𝙲𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚜 & 𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚜 || 𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚐𝚒

Saudade

There was silence between them. They had been quiet for some moments until Namjoon took the first initiative. 

"Hyung, about that day; what you said—"

"I don't expect an answer, Joon-ah," Yoongi interrupted him, his face gentle and tone gentler and Namjoon felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. "It's stupid to expect an answer-"

"No, it's not—"

"It is, though. I thought it would be easier if I just confessed but I… I didn't realize I was putting it all on you, I was expecting an answer from you. It's scary– this whole thing, I mean– like, one moment you know this thing about yourself all your life and then suddenly like a flipped switch you start doubting it. I'm sorry, Joon-ah. I really am."

"It was hard, I guess," Namjoon sighed out as he looked out at the river. Standing near the bridge brought back some memories, the horrible ones, especially. "It still is but that's alright." Yoongi didn't know what to say to that so Namjoon was the one who spoke up again.

"Why do you like me, anyways?" And Yoongi looked at him like he said something really dumb. "Don't get me wrong, it's not some self-deprecating thing but I'm just curious. Listen, I might be smart but we all know I have as much personality as a wet tissue paper. I'm just- I don't know, a very mid… choice?"

Yoongi stared at him for a few seconds and then chuckled a bit, looking away. "Yujin liked you, though," he said, drawing out his words lazily.

"I don't really think so," Namjoon replied. "We never really talked that much. It was very recent. We just got beaten up together and helped each other stand up after they left. We don't even know anything about each other! It's- It's kind of weird if someone likes me even without knowing much."

"Is it really?" Namjoon turned to see Yoongi staring straight ahead, not at him but at the sky, a small smile alight on his face. He then turned his face to meet his eyes, wind messing up his hair that grew a bit long. Namjoon wanted to fix his hair for him. "How much do I know about you?"

"You know a lot! You know my favourites!"

"Kalguksu, samgyeopsal, Song of Achilles, Almond, Yun Hyong-keun and Kim Whan-ki's art, Epik High, Nas, Troye Sivan, Twice, and Seventeen. And you love Black, purple and pink. This is a small part of what I know but I don't think I know enough about you. I don't think I'll ever know enough about you. I learn a new thing about you everyday and I still feel like there is a universe's worth of things left to know." He couldn't avert his eyes until he was reminded of something and his eyes widened for a second and then he averted it. "Sorry. I didn't-I couldn't- I'm really sorry—"

"It's alright," Namjoon stopped him, a bit too fast but then took a huge breath. "I guess I… kind of feel flattered. I mean, this is the first time someone, you know, liked me that way."

"Yujin liked you. Even before we talked I'd seen her stare at you. It was gross and disgusting… it was like she would've pooped heart through her eyes if she could. Some girls from other classes like you too. I've seen them ask about you from the asswipes of our class and the nurse. So many people like you." I like you. They both knew it went unsaid. 

Woah, this was ridiculous. Namjoon never realized he'd talk about this to someone, much less to Yoongi, leave alone someone who likes him. Namjoon didn't want to admit it but he was kind of glad and also scared that Yoongi liked him. 

Gosh! This feels unreal.

"Hyung, does your mother know that you…"

"That I like guys? No. But I'm sure she'll be disappointed if she does. We'll, I hope my father doesn't know." Yoongi chuckled before uttering the next words quietly. "He will kill me."