𝘾𝙃𝙊𝙊𝙎𝙀 ➵ 𝕔𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕝𝕠 𝕒𝕦

010; 𝙢𝙮 𝙠𝙚𝙡𝙨 & 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙮 𝙗

MATTHEW'S POINT OF VIEW
*flashback chapter*

"kels," I groaned, quickly switching from laying down in the grass, to sitting. "i don't want to leave" i complained. It was the end July, which meant a lot of things. But it mainly meant I had to go back home, which i wasn't looking forward to. It had been 6 months since Nick took his life, and while visiting kelsey has made it a whole lot easier to cope, i'm afraid that leaving will just make everything worse.
"i know, i know." she frowns, not wanting me to go either. "but you have to Matty. Chris needs you" she forces a smile as she places a comforting hand on my shoulder. "fuck Chris." I spit. her eyes go wide at my words. "hey, stop that. no negative talk mister." Kelsey says with her lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed. she's so cute when she gives me that face. who am i kidding, she's cute always. "okay fine, I don't hate him. I can't hate him." I sigh, putting my head into my hands. Kelsey begins to rub circles into my back in an attempt to soothe me, which works for the most part.
"he didn't do anything wrong my love, you have to remind yourself that. it's not his fault, or yours, or you mom's." she reassured me. Visiting Kelsey is like a breath of fresh air, I crave it, I need it.
She lives in California, whereas i live in New York. If I could stay in California, I would in a heartbeat. I'd want nothing more than to be able to lay in open fields, stare at the sky, and point out funny shaped clouds with the love of my life, forever. but reality is cruel, and my flight back home is on Friday. It was Tuesday so I still had a few days, and I planned to make the most of them.
"let's go baby girl" I said with a smile, standing up, and reaching out my hand for her to grab.
"go where?" she chuckled, gladly taking my hand in hers.
"anywhere."  i say simply.
"i love you my matty b" she giggles and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. "and i love you my kels"
• • •
FRIDAY

The plane is about to land, and i can feel my stomach doing backflips. As soon as Nick was gone, I left. I couldn't cope, and being in that house was just too much for me. Everything reminded me of Nick. everything. It was just too hard. I had to get away for a while, even if it meant leaving my Mom and Brother to grieve on their own. I had been gone a few months, so my mind starts to wonder how different it must be at the house. Maybe it won't be so bad? maybe.
I exit the plane swiftly, grabbing my carry on and slinging it over my shoulder before heading off the plane and to baggage claim.
While i'm walking to get my bags, I see Chris and our Mom standing with signs that read:
'WELCOME HOME MATTY'
&
'SHE MADE ME DO THIS BUT WELCOME HOME BRO.'
I smiled. I actually smiled.
Chris walked up to me slowly, he looked drained, like he hadn't slept in days, maybe even weeks. But he still wore a smile.
"We've missed you Matt." he said, pulling me in for a hug. I hug back, as a response.
He lets go after a few moments and our Mom rushes over to me, engulfing me in her arms.
"Oh my baby boy, it hasn't been the same without you here." she sniffles. I just smile and hug her tightly.
After Nick passed, I didn't feel the same. Truthfully nothing felt the same.. but I realized, if I don't talk, I can't get hurt more, so i've decided to go mute. Talking to people seems to hurt me more than it helps. I only really still talk to Kelsey. She's the only person I trust. And now she's 3,000 miles away. lovely. I'm snapped out of my thoughts by my Mom grabbing my arm gently "Let's go home hun."
• • •
LATER AT HOME
I open the door to the home I hadn't been to in months. As I enter i'm greeted by Molly.
"meow." she sounded sad. I reached down to pat her on the head before going to my room.
It might sound silly, but being around Molly is even too much for me. She reminds me too much of Nick, and the fact that he's really gone.  It had been months since he passed but being in this house was a painful reminder of what I had lost. I missed him so much, and every reminder of him felt like a stab in the heart.
Trying to push back the tears that threatened to spill over, I close the door to my bedroom and sit on my bed. I went to my room, hoping to find some solace in the familiarity of my surroundings. But even here, Nick's absence was palpable. The room felt empty, like a shell of what it used to be.
Just as I was about to give in to my sadness and let the tears flow, Chris walked in. "Hey, Matt," he said, his voice gentle. "How you holding up?"
I tried to put on a brave face, but my emotions were too raw. I shake my head, trying to choose whether to speak or stay silent. I wasn't looking up at Chris, but I felt his stare, he was worried. I sigh and look up at him, my voice choking as I speak "It's just so hard.".
Chris's eyes go wide for a moment, realizing words came out of my mouth. I don't think he's heard my voice since Nick died.
Chris walks over to me and put his arm around me, offering me comfort. "I know," he said. "It's hard for all of us. But we're here for you, okay? You don't have to go through this alone."
His words were a balm to my soul, and for a moment, I let myself lean into him, accepting the comfort he offered. It was hard to believe that Nick was gone, that I would never see him again.
i'll always cherish this moment with Chris, we don't have a lot of these heart to hearts. Even if it was short lasting, it was sweet. I think i'll sit with Chris for the rest of the night, yeah, that sounds nice.
• • •
Author's Note:
brb, sobbing. i hope this gives a tiny bit more insight into matt, although there will definitely be more chapters diving deeper into matt, kelsey & matt, and chris and matt ! there's so so so much more to come. I'm so excited.
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ALSO i linked a trailer i threw together for this story if anyones interested, it's linked in the prologue! <333