My diary

May 29th

Today was our last day of school ,I didn't go because people made of my year book picture yesterday and I didn't want to go through that . Anyway right now I feel horrible....I don't want to eat anything. I just can't stand my body it's so disgusting. People say I'm skinny but I don't believe them .
Sometimes I get so depressed that i starve myself because I feel so ugly . I wish I can think of myself as pretty and beautiful but I just can't ...I've tried and it's never worked . When I don't eat I feel better about myself...so when my self esteem gets this low that's what I do . I know it's bad but it makes me feel better. I use it as a coping skill just like I do with cutting .
This can go on for a long time sometimes two days to two weeks it didn't sound that bad but I only weigh 86 pounds and I think I'm fat . What causes this is my thoughts and the way I think about myself.
All I want is to be perfect.