Sander Sides Angsty Fluffy Fanfic

Acceptance | Intruanxceit | I'M BACK

I'M BACK!! Uploads will be highly irregular but I hope you enjoy this hehe.

CAN BE PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC UP TO YOU!!

    TW: Anxious and self deprecating thoughts from your anxious bean, ANGST BUT IS COMFORTED TOWARDS THE END!! (IDK if it counts, but maybe minor panic attack? I don't know, didn't really think of that when I was writing this ~)

    VIRGIL POV

    I shouldn't be surprised. I should have seen it all coming. I mean, it all makes sense, of course. It all adds up, they're perfect, and I'm so horrifically flawed that they can't bear being around me. They're way more important in general, I'm so easy to be pushed away, hidden in the dark -

    How did I ever expect to fit in with them? I let myself hope again.

    I almost start laughing to myself.

    And then I realise I am laughing to myself.
    Now I really do seem insane. But I can't believe I even tricked myself into believing anything more could happen. I can't believe I didn't listen to Jan when he told me - he told me this would happen!
    But no.

    I find myself in my room. Alone. In the cold and in the darkness. Crying whilst chuckling at my own stupidity. Why did I ever think I could belong with anyone else? I'll never be enough to be, even around them, and I'll never be anything but a dark side. Nothing but a monster that does nothing but steal opportunities from others. A mistake never to be made again by never trusting, and tucking me under the bed.

    I'm not too sure when my door opens, but when I look up, a figure looms towards the corner, watching my demise from just a few feet away. But through the blur that is my very own messy rush of tears, I can't quite make out who it is just yet. I would try calling out, but I can't be sure my voice won't deceive me and just collapse in on itself.

    So I wait until they edge closer, and kneels down in front of my bed and tilts his head ever so slightly to one side, in concern, not pity. Not like some lost puppy. His eyes reflect empathy, sorrow, to join me in my breaking. And shattering.

    I'd recognise that look from anywhere. He shakes his head softly.

    "Virgil." He snakes his hand onto my knee in comfort, to let me know someone else is here in the darkness with me. A light shining through, an echo of reassurance.

    "I should have listened, Janus," I cry, sobbing a stream down my cheeks, falling onto my hands in cold platters, lain limp in my lap with my hoodie becoming damper by the second. More and more and more as every moment passes, as every breath shakes the walls. "I should have listened," I repeat. His eyes become sharp, stern and serious, a blaze alight inside.

    "No, no, no, Virgil. They never should have turned you away." He represses a lie through his gritted teeth, and I crack even more, sinking into myself, wanting nothing more than to slip away from this place, away from them more specifically, never the dark sides. I squint my eyes into a soaking mess again, lashes caught in all those emotions.

    I don't really want to be disappointed again. Nor be the disappointment.

    Janus quickly boosts himself up onto his legs, engulfing me into his arms, holding me closer to him so my head lands against his shoulder in a fallen mess. He presses his hands against my back, spreading back to be around my shoulders, circling his fingers across my arms in a source of comfort.

    "Let it out," he whispers as my eye widen in complete shock.

    And then I squint them back close, flinging my hands to his back, grabbing fistfulls of his cape.

    And I sob, as loud as I want because with Janus, I'm a little better than before.

    I'm safer than when I was alone.

And I'm not pushed away.

I'm not the outcast with him

I wail, uncontrollably so. Because what's the point of stifling it in any longer?

Another pair of much heavier footsteps run in the corridor outside the room, and then they appear in the doorway, and I peek my eyes open enough to watch Remus drop his mace onto the ground with a clash, cracking the floorboards. All to rush forward, also wide eyed with shock like I was a moment ago, but for a different reason completely, and he falls onto my bed to my left, embracing us too, with a big, wide, welcoming warmth.

I'm trapped in two pairs of arms, trying to hold me together. Both of my protectors, both of my best friends, trying to mend a shattered, and fragile thing back together again.

A broken mess, surrounded by superglue. Someone who's grabbing the barest of string, all to stay afloat.

"What did they do? Tell me! And I'll-" Remus mutters more to himself, shaking his head beside mine as I spread my palm over his shoulder to grip the harsh fabric against my own skin.

"They didn't hurt Virgil," Janus lies.

"They'll pay, I swear to God - they'll - they'll -"
    "You need to calm down too, Remus. It'll not be fine. I will sort it."
    "I can help, Jannie. You don't have to -"
    "One thing at a time, Remus." Remus squeezes me tighter, as I sniff pathetically against both of them.

    "It's not right! They've got no right -"
    "I'll never leave again," I cut through. "I'm sorry I did before. But I've learnt my lesson."
    "How about a night of disney movies?" Janus changes the subject of conversation. A lighter topic to hide the fate of reality. "Sound horrible?"
    "Absolutely awful. Let's do it." Remus holds onto us tighter briefly, before letting go completely, edging away and so does Janus, but the bitter cold envelopes me immediately, and I hate everything about it, so I wrap my own arms around myself, clenching my arms, digging my fingernails into my skin.

    I don't want to be alone.

    I didn't want them to let go.

    "Can we watch the favourites?" I mutter, finally staring at Remus properly who leans forward, and brushes his fingers over my cheeks for me, to clear the tears from my face, and then he lifts my head higher. He smiles wickedly, nodding and leaping to his feet.

    "Virgil, all you need is in this room right now," he announces, dramatically with his hands on his hips. I manage to nod towards him, cracking a small smile when I say,
    "Are you talking about My Chemical Romance CD's, or you two?"
    "Both, I think," Janus adds, offering his hand to me as he stands back up beside Remus who can't keep still.

    "Then you're right, I guess."
    "That's more like it. We'll mess about with them sooner or later. And they will never see it coming. Maybe we should -"
    "First, let's take this time to ourselves," Janus butts in, as I accept his offer, taking his hand in my own. He helps me to my feet, and I flip my hood over my head. Another protective layer from the world.

Not that I need it much with these two around.

I dig my hands into my hoodie pockets, feeling my eye shadow drip.

    Drip.

    Drip.

    So I wipe it away.

    "As you wish," I say to them. "You take the lead."    

    I sniff pathetically again.

    I'm never giving them another chance.

THANK YOU FOR READING!!