Murder Is Scary But Band Members Are Scarier

Warped Tour Part 4

I started walking around the place without really knowing where I was going. I just knew I either had to find Oliver, Brandon, Ryan, or Jacky.

The direction I was heading in turned out to be straight for the women's restroom so I had to turn around. As soon as I did that, I saw Ryan walking at a fast pace away from me. I started to go after him but I was too slow of course so I shouted his name. He turned around.

"Oh, hey Richard! What's up?"

"Do you know where Brandon is?"

"I don't. "

"I think he shot my son." Ryan laughed.

"Relax, he only shoots me."

"Well, you, Jacky, and my son all disappeared pretty much at the same time..."

"Jacky and I disappeared because we were having sex. It happens. Your son is probably having sex too. Sex is glorious, man. You should try it."

"I have tried it. Did you not notice that I have three kids?"

"You've only had sex three times?! Wow I-"

"Anyway. I have to find my son. Bye." I turned around to see Oliver running at me with a huge grin on his face. I prepared myself for the worst.

"Dad, Dad, Dad guess what?"

"Yes?"

"I just had the best sex ever with Kellin Quinn. I got a video too. Wanna see?" He started to shove his phone in my face.

"Oh dear lord, no." I closed my eyes.

"Suit yourself. I'm going to go find Hannah and Jake. I have to tell them what happened." And he ran away before I could even say "what the fuck" to him. I turned back around to see that Ryan was gone. Probably having sex with Jacky again.

I decided to call Hannah because she was the most sane of all my kids. She told me where she and her brothers were and I went off to find them. I thought I had made reasonable time in getting to them but, according to Hannah, thirty minutes was a long time just to go across like 1/8 of the venue.

When I got to them, they were standing around with a bunch of more scary people who I later learned were a band called Black Veil Brides. One of them (Ashley Purdy he's so sexy) said, "wow, your dad really is a slow motherfucker" and I had to explain once again that I am old.

Then, another one of the band (Andy Biersack omg Dad he is soooo hot omg so pretty) said something about thanks for hanging out but we have to go get hammered or something. Hannah then said they had one more set to see then we could go, and I didn't think I'd ever been more relieved in my life.

I shouldn't have let myself feel that way, though, because things never got better that day.