Love me again

CH 68

"What the hell?" I said "I'm sorry. I I can't do it anymore." He said "What do what? What do you mean?" I asked "Love you." He said "you can't love me?" I asked and my heart shattered. "No no you're just drunk baby." I said letting him drink the water. I brought him up the stairs, I helped him change then tucked him in. "You can explain when you're not drunk." I said and kissed his head. I went down and slept on the sofa not wanting to upset him when he wakes up. That was the first time I slept through the night without him. I woke up in the middle of the night to sounds in the kitchen "ram what are you doing?" I asked half asleep getting up to help him "water" he said I held out the glass to him which he took and downed "thanks"he said "that's why I'm here" I smiled a little "night" he said and walked up stairs "night baby I I love you" I said the last part quietly and retired back to my sofa and slept until the morning

"Sierra?" I heard someone shaking me awake. "Mhm" I replied "I have to talk to you later." He said and my eyes shot open. "Why?" I asked. "You'll find out later." He said and I wanted to tear up but I just nodded my head. I got back to the sofa and laid down but this time a lot of thoughts ran through my head. Was he leaving us ? Was it just to talk about arias birthday? Was he deprived ? Was I not a good wife ? I had to stop thinking like this just because he needed to talk didn't mean it was going to be a bad thing I hoped I made breakfast for us he brought her downstairs and out her down as I gave her some fruit and us two some oatmeal He didn't say a word he'd just glance at me and he'd leave me alone. Once we placed her down for nap time he gestured for me to go with him so I did. "Soo umm what did you want to talk about?" I asked nervously.

He still stayed quiet. It worried me "ram what did you need to talk to me about?" I asked him silence, still I needed to know this "baby it's just that I it's been so long and we always get through everything together" I cut him off "are you are you breaking up with me?" I asked "no no it's just that I just umm there's no easy way to say this." He said and my heart started beating fast. "You don't love me anymore." I sighed and moved away from him. "You told me that last night but but I didn't believe you because you were umm drunk." I said with my spice cracking. I cleared my throat. "Umm I'm sorry. I knew we stayed together too long and you'd get fed up with me.." I said softly. "Anyways, is that all you want to tell me?" I asked about to stand up. "I just think that umm how can I say this" he said "it's true isn't it you don't love me anymore" I said standing up "no I do love you I love you it's just that" he said "that what I'm not as pretty as other girls" I said "no it's just that in our relationship "What's with our relationship? There's no other problem if you don't love me. Just admit it you don't love me. I mean you didn't even believe me yesterday. And last night coming home drunk. You never do that. Then you said you didn't love me and the truth comes out whenever anyone is drunk." I said all in one breath. "So what is the problem Ramin?" I asked

"Baby please tell me I know it's not about her birthday plus I got that all sorted months ago so if it's that you have no need to worry just I can't do this without you" I told him "even if I have to kiss you to get you back even if you have to put your hands on my waist making me flinch and the memories come back I'll let you just tell me please before she wakes up" I asked "Sierra It's just that.." he sighed "Can't you just finish your sentence. Every second I have wait makes me panic so just shout it out. Or just say it quickly. Just don't make me wait any longer" I said "It's just that I.." he was killing me I didn't know what he was going to say I wasn't even sure if he loved me anymore I don't know why he was drunk yesterday I don't know why he gave me the silent treatment during breakfast "baby please just tell me" I begged "I hate fighting with you" I told him "okay okay it's just that Aria is just growing up so fast." He said with a smile. "Is that all?" I asked "Yep." He said and was about to give me a hug. "You worried me because Aria is growing up? Like I don't know. I love her too but that's all. I can't believe you." I said then walked out the door. "Sierra wait." He said grabbing my arm. "Why what's the next problem is it because I'm mad at you. Because I am, you know I don't like it when you joke." I said and continued walking.

"Baby please it's just I came downstairs to you last night because I couldn't sleep by myself so I just watched you and I hadn't noticed this before you you cry in your sleep and your body reacts to the dream your having it was horrible you dream about it how long has this been happening" he asked "I don't dream about it end of the conversation" I said back to him "baby I want to help you" he said "since I was fifteen the first time it happened happy now" I spat "no I'm not you've been so distant this past month you wake up go to work ignore me play with aria which is fine she's our child but we haven't kissed in what seems for months what's wrong" he asked "I thought you were mad at me since I was with someone else and was being so mean and not thinking of you. I just didn't want to make things worse." I said "You made it worse by not doing it, it's just one of the little things that make me know you're okay and you still love me." He said "Oh, of course it's my fault because everything is." I said and rolled my eyes.

"I never said it was your fault" he said back to me "you might as well say that'' I told him walking towards him "maybe everything that happened on this goddamn world is my fault" I said pushing his chest his toned chest "baby that's not what I meant" he said "you don't know how much this hurts being blamed for everything" I said running my hands up and down his toned arms "Okay." He said, which made me get annoyed. "Okay? Fine." I said, I didn't know why I was being annoyed so easily. I went back to the sofa and laid down. Trying to think of what just happened. "Sierra, what's wrong now?" He asked so I started to pretend to sleep. "I know you're awake." He said and I turned to face the sofa. "Baby please" he said I rolled over to face him and sat up "just talk to me" he asked "you your just your just I can't even begin to explain" I said back at him "what have I done" he said "your just your just so you" I got up off the sofa as he sat down "I'm just what" he asked as I moved closer to him "your just so just shut up" I said and took my hands on his face and kissed him "sie what are you" I cut him off "shhhh just let me"I pushed him on the sofa and got on top of him. "Sierra you said..'' He said "Can't you shut up for a second." I said giving him another kiss. I realized something so I pulled away from me. "Why? Don't you love me?" I asked "Of course I do." He said "Then shut up and enjoy." I repeated. "Honey this isn't for the right reasons'' he told me "can't I just kiss you for more than two seconds it's been like a month" I said and went back to kiss him again dragging him off the sofa to wherever the nearest wall without a picture on was "Sierra, enough." He said and I rolled my eyes and got off him. I laid back down on the sofa. "Sierra" he said "What do you want now? I'm already minding my own business." I asked.

"What's gotten into you just now that was the most out of character thing you have ever done" he asked me "I just want my husband is that such a bad thing" I told him "no but not now" he said "ok later then I just want to forget what he did and that always makes me forget so later tonight please" I told him "okay okay later tonight I'm going to get her so she can play with us now" he said getting up "oh one more thing" I added "I need to run a errand for later that's ok right" I asked and he nodded and went to go get her So it's okay when he does it to me but if it's me it's out of character. How nice of him. I ignored that thought and waited for them to come down. "Hi baby, you have a good nap?" I asked "Mama dada mama dada." She said, maybe because we're not mad at each other again.