Life is unfair

Others have it worse

~Holly~

tw: mention of sh,suicidal thoughts, self-hatred

"Others have it worse"
"Don't be like that"
"You have no reason to feel that way."

Yes, I know that, I know I'm an ungrateful spoiled child. I know I have no reason to be mentally ill and I know I have no right to feel the way I do, but do you think I choose to? Do you think I enjoy starving myself, do you think I like the feeling of watching the lines on my arms turn red and bloody ? do you really think I enjoy wishing every single day was my last? I know you think I'm just acting. like "it's not that bad" you make that clear to me often enough when you see me on the floor crying and say "I wish I had your problems too" but believe me you wouldn't want to change.I know how „bad your problems are" and that you just pull yourself together. I know that so many people in the world are much worse than I am.I know that I have no reason to fell bad, that there are people with real problems,but i have fucking feelings too.Do you know how bad it is when you constantly telling me not to act like that. How it is not taken seriously, and for my problems constantly condemned and criticized to be.Do you really think the best way to help me in this situation, is to make me realize how weak and ridiculous I and my problem are.Because of you I have lost the small last part of me ,that really wanted to get better, and who wanted to ask for help.You made me realize that I have no right to get help ,that it is worse for others and these people deserve the help much more than I.That I should pull myself together and just move on.I believe that in the meantime I'm just not worth it....