Guiltiness

Worries

Albus would like to know what his friend was thinking. But Scorpius is more than just a friend, isn't he? Boyfriend? What does this word mean? Partner? He has no right to title him like that. The ambiguity in their relationship occupied Albus so much that he already - again - started having problems at school, especially in potions. Humiliatingly, he had to ask his friend for help once again. But this time, he got an answer that he hadn't gotten in all the long years spent together at Hogwarts. Scorpius didn't have time today because he had already promised something to someone else!

Albus was completely confused when he discovered that the event was taking place in Gryffindor, and Scorpius had been invited to it by Rose Weasley! And nobody cares that Albus would fail the test because of it!

Okay, it's a nerdy event, some creative writing and reading the nonsense in public, but Albus was still profoundly offended that he wasn't invited. Of course, he's not smart enough to be counted on.

Scorpius reluctantly promised to study potions with him later after the event. He instructed him on what to look up in the textbooks. Albus felt like a little kid whose parents promise to check his homework when they come home from the party.

The evening dragged incredibly. Albus couldn't concentrate on anything at all, and certainly not on advanced potions. Why on earth did he enrol on that stupid class? Just because of Scorpius so that he could be with him, otherwise he would have chosen something more fun and - he had to admit - easier. He hesitated for a long time whether to go to the event to look, just to walk around, to find out what was happening. He found it incredibly embarrassing, but the clock seemed to have stopped. This was unbearable!

But how will he get to the Gryffindor common room? He doesn't know the password. For a while, he wandered around the portrait of the Fat Lady, who was watching him very sternly.

"Another Slytherin wants to get here?" she said coquettishly. She had a soft spot for him because he was so damn similar to Harry Potter, especially his beautiful green eyes!

" I just wanted to see if my friend was here," Albus decided on a moderate strategy.

The lady took him into the picture, and he looked through; it was like he was looking out the window. The Gryffindor common room was quite busy, and the students seemed to be having a good time and laughing at something. Clearly, this was no longer an organised event but a regular party. He could see Scorpius clearly. The green colour clearly distinguished him from the red Gryffindors. He was sitting next to Rose and didn't seem to want to leave the seat any time soon. Albus thanked the Lady sheepishly and slowly trudged back to the Slytherin dormitory.

Scorpius came back late after lights out, maybe at eleven o'clock. He didn't feel like apologising for anything; he laughed so much that Albus suspected he was a little drunk. The truth was that he was simply happy that others were starting to accept him, that he had new friends in a different, more prestigious house, and that, for the first time, he experienced something like social success.

He completely forgot about his promise to help Albus with potions. He planted a baby kiss on Albus' cheek and soon breathed calmly in his sleep.

Albus was beside himself with rage, wracked with jealousy and envy. Deciding to show everyone, he diligently immersed himself in his studies. He was utterly exhausted after a night spent in the textbooks, but for the first time in his life, he did better than Scorpius on the potions test. However, Scorpius didn't care about it and acted as if nothing had happened.

Something has changed since that party. Not in Scorpius's relationship with Albus, which was still unclear, but more in the blond Slytherin's general demeanour. He seemed more confident, hanging out with the other students more often. Albus observed with horror that he was the only outsider here. At the same time, he couldn't help but notice that a few girls started hanging around his friend, including Rose Weasley. His heart almost jumped out of his chest as he remembered how he had met her at night in the herb garden a few days ago... So she had the herbs for... for... Albus was overwhelmed with the feeling of suffocation, his heart almost leaping out of his body. He felt like dying in a minute. He couldn't stand still. He felt like the walls of the room were going to bury him.

He ran outside, breathing as fast as he could, or he would probably go crazy. He was incredibly dizzy. It seemed to him that his soul had left his body, he saw himself as being in a bad movie, and he could not control his thoughts, feelings, or body at all. He ran without a clear direction, just in vain, until he fell to the ground with absolute exhaustion somewhere beyond the quidditch field. His whole body was shaking, it was not possible to stop it at all. It was a terrible feeling, like some kind of curse. He was afraid that it would come back again... He was paralysed by the fear of dying, and at the same time, it seemed better than any more suffering. He had never experienced such a terrible feeling. He cried, pulled his legs to his body, and soon fell asleep from exhaustion.

He woke up a few hours later; it was already dark. He was terribly cold. He ran towards the illuminated Hogwarts castle. It was clear that he would not get away with the night trip a second time. He would at least receive school punishment.

Several figures were moving around the castle. Looking closer, he realised they were Gryffindor students.

"Finally, where are you? We are looking for you everywhere."

Albus looked up in confusion. "Me? Are you sure you're looking for me?"

"Sure, Scorpius asked for our help." The Gryffindor Prefect looked important and led Albus like a lost child towards the Slytherin common room.

Scorpius hugged him so tight and for so long that suddenly he didn't need an answer to any question. He felt absolutely safe in his arms. But his friend had many questions. Albus wouldn't have admitted his early evening experience. The version that was at least somewhat true didn't sound very convincing - why on earth would someone fall asleep outside on the grass, so far from the castle? Moreover, no Quidditch match was played today, and the training sessions were over by then. And Albus wasn't interested in Quidditch at all...

"I was so worried about you," Scorpius whispered. "I think I like you a little too much," he added a little sheepishly. He hugged Albus and held him possessively until he fell asleep. But Albus couldn't sleep, his head was full of all sorts of thoughts, and even though he had every reason to be happy right now, his worries didn't leave him.