Her guardian angel (Kylo Ren fanfic)

Chapter five: nightmares

~Kylo's pov~

As we stand in front of the doors leading to Snokes throne room I come to a halt.
I peer down at her and scan her aura while glancing down her body.
the blue dress she's wearing isn't tight on her but it hugs her curves nicely.
I can see the outline of her hips and...
I catch her eyes looking right at me.
I clear my throat as I feel like a child that just got caught and look straight ahead.
I can feel how tense she is, she's scared.
And if I'm honest with myself, I am too.
I can't always predict how Snoke will react.
I nod without looking towards her and open the door in front of us.

We both walk in.
I take confident steps while she tiptoes behind me trying to make the least amount of noise she possibly can.
I can see her glance around the room in confusion and her eyes darting to the empty throne before Snoke suddenly appears on it.
She takes in his big daunting figure, his sunken in eyes and jaws, his wrinkled, almost rotten, grey skin.
I can sense her take a small step back before she changes her mind on that and steps closer to me.
I can sense her unease while I try to keep my mind stable.

"Kylo Ren" Snoke speaks up, interrupting the silence.
"Is this... the girl?"
He looks down at her and leans forward in his throne.
"Yes supreme leader, this is Mirta Gev."
I say before Snoke speaks again.
"Mirta Gev! The granddaughter of Boba Fett!
I see you made a gritty choice."
Snoke says while laughing at us in his low voice.
I look down at her and raise an eyebrow in confusion, luckily I have my helmet on to hide my expression.
But I can see her expression clearly, she looks determined.
"Yes sir." She says while looking up straight at him.
I can still sense her fear but it's like she knows how to hide it.
"Well well. This will be interesting.
Will you agree to Kylo Ren training you to become a Knight of Ren alongside him?"
Snoke asks her.
Without hesitation she replies "Yes sir."
and I can feel myself let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding until now.
"I will see you again when it comes time to show me what you have taught her Kylo Ren."
Snoke says before disappearing again.
I waste no time before turning on my heel and walking out of the room with Mirta right behind me.

*later that day in the training room*
~Mirta's pov~

Kylo is preparing some stuff in the middle of the room that looks like tall wooden fence posts.
He's wearing sweatpants and a shortsleeved t-shirt, exposing his arms.
I let my eyes scan down him.
The shirt is tight enough to be able to see his chest muscles pressed against it.
With every post he moves I can see the muscles flex in his arms and back.
He looks like he trains daily and must have been doing so for years.
Meanwhile I'm wearing black tight leggings with a belt and a sand coloured tank top that I tucked in. I put my hair in a messy low bun so it would be out of my face.
Kylo turns back around when the door opens.
Six tall figures walk in fully dressed in their black, knight attire like what Kylo usually wears.
Kylo walks towards them and they stop not too far from where I'm standing.
Suddenly Kylo speaks up.
"These are the knights of Ren, Vicrul, Cardo, Ushar, Trudgen, Kuruk and Ap'lek"
He says while pointing at each one of them.
They all give me a nod while they keep looking in my direction.
"And this... Is Mirta" Kylo says while stretching his arm out towards me.
He keeps his gaze on me with an expression I can't quite read.
"The knights of Ren and I will be training today and in the meantime I want you to run laps around the room."
I blink surprised "I thought you would be training me? I ran laps in the dessert every day on Tatooine to stay in shape so I think I'm all good on that."
"You will do as I say!" Kylo says in a stern tone while slightly raising his voice.
This makes me take a step back, not knowing where this sudden hostility is coming from.
Against all odds Kylo was gentle and kind towards me but that seems to have changed.
"Mirta, start running laps and don't stop until I tell you to."
Without questioning him further to not piss him off I start running laps.
I watch them as they all ignite their lightsabers and spar with eachother and the tall wooden posts.
All I can hear is the men grunting and the electrical buzzing of the lightsabers hitting eachother.
Suddenly I see out of the corner of my eye how one of the knights picks up a solid wooden box from the middle of the room with the force and throws it in my direction.
Without thinking I lift my arm and catch it in the air with the force while squinting my eyes closed and ducking down.
I hear Kylo scream "Vicrul!" as I open my eyes and I see the box floating a few feet away from me.
I gently put it down and straighten myself back up, looking around the room.
Suddenly I see Vicrul in the air grabbing his throat. He's unable to breathe as if someone is holding him in an invisible chokehold.
I look past him and see Kylo stretching his arm towards him, curling his fingers.
His eyes are set on the man floating in the air and I can see the disgust and hatred in them.
Not even a second later he lets the man go as he comes down crashing to the floor.
Kylo's expression becomes emotionless again as he says "Training is done for today, all of you can go."
All six men walk out of the room without another word.
He starts walking towards me with a cold expression and I feel fear bubble inside me.
Determined to not let him know how I feel
I speak up, sounding more confident than I actually feel.
"I can defend myself, you know?"
He stops and his eyes widen.
I can feel the tention build up as I regret what I just said.
"Is that so? Let's see then"
He spits out at me and his face turns dark once again.
He moves his arms in the air and before I can shake the confusion I see multiple things fly my way.
I quickly do the same and try to catch everything he throws at me and throw it to the side. First it's a wooden post, then some weights, a wooden box, a small table,....
My breathing quickens as I look around me worried. I feel tears stinging in the corners of my eyes as they scan the room frantically.
Suddenly my fearful eyes catch Kylo's and immediately he stops.
Avoiding the last few objects making their way towards me I stand up straight and find an expression of pain and guilt on his face.
I take a few steps towards him but then he shuts me out again and says in a cold tone
"I will send a stormtrooper to come bring you to your room."
and without another word he walks off and out of the room.

