The Merry Men Masquerade

15. Dusk Till Dawn

Ronan was no stranger to a mind overrun. Agency over his thoughts was something he'd never quite mastered; the best he could do was organize them into something digestible, and so he'd learned to think in discrete arrangements. That much hadn't failed him before.

It was failing him now. Rather spectacularly.

1. Amir had kissed him.

2. Ronan had kissed him back.

3. That had happened multiple times. The kissing.

4. Oh, and before that, Amir had taken this huge risk all to see Ronan smile, and-

5. Amir had kissed him!

6. And, god, the size of his hands on Ronan's waist-

Ronan was getting nowhere. He was so distracted at work, he was fairly sure Amos had sent him out to the fields out of annoyance, and even now-

"You'll be useless if you lose a finger, hero."

Sadie was, of course, exaggerating. The hammer in Ronan's grip was entirely under his control as he hounded a nail through the plank she held. A new hole seemed to appear in the fence every week, and he normally found the mindlessness of repair tedious, but today he was grateful for the freedom it allowed. He hammered absently and tuned out Sadie's drabble and relived the events of the night before over and over.

"Alright, you're starting to scare me," Sadie cut short her rant about . . . well, Ronan didn't know. He'd been too busy fantasizing about item twenty-seven (another iteration of 'he kissed me'-it was a rather circular list). "I'm afraid."

"I can't imagine why."

Sadie appraised him with wary eyes. "You're very . . . good-humored, today."

"My goodness," Ronan gasped. "You're right, that is scary."

Sadie pointed a long, rusting nail threateningly at his head. Ronan raised his hammer. He tried for imposing but couldn't suppress a giggle, and she pointed at his mouth with an accusatory "Ha!"

"See? You aren't normally so giving with that smile of yours." She lowered her weapon in truce. "It's nice to see you so happy. I'm only curious what's brought it on."

Fondness mellowed Ronan's unconvincing glare as she shuffled her feet.

"You want me so desperately."

Sadie snatched the hammer and Ronan ran for his life.

He did not tell her why he was so giddy, and she didn't ask again. To be so transparent was unsettling, but to tamper his mood proved as impossible as reigning in his thoughts, so he resigned to the fate of being studied. Observant as Sadie was, he doubted even his best efforts could've fooled her, anyway.

Amos kept him working inside for the next couple of days, and Ronan was thankful. He didn't need prying eyes on him when his excitement bled into longing, when replaying Amir's touch in his head began to leave him restless and wanting.

An uncomfortable awareness settled as he sat alone before the fire some seventy hours since the last time Amir had kissed him, wishing to reset that clock to zero with ears peeled for a knock that wasn't due for days. It occurred to him that he had left himself entirely vulnerable. No way to contact Amir, no choice but to wait; he had placed all the power in hands he couldn't yet trust.

Every sign suggested that Amir cared for him deeply, perhaps even desperately, and Ronan wanted just as badly to believe it was true.

But he'd never been right about that sort of thing before.