Confessions of a Self-Proclaimed Basorexic

"Dave Franco was a doctor!"

"Hey, are you feeling Nacho Cheesy, or Blue Ranchy?" I asked, while trying to manage balancing the phone between my ear and holding a basket full of junk, while still prowling through shelves of snacks.

"I'm definitely leaning more towards Blue Ranch. Oh, and can you pick up some pizza bites?"

"If you weren't so helplessly finicky when it came to guys, I'd think you were pregnant with all these food cravings." I teased.

"Well, if I meet an athletic doctor, who likes long romantic walks on the beach, while watching the sunset, then I'd definitely have his babies, but until then I'm single like a pringle."

I sighed. "I hope you know pringles actually come in stacks, so they aren't actually single.. and really Natina? A doctor? You are seventeen years old!"

"Dave Franco was a doctor!"

"Dave Franco played a medical student on a TV show, not to mention he is 27 frickin' years old!" I stood in the middle of the aisle pinching the bridge of my nose. This girl was so exasperating.

"Whatever. Just hurry up. We're hungry." Natina deadpanned.

I was too caught up in her tone of voice that it took me a while to realize what she said.

"Natina... what do you mean we?" I asked cautiously.

"What are you talking about? I said me, I mean I'm hungry. Where did you get we from?" she scoffed. "Anyways, put your ass in gear, yeah? Talk to you when you get here." and the line went dead.

I grabbed my phone from between my ear and shoulder and squinted at it, as if it held all the answers to the wonders of the world. She was so... weird. But what else was new. I rolled my eyes and shoved my phone in my back pocket and I strolled towards the freezer section to get this girl her pizza bites before she had a meltdown if I showed up without them. I looked at my basket and realized I didn't really have much, so when I walked to the cash registers, I stood in the express checkout line.

"Mam, it's ten items or less." the cashier informed me as I loaded the last my items up onto the conveyor belt.

"Yes, I am aware." I answered, slightly irritated that he called me mam, when he looked about the same age I did.

"There are eleven items here." he pressed

Is he really kidding me right now? He must be!

I quirked an eyebrow at him, silently testing to see if he were serious.

"Mam, this is the express line specifically for ten items or less."

Man, this guy was really working my nerves. It was one frickin' item over. Was he really going to complain about one bloody item. I mean it wasn't even as if he had to type in the bar code or anything, he just had to scan the damned thing!

"I'm only one item over, can't you just overlook it, please?"

"I'm sorry, mam, but that's against the store's policy."

If he did not stop calling me mam, I am seriously going to shove Doritos where the sun don't shine.

"Seriously, dude, I have places to be so can you just ring me up already. It's just one item, I don't see what the big deal is." I huffed.

"What the big deal is, mam, is that you are in the wrong line. So please move, so I can help other customers."

I could tell I was testing his patience.

"Fine! I want to speak with your manager!" I barked, fed up.

"I am the manager!" he barked back.

I scoffed. "Bullshit! You don't look a day over fifteen. Now ring me up, or go get the real manager, before I write a letter to company, getting you properly fired."

The boy fumed as he scanned and baggaged my goods. He obviously didn't like the jab I made at his age. I handed over purposely crumpled money and heard him mutter obscenities to himself as he gave me my change.

"Have a good day, mam." he said smugly, obviously knowing I hated when he called me that.

"Piss off, boy." I shot back and heard him grumble.

I smiled to myself and constantly played back the scene in my head throughout the short walk to Natina's place.

My smile instantly dropped when the door opened to Natina's apartment.

"You don't look too happy to see me. Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I did. I most likely didn't mean it."

Mat launched into stream of unnecessary apologies, making my head spin.

I held up a hand signaling him to stop, but he just kept on racing through. His mouth going a mile a minute, talking about I don't know what, so I just shoved past him walking towards the kitchen.

"Oh hey, let me help you with those." he said "Why didn't you call me? I would've came to the grocery store and carried these for you."

"I didn't know you were going to be here." I muttered, mostly to myself, but of course he just had to hear it!

"Natina didn't tell you? Oh, well yeah, I'm here with Jessica." he shrugged.

I tilted my head to the side, causing my side bangs to fall flush into my face. Mat put the snacks down on the counter and reached over to brush my bangs to the side.

"Who's Jessica?"

"I am." a nasally voice sounded from behind Mat.

Mat jumped, removing his hand from my face and putting them behind his back. I peered around him and saw a petite girl with unruly curls brushed back into a ponytail. Her eyebrows were thick and arched. Her nose pointy and slim. She had this witch-like look going on for her, all she really needed was a mole. However, she wasn't exactly ugly. My eyes slid to the left of her, seeing Natina watching our encounter with an amused smile.

Mat awkwardly cleared his throat. "Gina this is Jessica. Jessica this is Regina." he introduced us. "Oh yeah, right, she's my girlfriend by the way." he added as if it were an after thought.

I raised my eyebrow quizzically at Natina, who had her fingers over her mouth trying to subdue an on coming laugh.

My eyes slid back to Jessica. "Oh, hey... Jessica" I tried.

"Hm." she snorted turning around and exiting the kitchen.

What a witch.