Daddy's little BluePrint

•Chapter Eight•

Chara's Background*

I was born in Colorado with both of my parents by my side. My parents were never married and just like you, I was an only child. Even though we didn't have much my dad made sure we had enough! My dad worked a Nine to five job while my mom was a stay-at-home parent. Ever since I was a toddler she had high expectations for me and wanted me to be "perfect." Her parenting style was strict and religious, and she was focused on how I carried myself. I wasn't allowed to run in the house. I always had to wear dresses, and she even made me wear lipstick at the age of four.

"Sit up straight Chara!"

"No don't play with that toy Chara it's for boys!"

"Girls don't play in the grass; only boys do!"

My dad on the other hand I loved him! He used to always play with me, read me bedtime stories, and he even played dolls with me. He spoiled me and gave me so much attention! There were times when he would play a game with me and when Mama would try to get us to stop playing Daddy wouldn't stop. When he got me candy mama would take it but he always corrected her to give it back. Then whenever it rained he would come sleep in my bed with me to protect me. Even though my dad was always tired of working he always made time for me!

Then after my mama got baptized one day that's when being religiously strict got to her head. She started getting strict around the house. I had to cut down on playtime to read the Bible, meat wasn't allowed in the house, and we started going to church. That wasn't bad until she secretly started to lock me in the closet to repent every time I did something bad. She didn't care if I accidentally "sinned" I went straight to the closet! She told me to never tell Daddy or God was going to send me to hell for telling secrets and five-year-old me believed her every time.

If I wasn't being "girly " enough I had to go in the closet, if I didn't eat with the right forks I had to go to the closet, and if I didn't do my chores it was the closet. Yes, I had chores! Do the dishes, mop the floors, clean my room, and pray. I couldn't even go outside and play with other kids because my mama told me that going outside was against the rules! And sometimes she would leave me in the closet all day.

The more strict my mom was getting the more distant my father was being. He used to be at home a lot but then he would come home late hours of the night. My mom and my dad began to argue more.

"I SWEAR TO GOD HIMSELF YOU ARE NEVER HOME ROGER!" Mama ranted.

"AND YOU'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING WHEN I AM HOME! You always bicker and fuss! It's like everything me and Chara do is a problem with you."Dad responded.

"YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!"Mama hollered.

"NO! IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING WE DO BOTHERS YOU! ARE YOU EVEN HAPPY HERE??" Dad asked.

"I should be asking you the same thing! Since you are always "Working late" and who is she anyway!?" Mama asked.

"WHAT?!?" Dad exclaimed.

Mama folded her arms and said, "You must think I'm boohoo the gotdamn fool! I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON! You always get phone calls, come home late, and you barely call me! Whenever you do call, it's only for Chara."

"Ya damn skippy I don't wanna talk to yo ass! Because it's always something new with you."

"WHY DO YOU WANNA BE AWAY FROM ME WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU!?" Mama shouted.

"OH SO NOW YOU WANNA PLAY VICTOM!" Daddy replied.

I would hear them screaming at each other nonstop back in forth next door from my room. But I think what put the icing on the cake was when my dad found me in the closet sleeping one night when I was on punishment. Then he began to question me.

"It's late at night baby girl what are you doing in the closet?" Daddy asked.

"Mama put me here for punishment. She said I'd go to hell if I didn't ask god to forgive me!"

Then my dad was so mad he woke my mom up and they went from arguing to throwing things at each other. I ran back into the closet and closed the door. I cried hard that night and I didn't come out until my dad came and got me. He carried me to bed and slept with me that night!

I remember waking up the next day and I went into the living room and saw my parents sitting on the couch. There were bags by the door with a huge suitcase. Then my dad walked up to me got on his knees and said "Babygirl...me and your mom have decided that we want to break up and we can't do this anymore!"

He held my hands tightly and I began to tear up as he was talking.

"Your mom and I don't get along but that doesn't mean that I won't be in your life. Daddy just needs to go and stabilize, then I'll come back for you, I promise." Dad pledged.

I broke down crying knowing that our family was over and at the time I couldn't understand why. With that, I cried in my daddy's arms and my mama pulled him away from me! She pulled us apart and kicked my daddy out. Now I did see him a few weekends after that day and then he promised to come get me for the summer, but then Mama told me some heartbreaking news that he went off and left the state.

At first, I thought it was a lie until I didn't see him anymore after that. Then my mama signed me up for beauty pageants, took me into an all-girls private school, and kept putting me in the closet whenever I had done anything wrong. It's like she went from bad to worse!

But what pushed me to my limit was when my fifth-grade year came up and it was my graduation. Some girls made the honor roll but I didn't! I only got my certificate to pass elementary. That was my only certification! I didn't get any ribbons or anything extra that proved how much of a good student I was.

After graduation, it was quiet during the ride home. No music or anything! Just silence. Then when we got home I walked to the kitchen and started looking in the fridge for some food and momma followed behind me.

She got in front of me then closed the fridge door and she slapped the hell out of me! She hit me so hard I fell on the floor.

She stood over me and yelled "DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT IS! TO SEE EVERYBODY ELSE'S DAUGHTER GET AN HONOR ROLL RIBBON AND OTHER CERTIFICATES WHEN ALL YOU GOT WAS NOTHING!! I AM SO EMBARRASSED OF YOU THAT YOU MAKE ME SICK!! WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO DISAPPOINT ME??"

She was SCREAMING at me and she CUSSED me out! It was so bad that it made me want to isolate away from my mom forever. She picked me up by my arms and locked me in the closet again for the rest of the day. I sat there crying, angry and upset at the fact that she wasn't even proud of me. Instead, she was the total opposite and I don't know if she thought locking me in the closet was going to make anything any better but she had me fucked up. I just graduated and even though it wasn't the best grade at least I didn't fail but that's what she made it seem like.

And from that day forward I started to resent my mom because I felt isolated, and I started to resent the world and everyone around me. I also began to grow hatred for my dad because he left me to deal with her by myself. If the devil was a person my mom would be the devil! Her horns are clearer than a bull's. It got to a point where home didn't even feel like home. It felt like HELL!

During the summer when I was on my mom's phone, I decided to snoop through my mom's Facebook friend page and search for my dad. It took some time but when I finally found his page that's when I realized he had a new family. In the picture, I saw two kids and a woman who had a ring on her finger.
I saw their wedding pictures and a video of babies playing at the park. That was my breaking point for me! It's like when I saw that video my world shut down and...everything faded to darkness. My happiness, my soul, and my life!

The end of this chapter