twenty-six :)

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Smile - Avril Lavigne

!trigger warning!
mentions of drug abuse

We pulled up outside his house and he wiped his palms on his jeans. He was nervous, but I was unsure why. He's met my hell of a family, why was he so afraid for me to meet his?

"So, I'm going to give you a little run down. My dad and his wife lives here. My older sister is due home any day now from college, so she might pop in. My younger step sister is thirteen and get attached to people really easily, literally cried when Tommy and Toby left. My older step brother is just a year older than me but he canner rude as shit." He briefed quickly, glancing to the front door. "Don't bring up my mom, I'll explain it when I'm not absolutely petrified for this interaction as it is, just don't bring her up. Uh, yeah that's basically it."

"Carter, breathe. It's gonna be fine, even if some rude things are said. Asher is still getting used to you, it's okay. I promise, I won't push nor prod nor be offended. You're fine." I said gently, grabbing one of his hands and squeezing it gently.

"Okay, let's go then." He said, taking a deep breath and turning off the car. I got out and walked around the car, wrapping my arms around his waist to help calm him down. We got interrupted when someone walked outside.

"You must be Asterin, the girl we've heard so much about but have never met." A tall man said, a smile gracing his features. He was literally a giant, how the hell was I supposed to be fearless with giants toppling over me all the damn time. Curses of being so fucking short.

"Well, I see where Xavier gets his height from. But yes, hello, I'm Asterin. It's very lovely to meet you, sir." I said, extending a hand to shake his. He shook my hand and smiled at me before looking at Ranboo.

"You picked a good one, I see why you've been hiding her." I assume his dad commented.

"This is my dad, Asterin." He said in a soft tone. I nodded and smiled up at the man who was now confirmed his dad. "Let's go inside."

I followed the man inside with Ranboo by my side. When we got inside, all hell broke loose. His little sister, whose name I found out was Sophie, was all over me. His step brother, name is Ezra and I already kinda hate him, glared at me with every step I took.

"Dad, we're gonna go hang out in my room." Ranboo said, eyeing Ezra before glancing back at his dad with a smile. We walked upstairs and to his room.

Polaroids of Ranboo with Tommy , Tubbo, Wilbur, me, his family, and irl friends hung around the room alongside band posters. His bed was a full sized bed with black sheets and black and white blankets. He had black pillows with the exception of one bright pink pillow accompanied with a Minecraft pig plush and a pink blanket that matched the pillow.

"Sophie slept in here a few nights ago because she had a nightmare. I guess she stayed in here last night too." Ranboo explained with a small smile. It was safe to assume he had a soft spot for her. We sat down on the bed and he turned on the tv, It pulling up Disney Plus automatically.

"Oh my god! Can we binge the Descendants movies?!" I asked, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt with a wide smile.

"Sure." He laughed softly. We both got more comfortable on the bed, my head laying on his chest with our legs intertwined, as the movie loaded. He reached across the bed to turn off his light and the room was plunged into darkness, excluding the small amount of light streaming through the curtains.

"You make me feel the way Ben makes Mal feel." I whisper against his chest, feeling the rise and fall, listening to the thump thump thump of his heart.

"How's that?" He asked, his hands keeping a constant pace through my hair.

"You make me feel like, maybe I never really was evil." I whispered, trying to keep from looking at him.

"Why do you feel like you were?"

"I used to do bad stuff, Xavier. I was addicted to drugs, alcohol, nicotine, doing illegal driving from three to five in the morning just because I could. Anything and everything I could do to block out the pain of my uncle being gone, my mom being batshit crazy, my dad leaving us, I did. My uncle caught me one night, getting high in my room when he was a surprising me. He pulled me out of it, but you." I said, finally looking up at him and praying the tears in my eyes weren't obvious. "You made me feel alive again, Xavier. Yeah, I live on the edge, but it's not because I need to anymore. It's because life is short, I know that and I can't waste a second. I may be reckless, but I don't put myself in danger. You give me enough of an adrenaline rush to last a week and the truth is; I don't want the sappy love story Izzy and Tommy had, I want adventure and memories I get to relive everyday. If that's laying in bed watching Descendants with you all day or running from the police because of a tip Tok trend, then it doesn't matter. Because I want you and you make me feel so much more alive than drugs ever could."

It's so much more than the truth though to me. I don't need to be in a car to have adrenaline or feel happy. When I'm with him I can feel every fucking emotion, even emotions I didn't even know I could feel.

I don't have to be working on a car to be myself, to prove that I'm a worthy woman, he shows me that I am.

I don't have to be sad, because if we aren't playing Minecraft and I am, he loads up Minecraft, and sits a flower next to my bed.

It feels like I'm fucking floating. I've never felt more free. The fucking feeling of freedom I have is much bigger than blasting music in the car with all of the windows down.

It's so fucking thrilling and it's so strong.

And it's with him.

"I didn't know that about you." He whispered, looking at me with a small smile. His emotions were unreadable and it freaked me out. It freaked me the fuck out.

"If you don't-"

"Shut up and kiss me stupid." He laughed, already knowing what I was going to say. I moved up and pressed my lips to his. I smiled through the kiss, it was soft and innocent and sweet and healing. "I'm proud of you, thank you for telling me that."

"Oh my god! This is my favorite part!" I yelled, singing the song that came from the part and switching topics so damn quickly it made my brain hurt but my heart smile.

I just wish I knew then what I know now.

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