Gentle Kiss of Tragedy

Prologue

Everyone wants things that are hard to get— short people want to be tall, poor people dream of wealth, slow people hope to be fast, and small people wish to be big. It's like a big picture of what everyone wishes for in life.

But for me, things are easy. It's like everything is given to me without any effort. Fame? I have it. Intelligence? I possess it. Beauty? I have it, too. Money? We're not super rich, but money hasn't been a problem for me. Boys? They are the easiest to obtain. I have what others wish they had. But strangely, having all these good things is why some people don't like me or feel jealous. It's like the good stuff I have makes a few people not like me. Life's funny that way.

"Yes, I slept with Meredith."

Tangina, iyon lang.

Walang buhay ko siyang tinitigan. Naabutan ko pa talaga silang dalawa ng babae niya na hubo't-hubad sa condo niya nang natutulog. Umagang-umaga, sira na agad ang araw ko. Ang malala pa ay blockmate ko si Meredith.

I stared at him blandly, waiting for him to talk more.

"Pero isang beses lang 'yun," depensa niya sa sarili. "Hindi na mauulit. Pangako." he tried to reach for my hand but I shoved it away, disgusted.

"Bakit isang beses lang?"

"Huh?" naguguluhan niyang tanong.

"Pwede niyo namang ulit-ulitin. Wala naman akong pake. Tapos na rin naman na tayo." Nginitian ko siya nang peke bago siya tinalikuran.

Akmang lalabas na sana ako nang hawakan niya ang palapulsuhan ko.

"Get off me!" bulyaw ko nang harapin siya.

"Ganoon nalang yun?" he looked confused. "Aalis ka nalang?"

I scoffed. "Bakit? Ano bang inaasahan mong gagawin ko, Reed?"

Nagsalubong ang kilay niya at di mapaliwanag ang ekspresyon sa mukha. He was lost for words.

"Hindi mo man lang ako susumbatan? Hindi ka man lang magtatanong bakit ko yun nagawa sayo? Hindi ka man lang magagalit?" inis na tanong niya. "Bakit parang wala lang sayo?" kunot-noo niyang sinabi.

"Bakit ko naman gagawin 'yun?" ani ko sa sarkastikong tunog. "Oh sige." I crossed my arms. "Bakit mo nagawa sakin' yun?" I asked, uninterested.

He sighed. "Napaka-arte," panimula niya. "Ni sex 'di mo kayang ibigay. Tangina, nag-jowa pa ako para saan?"

That gets me everytime. But this one's different. Dati wala naman akong pake sa sasabihin ng mga naging lalaki ko kapag nagsawa na sila sa akin. I would leave them smirking and happy. But this one, I don't know.

"Correction, hindi na tayo mag-jowa," I rolled my eyes at him.

It still hurts me and my pride as a woman. Aaminin kong may pagkukulang ako. Pero ganoon lang ba talaga ang tingin nila sa akin? Ang role ba ng girlfriend ay maging sex object? Nasasaktan pa rin naman ako kahit ipakita at sabihin kong wala akong pake. Masama bang protektahan ko ang sarili ko?

"Sex na nga lang hinihingi ko. It was bare minimum and you can't even fulfill it!"

I thought he was different. I think I really liked him. I thought he was different at first. At thought he was that 'good boy' type of guy. Akala ko 'di lang ganoon ang habol niya. Tangina, wala pang dalawang araw, nanghingi na agad ng ka-putanginahan.

Boys. They're easy to get. Hindi ko na kailangang hanapin pa sila. Hindi ko na kailangan paghirapan pa sila dahil sila na mismo ang lumalapit saakin.

Pang-ilan na ba si Reed? I even lost count of all the boys who dated me but ended up leaving because of me being a 'conservative'. Or that's what they label me. Ang hirap ko raw kasi paamuin. Nafufulfill ko naman yung role ko as a girlfriend. Yun nga lang, I have boundaries too.