*a while later back at the bedroom*

It is almost nighttime now and still no sign of Kylo.
I start thinking about just going to sleep already and not waiting for him to return when I see the door open and he steps in.
Immediately I can tell he is breathing quite heavily and there is a burnt smell coming off of him.
I raise an eyebrow but before I can even ask he disappears into the bathroom.
A few minutes pas by before he comes back out wearing the clothes he usually sleeps in.
I'm in my red nightgown again and already tucked under the covers.
My mind has been going crazy today as I can't stop thinking about what Snoke said.
He mentioned my grandfather, Boba Fett.
It makes me think about my family.
My mom, my dad,...
Thoughts have been flashing through my head the whole afternoon while I was alone.
No matter how much it pains me to say it, I have never really been alone.
I always wished I would be but my dad was always there and when he wasn't I was in the town surrounded by people.
I always thought I would love being alone, it was all I wished for, but actually being left in this room by myself for hours made me feel like the air was being squished out of my lungs.
I see Kylo lay down in his foldable bed and turn of the lights without another word.
My heart clenches as he didn't say goodnight like the day before but then I'm reminded that I didn't even say it back. It's my own fault, I think to myself.
I close my eyes and the feeling of sadness slowly disappears when I fall into a deep sleep.

~Kylo's pov~

I can sense the hurt I cause her from not saying goodnight but I cannot bring myself to do it.
While she falls asleep I can roam her mind freely without worrying that she will catch onto what I'm doing.
I sense how she's confused with my behaviour towards her today, she thinks it's all her fault.
There is a tiny part of her that is scared of me and the thought of that makes my heart clench.
I close my eyes and sigh.
I don't want to scare her, or hurt her, but I cannot let her come close to me. I cannot let my walls down around her when I have fought so hard to build them in the first place, and for a very good reason.
She radiates light, but I cannot be tempted with the light side.
If supreme leader Snoke would sense the way I'm drawn to it, to her, he would kill her in a heartbeat.
I close my eyes harder and try to force myself to go to sleep but before I do I hear Mirta groan lightly and stir in the bed.
She keeps stirring and her moans grow louder.
I can tell she's having a nightmare, her aura is full of pain.
I slowly stand up and walk towards her sleeping figure.
I sit on the edge of the bed and bring my palm to her face.
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and brush my thumb on her cheek, not knowing what else I can do.
She starts tossing and turning more and her moans almost turn into cries.
I can see her suffering and being tortured by her unconscious mind.
She is dreaming about her father, her family, she feels alone.
Without thinking I go to sit in the bed next to her, sitting up against the headboard and reach over to her.
I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to my chest.
She's in my lap now and I have my arms around her back and shoulders.
I hug her and I feel tears forming in my eyes from feeling her body this close to mine.
I cannot even remember the last time I held someone and it warms my heart knowing it's her.
I can feel her calming down and I can't help but look into her mind with the force.
I see... me.
She's imagining me, standing in front of her, she reaches out to me and I step closer to her pulling her into an embrace.
She squeezes me tight, as if she has also needed this for a long time and then I feel her grab onto my shirt.
I leave her mind and find her indeed holding onto my shirt as if she's scared I'll let go of her.
I squeeze her a little tighter and feel her relax in my arms before I drift off to sleep.

*the next morning*

I wake up and feel something pushing down on my chest. I open my eyes and look down only to realise what had happened last night.
I find Mirta still sleeping peacefully in my arms and I can't help but smile.
Sadness creeps onto my face as I realise I can't let her see us like this.
Carefully I put her down on the bed next to me and wrap the blankets around her.
I get up and start getting ready for the day.
No matter how badly I want to stay and guard her until she wakes up, I can't.
I cannot let these feelings take over me, I can't let her or myself get hurt.
The last time I loved someone was my mother, father and uncle and look what happened.
Everyone I loved abandoned me.
I sigh and start walking out the room.
I wish so badly I could just talk to her and hold her in my arms. I love the way I feel when I'm around her.
But I push those thoughts aside and stride out the door, preparing myself for another day as the leader of the first order.