Ambivalence

Part 2

A/N: Discussion of rape

------------------

When I first arrived at The Firefly house, I was a literal disaster. The family took care of me through everything. They treated my injuries, dealt with my C-PTSD episodes, my agoraphobia, my malnutrition...all of it. It took a few months, but they nursed me back to health physically. I morphed from a frail shell of a woman into a she-hulk with lean muscles and an explosive attitude to match.

My psyche, however, was a different story. Because I had developed C-PTSD over the years, I had one hell of a temper. Going through a new trauma right before I met the Firefly's didn't help. Even though they had taken me in and repaired my body, I was majorly distrustful of my new family. I lashed out at everyone constantly, but they took it with a grain of salt; especially Otis. Anytime I had any kind of outburst, he ignored my behavior. Sometimes it was as if I didn't exist. It didn't matter if I hit him, broke things, yelled, or whatever. He would simply turn his back on me and stomp away.

"I don't hurt my fuckin' family," he always said through gritted teeth.

I learned later on he had acted the same way when Baby's daddy brought him home ten years prior. Like myself, he had also been an abused, homeless drifter. It took time, but he warmed up to the family, and they unofficially adopted him. And that's what happened to me.

The first few months I lived with them, I discovered who the Firefly clan really was. They weren't just a unique, unified family who deeply loved each other - they were sinister, cannibalistic killers. The women were prostitutes, and Otis was a rapist and a necrophiliac. In fact, he was the most unstable one out of all of them. It was he who taught me how to release rage through sadism.

Baby's Daddy didn't live with them, but he owned a gas station combined with a roadside attraction called Captain Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Madmen and used it to send victims our way. All he had to do was dress like a demented carnival clown, take customers through his murder ride, and mention the local legend of Dr. Satan. People fell for his parlor tricks every time. They would get interested in the story, he would draw them a fake map, and Baby would hitchhike in the area. Once someone picked her up, RJ blew out their tires with a shotgun. Then, Baby lured them back to the house to get her brother's tow truck. You can figure out the rest from there.

Murder before my incident in the alley had always nagged my soul, but now it was an important outlet. Maybe getting hit in the head had somehow changed me, but killing had turned into something I no longer felt guilty about. It was fun, and I did it a lot.

When I went on rampages, my victims were acting psychiatrists. I ranted and raved while I tortured them, but I always killed them whenever I finished unloading whatever was on my fucked up mind. Otis deemed me the nickname Supernova because of how volatile I could be.

My new family taught me a lot. I learned how to live in a house with people who cared about my well-being, and they helped me develop basic social skills as well. Turns out, Baby had been looking for a sister to adopt, and I fit the criteria to a T. That's why she had wanted to help me a year ago. Because my eyes had been feral, she saw her family's violent tendencies in them, and I had been totally nonchalant about killing my attacker.

When I first found out Otis was adopted like me, I couldn't believe it.

At the time, I squeaked, "But ya look just like Baby!"

"It's just a coincidence," he had said, shrugging.

I argued it was fate, he agreed maybe I was right, and we left it at that. Everyone else in the family was blood-related. Except for Spaulding, who everyone called Cutter, and Mama Firefly. They weren't a couple anymore, but their stack of previous bodily unions is where Baby had spawned from.