𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 || Cillian Murphy ²

fifteen

(AN: I struggled to write this chapter, so I am so sorry if it's shit! It's long though. Anyway, mild NSFW warning & let me know your thoughts)

"We should actually go out tonight and do something."

Cillian was in his dressing room, changing into his street clothes when Eleanor appeared. She made no effort to knock, instead opting to barge in while he was in the midst of pulling up his pants.

He felt heat creep up his neck from embarrassment, but Eleanor didn't turn away. She stood there, her hazel eyes fixated on his face with an expectant expression, "All we've done this week is hang out here after work, and I'm bored of it," she added tightly.

Within the last few days, Eleanor's quiet and timid demeanor had dramatically shifted to almost abrasively outspoken and overly confident. It was a stark difference from when they first interacted and it left him feeling weary, unsure of what the turnaround meant.

He had gotten to know her relatively well this past week, as they spent almost every night together after his shoots, hanging around set after everyone left to talk and decompress. Truthfully, the day that Cillian had dragged her to the pub after he fought with Auden was the only time they had gone out. Cillian spent the entire night wondering if someone was going to see him, snap a picture, and spread it across the internet. The last thing he felt like dealing with was another "scandal" and the accompanied rumors that Cillian was cheating on Auden.

Auden. He stomach twisted painfully as she popped into his head. Cillian had reluctantly bought a new phone shortly after he destroyed his original one. Thankfully, most of his information had been backup up in the cloud service, but he had instantly wished it hadn't been. He had gotten 10 missed calls from Auden and two voicemails. The first one was a sobbing plea to Cillian to pick up his phone. He only listened to the first few seconds before instantly deleting it, because he couldn't stand the despair that laced her voice as she begged. 

The second voicemail, which she left hours later, was significantly calmer:

"Hey," Auden had said, her tone so soft it was almost a whisper. "Um, first I would like to apologize for spamming your phone. I know you said to, uh, not call you but I dunno. Maybe I'm just hormonal?" She had paused, embarrassment clear in her voice, "Actually ignore what I just said. I don't know where that came from. But I'm sorry, truly. I just wanted to tell you that—"

Her voice cut off, as she took a sharp intake of breath.There was a clear hesitation over line. "I love you and um, maybe we could actually have a civil conversation about all of this when you're ready. Anyway, I'll leave you alone but just know I'm here if you want to talk. Even though I said I didn't want to talk to you. That was, uh, not true, obviously. Because why wouldn't I want to talk to you? You're my best friend," She had paused again, letting out an awkward laugh, "Wow okay, this voicemail is really long and I'm rambling. I'm sorry, uh I love — I love you. Bye."

He had listened to it about a dozen times that night, and again the next morning as he festered over what to do. Then, he continued to listen to it every night before he went to bed, causing his dreams to be engulfed by her imaginary presence. Auden hardly said "I love you" so when she did, it always hit Cillian a lot deeper than it would normally. He missed her terribly, and he felt like he was torturing himself every night as her voice echoed through his hotel room. But he was torn — Cillian couldn't bring himself to reach out to her. When he pulled up her name to call, his mind pictured her with Patrick, and the angry cycle of hatred started all over again.

Besides, this had been her decision, despite what her voicemail had said. He continued to remind himself of this in an effort to not feel guilty about Eleanor.