TRUTH----“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
―Marilyn Monroe
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At this moment…. Jae will try to explain to me why dae is acting so ARROGANT towards me. And I hope I will understand him, or at least I hope that his reason really is UNDERSTANDABLE. Like I have a choice but to listen, so go on…..
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Youngjae POV:
What am I doing?? I love Hwa-Young, but if I hid the truth from her in exchange for her choosing me rather than Daehyun…. Would I be a happy? If I told her what Dae truly feels, it’s like I am betraying myself and forgetting m own feelings. But if I hid the truth, Hwa-Young MAY love me, but I would be eaten by my conscience. Taking advantage of the situation, taking advantage of the confused Dae who is my bestfriend and wouldn’t it be the same as stealing? So which is better… betraying me or others?
“Two days ago……”, I started talking, getting Hwa-Young’s attention. “Dae talked to me. He knew that I love you and he knew that he loves you. Then he told me ‘You’re aware right? That I like her?’. And ofcourse I know that he liked you, or moreover he loves you but, he himself is not aware of that LOVE inside him.”
It is very silent…. Silence that is so loud… so noisy, making ones ear hear nothing and see nothing but mere darkness. Though even without hearing a thing from Hwa-Young or even looking at her. I know she’s listening. I know she’s looking at me, trying to understand and reach Daehyun’s feelings.
“You said it, right? That in the yacht, everything is going great between you too. Which is just this morning, and then he suddenly changed his attitude towards you after our arrival here. There is a very big reason behind it. He once again talked to me upon our arrival, but this time he is very serious and he looks so confused. He told me weird things but I knew he’s sincere. This is how our conversation went on:
Daehyun: ‘Jae, I can’t do this,’ saying that made me confused and when I was about to asked him what it is, he continued. ‘I never felt like this. I want to be with her, I AM so much happier when she but the thing is I don’t know what I am feeling. I want to touch her but, if I get an inch closer to her….. I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be able to stop. Afraid that I would ruin her life and making her mine. I know I am very selfish, but what should I do when I don’t even know what this feeling is!!’
Jae: And so I asked him, ‘What made you think that I know the answer? You yourself cannot understand your own feelings, so how can I? You’re the only one that could answer your questions.’
Dae: He sat at the corner, sulking. ‘At first, I was contented by just being with her and I thought that I could control myself…. But after what happened during the party, I don’t even know myself. I turned into a monster. A monster who is trying to make a girl his own possession. And now, I am going deeper and deeper into this darkness inside me. I tried restraining myself, although before I realized it... I really can’t and I’m starting to crave for her.”
Jae: ‘So what do you plan to do?’
Dae: ‘……………..’ He left without saying a word and went to your room and that’s when Scarlet and he left without you.’
“He didn’t tell me what he is planning to do and even I was surprised when he turned arrogant towards you and I didn’t understand him at all. But then, I recall everything he’s told me and realized that he is planning to avoid you, or to be more precise, he wanted YOU to avoid HIM. How? By making you mad at him.”
Hwa-Young sat there quietly, waiting for me to continue…..
“I don’t’ know if I should continue….. But-“
“GO ON! I wan to know the truth. All of it”, Hwa-Young suddenly butted in.
“Hmph. Truth is it? But what if I am not telling the truth this whole time?”, I asked her in sarcasm.
“*smile* wouldn’t benefit by lying. And I can’t consider what you’re saying as a lie, I know you treasure Daehyun above all things”, she really knows me.
“Ofcourse not… I treasure you more than him *grins*”, I made myself seemed to be joking, but what I just told her was true. I treasure Dae so much, but don’t treasure anything more than Hwa-Young, he girl I love.
“I will continue then”, I don’t know what the outcome will be after what I’m going to tell her. But truth is selfish, impatient and a little insecure. “Before going out, he once again talked to me and I can see that he’s troubled. ‘*grin* I tried avoiding her and make her mad so that she herself would go away from me. In that way, I though that I would be able to avoid this monster inside me with the hope of saving Hwa-Young from myself. But that is not what happened. As I bombarded her with words which I know hurt her, she is slowly drifting farer and farer and it is what I waned. But as she went away, the effect was the opposite. Instead of me forgetting what I feel, the darkness inside me grew bigger, slowly swallowing me which made me want her to be mine more. I wanted her everything, everything and mark her as mine so that no one can steal her. But I can’t!! One single mistake that I would make can signal the end of her path leading to her future. And up until now, I don’t know what this uneasy, greedy feeling is. It is not love, love should be enjoyable right? And if you love, you would do everything to grow closer to the person that you love and do everything to make her happy. But I my case, I’ve been doing and feeling the exact opposite of love.’
