Final Room

25 | grace le domas

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE | GRACE LE DOMAS

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          Every time something bad happens—even minor inconveniences—I'm constantly amazed by how weak my mind truly is. While Betty and Callum continue bickering with each other, all I can do is sit there, staring at my phone like there's anything I can tell Xavier.

          I don't think he was the one to invite anyone to come to Alaska for the holidays, and I won't put it past my mom to invite herself. After finding out where he lives and being so adamant on sending me to him, I can't say I'm surprised to find out she wants to see Juneau for herself. If anything, he might have invited Dad, just so he won't be by himself in a big house or drowning in work now that he no longer has to worry about me, but didn't put two and two together and forgot about Mom's fiancé.

          It will be awkward, no doubt about it, and I think we've both had our fair share of family drama to last us for a lifetime. With things between us still being somewhat shaky—though now I'll definitely have to talk to him since Betty and Callum have called it a truce—I don't want to risk making it even worse and ruining the holidays for everyone.

          Thanksgiving was awful enough, with neither of us caring about it enough to pretend everything is fine, and I had to excuse myself out of the living room as soon as the football game started, with the Zach-sized hole in my heart aching way too much. Xavier didn't question it and didn't follow me upstairs to check on me, but gave me a generous slice of pumpkin pie in silence so I'd have something to drown my sorrows in.

          It's sad that this is what our relationship has come down to, communicating through food and avoiding actual conversations.

          I know food is the love language for so many people out there, but it has never been that way for me; I like words and affection, I like being close to people. People would often comment on how joined by the hip Emma and I used to be, never one without the other, and they even thought we seemed to be obsessed with each other. I don't think we ever were, but she was my soulmate, completing me in ways I didn't consider possible.

          Zach was my twin flame, everything I'd ever wanted, and losing him was like losing a part of me, like I'll never be whole again. Losing Emma also symbolized losing my potential, the person I could turn out to be if I had enough nerve, but I've always been a dirty coward who peaked in high school and will never amount to anything. It's unfair to dump it all on her, when what happened has never been her fault, but I can't stop myself from projecting the what-could've-beens on her.

          "You okay there?" Betty asks. I know she means well, being almost as alert as Sidney, but I can't blame her for being grateful to have an excuse to stop talking to Callum, even temporarily. "Bad news?"

          "Not technically," I reply, stuffing my phone back inside my bag so I'll resist the temptation to be mean to Xavier. It's amazing how brave people get when they can hide behind a screen and a keyboard, but I refuse to give in to my negative emotions and take it out on him. Dad I can handle, but Dad, Mom, and her fiancé under one roof is way beyond what I can bear. "It's just Xavier."

          "Mr. Boring lives."

          Odette scowls. "Don't be mean to Xavier just because you can't be mean to Callum."

          "Except I can be mean to Callum. It's called friendly banter."

          "I'd rather if you didn't," Callum retorts.