cinema [h.s.]

chapter thirty nine.

March 25, 2021.

12 weeks pregnant.

"And now we wait." I smile, closing the car door.

We just dropped off the envelope holding our sweet baby's gender at the bakery. The owner is supposed to give us a call once the cake is ready and gave us an estimated wait time of two hours, so we have some time to kill.

Once we get the call, we'll go pick up the cake and then head out to Johnny's place, where we'll then have a private gender reveal with just Harry, Ivy and I present.

We decided a few weeks ago that we want Ivy to do the honors of cutting into the cake. She's apart of this life change too and it's only fair that we include her in something so special.

She's still positive that this baby is a girl. Any time Harry or I bring up the baby possibly being a boy, she immediately tells us no and swears that her and her baby sister have had talks, and that the baby in my belly is in fact a little sister she'll get to dress up and play tea party with.

Everyday my thoughts change. Yesterday I was certain this little one was a girl, but today I'm feeling like they might be a boy.

Harry's prediction has never changed. Since before I even found out I was pregnant, he was confident that him and I were going to have two kids, one of which would be a girl.

Once we found out I was pregnant, his heart was set on this baby being a girl. When he talks to the baby, he'll slip up every now and then and call the baby a she.

Neither of us truly care though. We just want a healthy baby. Ivy is going to be the one that we'll have a bit of issues with if the baby is a boy.

We haven't dealt with any jealous tendencies yet between Ivy and the baby, thankfully. I think a lot of them will start to make their appearance after the baby is born.

My anxiety surrounding it all has started to drift off. I started my online therapy program last week and so far it's going well.

My therapist is very nice and accepting of my crazy schedule which I'm so beyond thankful for. At first I was worried the program wouldn't work out because of my schedule.

The only thing I'm having trouble with is keeping my stress levels down. We're moving into Harry's house next week so my mind has been a bit scrambled.

Between my mom, Ivy and the baby, I feel like it's hard for me to stay focused on one thing. Most of Ivy's room is packed up, but my moms room hasn't even been touched.

She wants to pack everything herself, and usually that would be fine but she can barely get out of bed most days. If it wasn't for Harry and the home nurse we hired, I don't know what I'd do.

Seeing her in so much pain is so hard and I know that her long life is coming to an end.

I don't want to accept the fact that my mom will no longer be here. She won't see her second grandchild be born, she won't see Ivy graduate high school, she won't see her daughters name on the big screen when the movie drops.

She's going to miss everything.

I'm trying to cherish every moment I get with her without feeling like I'm overwhelming her.

We were going to have her come with us to Johnny's place but she had a home visit with the nurse today and decided to stay home because she's not feeling well.

Part of me is worried that we'll get a call from the home nurse saying something has happened, but I'm trying not to think that way.

Today is supposed to be a happy day.

Today is going to be a happy day.

"Hey," Harry's voice breaks me from my thoughts, "You okay?"

I nod and play with the rings adorning his hand. "Just thinking, are you two hungry?"

Harry sighs and clears his throat, looking up at Ivy in the rear view mirror. "Bug, are you hungry?"

"Yes, daddy!" Ivy nods, "My tummy has been growling for ages."

"We've only been out of the house for an hour." I point out, looking over my seat.

Ivy giggles and claps her hands together, placing them in her lap. "Big sisters have to eat mommy, so they can be strong!"

"Alright, well let's go get big sister some food!" Harry says. He glances over at me and sends me a small smile that washes away all of the anxiety I've been feeling.

We make our way across town and end up at a cute little cafe called The Blue Bird. The three of us get out and  Harry and I hold Ivy's hands as we make our way inside.

Our waiter greets us and leads us to our table, which just so happens to be window seats that look out into the ocean.

"Look at the water, mama!" Ivy gasps, pointing to the waves as they crash against a brick wall.

"It's very pretty Ives." I smile, running a hand over my belly. It's gotten a lot bigger over the past three weeks. I can no longer wear tight shirts without my bump peaking through so a lot of my outfits consists of flowy dresses and oversized t-shirts.

We order our food and talk about the baby while we wait for it to be brought to us. Once they've brought it out, Harry helps Ivy cut up her chicken and I scarf down a plate of Alfredo.

My morning sickness has let up completely, so I can finally eat and actually enjoy my food without gagging and running to the bathroom after eating one bite.

I'm also one week out from hitting my second trimester which is exciting because that's when all the fun, memorable stuff starts happening. I should be able to start feeling baby move here in the next few weeks and we'll also be anticipating their first kicks.