i want you hyunjin || hyunlix

taste

- hyunjin -

     the backing track for "taste" begins to play. the pink and blue lights are the same as always, but instead of my usual side of the stage, i'm standing where minho stood last night. directly in front of felix.

     since our choreography for this song is almost exactly the same on both sides, we were able to mark it quickly in the two minutes we had. miraculously, we didn't run into many issues and the ones we found we were able to solve.

     giving in to the music, my movements are sharp yet fluid. my eyes lock with felix's as i sing my first part and i hold his gaze until the choreography pulls me away again.

     the next time there is a break from complicated choreography, i sneak a peek at the guy standing next to felix. our eyes meet and i realize he had been watching me. his eyebrows raise in surprise and he glances quickly at felix.

too busy watching my every move, felix doesn't even notice. i smirk to myself. now it's this random guy's turn to be jealous. who cares what they were whispering about earlier.

     with that thought, i start dancing more passionately. we're reaching the chorus and the audience is screaming in anticipation. i go down on one knee and then swing my legs around towards the audience, landing in a lounging position. i give felix one more look before throwing my head back with the music and lifting my hips from the stage.

     "just look at me babe, day and night"

     the audience explodes into screams and i use sheer willpower to remain focused on the dance and not on felix's reaction.

     for the rest of the dance, i am mindful to look at other stays and not allow my attention to linger too long on felix. i don't want to attract attention to us. plus, if he accepts my 143 pass, i will get to see him after the show.

     i make an exception to look at felix for the second chorus. once again, our eyes lock, but this time i bite my lower lip before throwing back my head.

- felix -

i'm not convinced i processed any of "can't stop". i regret missing seungmin and i.n's duet, but i couldn't help being completely distracted from hyunjin's performance. he switched sides of the stage? for me?? does this mean that he changed his mind about the "you're a fan. i can't-" thing?

     "hellooo? earth to felix?" i shake my head to clear it and see that dex is waving his hand in front of my face to get my attention.

     "uh, what's up?" i say, blinking a few times. dex looks at me exasperatedly and gestures towards something behind me. i turn around to see one of stray kids' managers holding a 143 pass out to me.

my fried brain can't process what's happening and i stare blankly at the manager for a moment.

"for me? really?" i ask, not fully believing this is happening.

"hyunjin requests your presence backstage after the concert."

     eyes wide, i accept the pass and thank the manager.

     still stunned, i slip the pink lanyard over my head, hanging it around my neck. instead of dropping my hand back to my side, i safely tuck it around the laminate, sliding the cool plastic back and forth between my fingers.

the rest of the concert is a blur of excitement and nerves. all of the performances are excellent and the audience is still buzzing with emotion as the stray kids members say their goodbyes.

     dex touches my shoulder and i turn to look at him.

     "wanna give me your number so i can send you the videos?" he holds his phone out to me on the "new contact" page. i accept it and start filling in my information.

     "it was really nice meeting you, felix. and what a place to meet!" dex rambles as i type out my number. "stray kids are my lifeline. i can never stop talking about them, even at their concert apparently."

     "i get that! and thank you for getting me those videos! i really appreciate it. and it was nice to meet you as well," i reply, handing dex back his phone.

     "aye, don't mention it!"

- hyunjin -

     did felix just...? did felix just give that guy his number? in front of me? is this his way of telling me... i missed my chance?

     the satisfied, happy glow that surrounded me from completing the concert and seeing felix wearing my 143 pass cracks and falls away piece by piece. i drop my head so stays can't see my expression. as soon as the other members start heading towards our exit, i quickly make my way off stage.

     chan congratulates everyone on another great performance and my group members pat each other on the back or ass. when chan reaches me, he wraps his arm around my shoulders and walks with me to the changing room and showers.

     he slows our pace so that we are the last ones left in the hallway. once everyone else is inside, he stops and turns to me.

     "you alright there?" he asks. i let out a deep breath.

     "yeah," i say, but i sound unconvincing even to my own ears.

     "no," i correct myself. chan rubs his hand back and forth on my head, messing up my hair even more.

     "what's up?"

     "i... i think i started to like felix but it's not going to work." i nudge chan's hand away from my head.

     "why do you say that? if it's because you're an idol, forget that. it's been five years since debut and the dating ban only lasts three. you know this."

     "it's not that."

     "then why? ...it's alright to be gay, you know." i smile weakly at this.

     "thanks but that's not it either." i let out a breath and then continue. "he gave the other guy his number just now. i saw him do it."

     chan looks thoughtful at this. then he nods, crosses his arms confidently, and smiles at me.

     "what's that face?" i ask suspiciously.

     "he accepted your 143 pass, right?"

     "...right."

     "he wouldn't have done that if he didn't want to talk to you. give him another chance! maybe the guy he was with is really just a new friend!" with this, he pats me twice on the back and leads me into the dressing room.

     "go wash up quick! you don't wanna leave pretty boy waiting."

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