The Wolf in a Cage

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I flinched awake to Asta wiping my chest with a damp cloth. 

Asta raised her hands and backed away, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." 

I sat up and closed my shirt. "Don't worry about it." 

I leaned my elbows on my knees. 

We sat listening to my breathing for a while. 

Finally, when I felt a little calmer the fear gave way to exhaustion, "I'm so fucking sick of fainting all the time."

No response was forthcoming, not that I was expecting one. I looked out of the window at the sun hanging low in the sky. 

"How long was I out this time?" 

"Just a few hours." 

"Where is Jozef now?"

"I don't know. He said he had something to do." 

Somehow I felt lighter. I turned to look at Asta. She was kneeling on the floor a cloth in her one hand. 

"You in charge of watching me until he gets back?" 

Asta flinched as if I had slapped her, "Sorry, sorry. That wasn't fair of me. The cult has disbanded." 

Asta nodded sharply. 

"Then thank you... For wiping me down. I assume I was sweating a lot?" I didn't like the thought to anyone touching me while I was unconscious, but Asta was trying to do something nice, "Also I know I didn't exactly respond well to you when I woke up, but thank you for being here. You are a surprisingly soothing presence." I smiled madly. I wanted her to feel comfortable with me. Jozef had taken advantage of her and probably fucked her up quite a bit. She needed people other than him. 

She nodded, but didn't respond vocally, nor did she move from her spot on the floor. 

"Do you want to come watch the sun with me?" 

She looked up surprised. 

As much as this was for her, it was for me too. She was soothing. Anyone who wasn't Jozef was. It reminded me that he wasn't the whole world. 

Slowly as if she was approaching a deer she sat with me on the bed. Together we watched the sun reach for the horizon. 

"I heard what Jozef said to you." The comment was so quiet that for a while after it was said, I sat questioning if it had actually happened. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize how bad you had it." Again in that quiet voice. 

My heart shook slightly. 

"Yeah." I cleared my throat, "But, just kidnapping is still pretty bad." My tone was nonchalant but my throat was tight. 

"I thought he was trying to give you everything in the world and you were being stubborn." She said this at a volume closer to normal. 

My voice went harsh, "Asta, even if that was all there was too it. If it is not something you want no person should force it on you good or bad. Freedom is a basic right." 

In my periphery I saw Asta hang her head. 

"But everyone does things they don't want to do for the betterment of humankind." She muttered. 

This conversation had really turned from soothing to exhausting, but at least I wasn't shaking.

"They do, but those things are under the supervision of a larger governmental body that ensures no one person gets to powerful and ensures that the things the people do don't violate a set of rights." 

          

Asta looked at me, "But bad things still happen under that governance! Wars..."

My voice betrayed no emotion, "It's not a perfect system, but is the best one we've found so far." 

Asta's voice was strained, "But Jozef was leading us for good. He didn't start wars. He cared about us. How can you say that wasn't a good system?" 

I finally looked at her. Her eyes were wide. They radiated anger and anguish. 

"Asta," She flinched when I said her name. She seemed to be begging me not to say anything, "Jozef was doing whatever he wanted. If he controlled a country and wanted something from another one, can you really tell me he wouldn't start a war?" 

 A slew of emotions welled up in her eyes and fought for control of her face. 

A soft shimmer gathered in her eyes. The water collected in at the edges of her eyes, it clung to her lashes. 

Asta shook her head so softly the bubble of tears stayed in tact. 

"No, he." She stumbled over her words hardly getting them out at all. 

"Asta..." I said it cautiously. 

Something Jozef said earlier jumped to the front of my mind, "Her limit is far from reached." 

I finally realized why it made me uncomfortable, "Asta... Did Jozef disband the cult?" 

The bubble popped, tears ran down her face. Asta's hand flew up to wipe them away, but they were dripping down her neck already. 

"Asta?" My voice got harder. 

She shook her head furiously and rolled her eyes, "Of course he did." She gasped an hiccupped through her words. 

"So you know he was manipulating you?" I knew I was being cruel, but I didn't believe her. It had all clicked, and I needed her to say it. 

She made a wet sound that betrayed her pain, "He lead us. He protected us."

"He tricked and manipulated you into kidnapping another woman. A woman he had attacked before." 

She gasped for breath, "To save to world." 

"No. To get control over the woman he's been obsessed with!" 

"He's kind!" Her emotional fight seemed to have been won by anger. 

"He is a monster. I forgot for a while, but while I was screaming under the weight of my memories he was smiling. You heard what he said. He was smiling, Asta!" 

Asta folded forward, her face in her hands. 

"I don't know what he's doing right now, but you are obviously here to watch me. Take my advice and leave while you can." 

As much as it felt like abandoning her to Jozef this would probably be my only chance  to get out. I didn't have time to change her mind. 

I stood from the bed.  

Asta's wail grew louder. 

I couldn't do it.

I  knelt in front of her and cupped her face in my hands, "Come with me. We'll go somewhere he doesn't know and if you still think he's right you can bring me back and save humanity, but give it a chance. Please Asta." I pressed my cheek against the back of her hands, "I have to leave, Asta. Don't make me leave you behind." 

My face was wet as she pulled away softly to look in my eyes. 

Her delicate vulnerability was on clear display. She looked thirsty. Desperate for something to hold on to. 

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