One day left before we leave for Iran. It's crazy how time flies.
As the clock runs down I feel myself growing more and more anxious about the mission.
I try my best to distract my thoughts by repeating Ghost's words in my head: "You'll be fine."
Will I be, though?
Why can't my mind ever just shut the fuck up?
There's nothing specific planned for today. We've been given the OK by Shepherd to rest up before we leave.
I want to spend time with Ghost but I'm not going to.
What happened between us can't happen again. We can't get close. It wouldn't be good for either of us.
THUD. THUD. THUD.
Please don't be who I think it is...
I open my door and see Soap smiling.
"Hey." I smile softly.
"Hey. Can I come in?" He asks somewhat nervously.
"Of course."
Soap enters my quarters and keeps standing to talk to me.
"You alright?" I ask concerned.
"Yeah, I just wanted to talk...you know, about the other day..." Soap looks to the side, avoiding my gaze.
What is he talking about?
"What do you mean?" I arch a brow, confused.
He's blushing.
"At the bar. Our kiss," he says softly, clearly nervous.
Oh shit. I totally forgot...
Fuck me.
"Oh, haha." I'm nervous now. "What about it? It was just a stupid drunken kiss, right?" I laugh awkwardly.
Soap looks down.
"I just...I mean since meeting you I've always thought that you were really cool and fun to talk to." He scratches the back of his head.
Oh, no.
"And it felt like there was a connection between us at the bar..."
Oh, no. No.
"Did you feel the same way?" Not the puppy dog eyes...
I don't want to hurt him.
"Soap I-" I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry. It was just a kiss. We were both way too drunk," I say pained.
He looks sad and I feel awful.
"You're great, Soap. You deserve someone better than me anyway." I attempt to ease the rejection.
"You're-"
THUD. THUD. THUD.
Huh?
What am I Ms. Popular today?
"Come in," I call out to the person behind the door.
It's Ghost. Oh, great.
Ghost notices Soap's here too.
"Everything alright?" Ghost asks, his tone firm.
I nod my head in response.
Soap looks at Ghost and then back at me.
"You shouldn't put yourself down." Soap catches my attention again.
What?
"You're great, too." Soap places a hand on my cheek before taking his leave.
That was...sweet.
He took that better than I thought he would.
"What happened?"
Shit. I forgot about Ghost.
"Nothing," I say far too suspiciously.
I'm a terrible liar.
Ghost's eyes tell me he's calling bullshit.
"He just came to talk about the bar thing. It's not important," I sigh heavily.
"You mean the kiss?" Ghost says coldly.
What the hell is his problem?
"Yeah, the kiss. Is there an issue here?" I snark at him.
He crosses his arm tightly across his chest.
"What did he say?" He demands an answer.
"Why do you care?" I retort, scoffing.
"What. Did. He. Say?" Ghost raises his voice, repeating himself.
"Why. Do. You. Care?" I do the same thing.
I'm getting annoyed.
"I don't." He uncrosses his arms, looking unsettled.
"Okay, good. Then stop asking," I hiss.
We stand there staring daggers at each other. He's so annoying sometimes I swear.
"We leave tomorrow," Ghost tells me.
"Yeah, I know."
"You're being...different," he says quietly.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
"Different?" I sketch a brow.
"Yes, different," he says curtly.
"What do you want from me?" I cross my arms, wishing I could close in on myself and hide.
"I don't want anything from you," he snarls.
"Clearly you do. Just say whatever it is you need to say," I deadpan.
His eyes are distant. I haven't seen them that distant in a while.
"Did I do something wrong?" His tone softens, not by much, but enough that I can tell.
"What?" I'm taken aback.
"The other night. Did I do something to upset you?"
"No." I shake my head softly.
"Why are being distant with me?"
Shit, he's catching on.
"I'm not." I shake my head.
"You are," he says confidently and won't let me convince him otherwise.
"Well, maybe I need some alone time," I blurt out.
Ghost looks unconvinced.
I can't get anything past him.
"Look, what we did...what we've been doing, we should stop," I sigh.
He stands there silently.
"It's not a good idea. We're not good for each other," I reluctantly tell him this because although I know we should stop, a part of me doesn't want to.
"Who said anything about us being together?" He scoffs like he just heard the most baffling thing ever.
"I'm sorry?" I ask offended.
"Just because I made you come doesn't make me your boyfriend," Ghost says coldly.
His words snap something in me but at the moment I can only look at him with disdain.
I mean I planned to distance myself from him anyway but I didn't know he felt distant already.
I'm distancing because I notice feelings are growing and I want to stop it before it's too late.
Does this mean he's never had any feelings for me at all?
"You're fucking-" I stop myself and take a deep breath. "So what has this been? You've just been using me to get your rocks off?"
"Pretty much," he deadpans, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.
His carefree attitude sends me over the edge.
I'm fuming. My blood is boiling. Tears start filling in my eyes.
"Get out," I growl as I uncross my arms and squeeze my hands into fists.
He continues to stand there. The man is made of stone.
I storm up to Ghost and shove him, which does absolutely nothing. He doesn't move an inch.
"I said get out!" I yell.
Ghost tenses, looking at me in disbelief.
Tears are streaming down my face.
Ghost silently takes his leave, slamming my door on the way out.
What the fuck was that?
I lean up against the wall and slide down to the ground, still crying.
Why am I so upset right now?
I don't like him...I-I don't. I don't want him. It wouldn't work out anyway.
Any feelings I believed I had were just my mind being jumbled and confused.
This is probably for the best.
- TIME SKIP -
I spend the rest of the day confined to my quarters.
My encounter with Ghost earlier ruined my day.
I feel sick; and tired.
Great.
This is just what I needed before the mission.
Ghost hasn't come back to my room.
7:30 PM
It's getting late.
Should I say something to him?
No, why would I? It's not a good idea
Again, this is probably for the best.