utter bullshit. It's all in my head, I guess.

There's this one point that I had to shout at Nixon and Darren just so they would stop pushing me to approach Jordi. I'm aware of the fact that I've stopped poking fun at him but I'm also scared to admit to them the real reason why.

Nixon on one hand, kept on annoying me thinking that I'm onto the next girl in my list. Well, I don't have a list to begin with. Yes, I know I was an asshole and I kind of dated a few other girls before Michiko and they thought I was this playboy. Perhaps, I was depending on how you view things but I'm not looking forward to dating every other girl in our school. I'm only dating them because I'm getting something from them like some of them are paying for my lunch and that's making me save money.

Friday came quicker than I thought and after the shitty and almost restless week that I had, I have decided to confront Jordi Adkins. I have to get some answers to all of the questions that's been tormenting me. Every time I look at him, I'm getting all weird and that has got to stop before I go crazy like my mother. I have to figure out what was it that's making my heart pound. I have to figure out what was it that's keeping me preoccupied.