His body trembled, wanting to desperately get into his apartment, away from reality. His home is practically the only safe space he had, even if the media sat there, waiting for photos, news or other things. Jisung stared out the window of the car in fear. This never was easy, why couldn't he have privacy. Biting his nails waiting for news and Chan being his support to help him into his house. The body guards pushed the media and fans away, trying to keep a calm reaction.
Jisung and Chan snuck through the backside into the main lobby of the apartment sneaking their way into the elevator.
He finally had been released from the hospital. Perscriptions hidden in his jacket pocket that was provided by Minho. It was warm. Jisung used that to help keep him grounded with everything around him.
By the time the door had been shut, Jisung just wanted to calm himself, surround himself in silence, maybe place headphones on to drown the world around him. Chan dropped his stuff beside the kitchen, it was a few groceries to help get Jisung back into a proper eating habits.
Taking his jacket off he placed the medications onto the coffee table with a sigh finally falling onto the couch.
"You did the right thing Jisung. The meds I'm sure will help you." Chan smiled sitting beside the younger who rolled his eyes.
"I didn't do the right thing. The right thing would be telling Minho-Hyung the truth but I can't." Jisung sighed letting his head fall onto Chans shoulder. He was tired. He found himself tired more recently since ending up in the hospital. Minho said this was a natural response since his organs and systems were recovering.
"I know. Its hard, even I almost slipped. Jisung you have to promise me you won't do that again." Chan softly spoke, worry filled his voice and Jisung could tell he was seriously worried. It wasn't the typical lecture he would receive this was genuine concern for his own life and safety.
"I wasn't meaning too Hyung. I just thought I needed more to dull the headache. I didn't mean to lose track on how many pills I had taken that day already..." Jisungs voice was soft, tender and getting quieter by the word.
"Twenty pills is seriously more than it should have been. I can see six or even eight but Jisung you can't do that. Promise me please... if not for me, for Minho... Minho was so scared seeing you like that. Regardless of your twos history, he still loves you, you know that?" Chan said rubbing Jisungs arm. Jisung simply nodded. Letting his eyes fall shut.
"Does the company know?" Jisung mumbled, trying to keep himself awake.
"Mhmm. Minho got his collegue to fake the paperwork as overworked, and stress. He requested two weeks bedrest upon leaving the hospital. This should be enough time to hopefully get you adjusted to the new medications Minho gave you." Chan explained, Jisung hummed again to the reponse. His eyes opening again and staring at the medications he placed on the table. Sitting up he sighed.
"I'm gonna go lay in bed. I have a headache, do you want me to see you out?" Jisung rubbed his eyes, tiredness hovering over him as he stood up carefully stretching and keeping his balance.
"No, go lay down Sungs. I'll be back once I finish with the final paperwork for your new diet with the company."
Jisung nodded, still feeling bad, chan wasn't getting his rest either because of his job. He didn't want to get Chan involved, but he did and it made this life a little bit more bearable. And he was sure Chan wouldn't have backed down after the first incident. Chan really did everything for him. Jisung wished he didn't solely work for him. He had a life to live too. But thats all he decided to do.
Jisung went to his bedroom, the bed perfectly made, he wasn't actually tired, and he very rarely slept in his bed. It wasn't the same when you slept alone, so he slept on the couch most times. He heard the door shut and double checked to make sure Chan had left. Once confirming he was gone, Jisung finally broke down a second time. His back against the wall, letting his head fall into the wall shortly after before aliding down the wall.
Worry flowing through his mind. What would the company say. The concerts that were booked for the next few weeks, the boss that will absolutely guilt trip the shit out of him.
He hated this.
He didn't want to be this famous.
He didn't want to be this unhappy.
Of course he still loved his music, but he missed everything he used to stand for.
♡•◇•♧•♤
8 months later
"Han, why haven't you handed us your new lyrics yet?" His assisstant Katio coldly stated. He never cared to remember the females name, his previous assistant before Katio quit because he wasn't cooperating. He knew Katio before hand. But now he was forced to work with her and it was like playing with fire. Jisungs will to bend was nowhere in sight anymore not with her anyways.
Why should he when it wasn't his own music he was releasing. When he had come back from his two week break, everything about him changed. Totally robotic again. He showed no emotion, no feeling, faking it till he makes it home everynight just to fall apart and restart.
His meds had been helping but he stopped taking them four months in. Simply forgetting about them. He let them sit collecting dust on the counter of bathroom sink.
He was tempted many times by them. How easy it would be to slip a few more than usual, but he didn't. He promised he wouldn't do that.
But that didn't mean he wasn't harming himself in other ways. Constantly wearing long sleeves, he refused any other outfits to keep his arms covered. He ate once a day if he was lucky, and a snack or two here n there if Chan was around.
He was really busy most days, constantly in and out of the office and doing his other daily jobs at hospitals. Sure he may have been Jisungs dietitian but that didn't mean he was the only client. In fact, him and Minho worked more hand in hand with eachother which helped the passing of Jisungs meds. That seemingly were sitting and not actually being of use.
"Look. Writing doesn't just come every second of every day. I simply have no inspiration." Jisung played with the pencil putting it against his mouth with lack of care for his appearance.
"I need it to make sure your lyrics fallow suit with the tracks provided." She spoke harshly, slamming her pen down and closing her documents.
"Your album teasers are supposed to release in a few short weeks Han. We need something."
"What do you want to me to say? Huh? I have no inspiration or lyrics. Can't you delay it. Isn't that your job?" Jisung snapped out, standing up ready to leave the conference room.
"Mr. Kim will be sure to punish you-" Katio yelled out, causing Jisung to freeze. His hand let go of the doorknob. His body tensed hearing his bosses name.
"He will do the same thing he did to you last time you refused to hand in music Jisung, don't forget that. You may be my boss but I report to him and what ever I say to him and he finds out you rebelling... you know what will happen." Katios words struck him. Fast like poison. A snake that struck the main vital of its prey.
"I-" Jisung froze. He didn't want that again. His body autopiloted remembering the last time after he came back from his manditory bedrest. Kim had brutally lashed at him, throwing papers and binders at the younger. No one knew, well except for Katio. He wanted to tell Chan but left out major details and Jisung never had enough evidence to take it to the police yet.
And to Jisung, he knew all too well the boss was weathly, it would have been sweapt underneath the rug and then everything would fall apart. Kim would have gone after Minho, Jisung would have been to blame. Lose everything and the mindset Jisung had now, would have been worse then just accidently overdosing. He couldn't live with himself if Minho got hurt.
Already guilty enough that Chan was involved more than he should have. The only saving grace is Chan has more than one client he sets dietary needs for. He could be gone for two or three weeks aglt a time before Jisung even got to say hi to the older
"Now come sit and finish writing your lyrics before I document this." Katio glared at Jisung. Her eyes darting to his reactions that kept him frozen in place.
"I'll get Lyrics to you in 3 days okay? But i need... I need out of this room. Please..." he begged subtly.
"Best believe if I don't get those lyrics Han, i'll be sure to let Mr. Kim know..."
Jisung didn't answer, he only swung the door open fast and bolted through the halls. No one paid any attention to him and frnakly he was thankful for that. Normally people have been trying to befriend him, gain his trust. Jisung was far from trusting people. He grabbed his hood pulling it over his face, guickly pulling his mask out as he ran down the street. He didn't care where he was going. He just didn't want to be anywhere around that building.
Running was something he was good at recently.