“Seeing him like that is painful for me. And to be honest, this is the first time he’s been like that. He’s in the balcony….. Just in case that you wou----“, Hwa-Young went up hurryingly and ran away. Leaving nothing even a word.
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“That idiot!! What is he thinking??!! Avoiding me… Making me mad at him! What is he thinking?! He’s doing it for me; well I don’t see it that way! And yeah, he said it! HE IS SELFISH!”, my thoughts are crazy. I’m blaming Dae as the cause of his own sufferings, is that even the right thing to do?
*rushed towards the balcony*
Daehyun is there, standing alone, looking out at the unending horizon. “What brings you here?”
“*hugged him from the back* Bastard!! Making me yours? Are you stupid? Darkness inside you? That’s not even like you at all. I’m fine with what we used to be so could you please stop your head from thinking nonsense?”, I recklessly told him my feelings. Telling him what I feel.
“*laughs* Yeah, going back at the things that I’ve told Jae, it is indeed kinda surprising….. But hose words are what I truly feel. Then, what are you doing here? You’ve heard from Jae right? *Faced me, putting his face close to mine* What if I won’t be able to resist? You even hugged me. What if I mistook it and think that you’re allowing me to take your everything?”, Dae is sure out of himself. I wonder what kind of drug did he intake to be this out of his mid.
“*hugged him tightly*whatever”, I confidently hugged him, ignoring his threats.
“Aren’t you listening?! Doing intimate stuffs. What if I-“, yeah, I heard him.
“I heard you and you’re talking a lot. Well thanks for the effort of explaining but I only want to tell you that I TRUAT YOU.” I trust Dae. He won’t do anything bad to me, after all, HE IS JUNG DAE HYUN and that won’t ever change.
He pushed me away…. But then he held my hand and whispered to my ears “I finally understand my feelings. Now let us take things step by step. Rushing won’t do good right? *winked at me*”
“What feeling are you talking about?”, after asking him that, he suddenly blushed. And that made me happy ^^ He is now back to normal.
“W-what? I know you know it. Do I even have to state it directly?”, he said.
“Umm…. Yeah. I won’t understand it if you won’t say it. So now say it”, I’m only making fun of him but…..
“I LOVE YOU!”, I didn’t expected him to seriously do it.
“Hahahha. Really? Did you come up with that decision yourself?”, I asked him because just to be sure.
“No, I asked this darkness inside me. And he said that he can wait until that darkness inside you, who wants me, to grow.” Now that is creepy.
“What the?! Shut up! I’m not like you. Saying something like taking away my everything. You out of your mind!!”,
“Fine, fine. I’m sorry… Say! Tomorrow, since we have a free time in our school trip, would you mind coming along with me and Jae?”, I guess he’s back.
“To where? “
“It’s a surprise! So yes or no?”
“Sure. Just makes sure you’re darkness is not up to something…”
“Hahaha… He won’t. I told you right? STEP BY STEP.”
“Okay! If you say so ^^.” It is very relieving, knowing that everything is now fine and that we’re back to normal. AND “OH!! I haven’t thanked Jae yet!! Hurry Dae!”, we wan away holding onto each others hands.. and the great feeling is back. I’m so happy ♥
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The wind is blowing so hard this night. The breeze is so cold and the waves are hitting as I sat beside the shore. It’s surprising that no matter how little the sands are, only a few are washed away and those that are together and are close with each other remains. The stay together no matter how big and strong the waves are, and even some sands are being washed away, new ones came. Nature is really balanced and peaceful. Being able to see and feel this is so wonderful and relaxing………..
No matter how hard a wind would blow, our bonds with each other won’t be shaken (Youngjae, Daehyun, me, and Scarlet). Those who have tight bonds would always stay together despite the crashing waves it would encounter. While the loose bonds would be washed away, and as those weak bonds go away (past mistakes) it would be replaced by new ones which are now stronger and tighter. Knowing that you won’t wither no matter what is very fun and relaxing.
