Love Letter-{lams story}

John In The Bathroom At A Party

   We decided to walk around campus with Angelica and Hercules telling me all about Columbia University. John was mostly silent and I couldn't help but feel bad for him. I could never imagine what makes a person want to do that to themself. It still hadn't exited my mind. Maybe because I was so full of worry and concern, or maybe it was because I was so desperate to be the one to comfort John. The solution to this, I don't really know. But what I do know is that I'm going to try to be the person that is there for John whenever he needs me to be.

    "Alexander, how do you feel about the campus? You won't drop out anytime soon I hope?" Said Angelica curiously yet hopefully.

    I tried to come up with the right words. What would be the correct language to use with people who you just met yet just adapted to? "Uh- it's great! I could definitely see myself studying here for the next 4 years." I replied sheepishly.

   Was it just me who felt tense here? I know it's just a tour, but I'm really unsure what to say or do. Do I suggest we go into a shop like Lafayette has been doing for the past few minutes, or do I stay put? How about I try to talk to my lover- I mean John? He has been pretty quiet, so it seems that he needs someone to talk to. Sure, I suppose I could try that. 

    "So John, what is the first class you have tomorrow?" I asked nervously waiting for a response.

    It took John a few moments to answer. "My first class is chemistry then geology." Maybe my question had broken him away from some thoughts.

    John could hardly even look up when he spoke. He really did seem to be lost in his thoughts. The Revolutionary Crew™ was just chatting away; and with me and John walking next to each other, I just couldn't seem to keep my mind off of him. Is this what it's like to be obsessed? Suddenly, John stopped walking. He seemed to be lost in a trance. Lafayette, Hercules, and Angelica looked back. Soon, the other followed suit. What was going on?

    "John? Everything all right? Did you see something?" Angelica called out. She seemed to be the mother of the group.

    But John gave no response. He stood still. A little too still. Oh goodness. I immediately ran back to get him. Why had I done so? I myself do not know. When I approached him, all I heard was rapid breathing. What was going on? Is he okay? Is this what I think it is?

    **Warning: description of panic attack** "John- may I touch you?" I asked. I regretted every word that came out of my mouth and every action that my body forced me to do. He nodded quickly and slowly fell to the ground. I made sure to cover him so other students couldn't see him. Luckily, most students were getting ready for their classes tomorrow, so none seemed to be around. 

    "John put your hand on my chest. Follow my heartbeat, I know you can do it." I instructed. I may have horribly regretted the things I said and did at this moment, but John is what matters more, not me. He seemed to be hesitant to do what I instructed, yet eventually he did so. It felt like hours when we were in this position. My heartbeat was of course a little fast, so hopefully, that will be enough to direct him. 

    **Tw over** Eventually, he took a deep breath. His eyes refused to meet mine, out of mere embarrassment. I, however, couldn't take my eyes off him. He tried to stand up, and I decided it would be best to help him up. That was when his eyes finally met mine. 

    "Thank you." he whispered. I realized that his eyes were full of tears. How long has he been struggling with this?

   I looked around me. Oh. I forgot we were here. The Crew came over and insisted that we all go home so that John can feel better. This marked the end of an interesting afternoon.