shrek x reader

slay

you didn't have a boyfriend to forget about so you went to the hotel room. if you knew shrek, he would give you a highly enjoyable experience. you were so excited you didn't know what to do with yourself. this much was clear when you walked in to someone on your way. the situation became even more tense when you realized it was ed.
"hey y/n. long time no see. i just have to say thank you for rejecting me, it helped me realize i'm actually not in love with the shape of you!"

"glad to have been of service, ed. but that was also kind of rude. i'm exchange i'm willing to join you on tour and sing fight song. i'm really good."

"fair enough."

and with that, ed patted your petite head and left into the night. now you were rushing to the hotel room, because you knew shrek would have started with this girlfriends he brought without you. this was your motivation as you hurried up the 55 flights of stairs to the fateful room of shrek. you had heard tales about it, but never did you think you would actually set foot inside it. t'was a glorious feeling.

as you made it to the hotel room, you heard the booming notes from "hotel room service" by pitbull. this was your favorite song!
you opened the door slowly, wanting to savor this moment. however, shrek wasn't in there. all there was was a ransom note, saying that they had kidnapped shrek and wanted your body in return. you pocketed the note, just in case the kidnapper was hot, and exited the room...