Picture: Tatiana on board the Standart in 1914.
SEPTEMBER 1914.
I sat painting inside our learning room. I had come back from a very long day of conversing with soldiers and this was how I chose to spend my break. Valentina was in the room too, she drank some water. She knew exactly what she was doing as she spent her break doing essentials like drinking water, going to the toilet and other things. I had trouble starting conversations but I made a few friends with the soldiers, they usually introduce me to others. Mila sat quietly near me, working on a knitting project we could donate to charity. I have been very cold towards Mila, but I was yearning of Malcolm's whereabouts as I had not seen him. "Is your wedding still in October?" I asked her out of the blue. Mila was caught off guard at my question. "Yes, that is the plan. Malcolm has ever so bravely gone to the war front to fight, he is such a hero but always makes me worried. But he told me he would come back for a few days so we could get married then! He simply said he could not wait anymore."I swallowed a lump of bitterness and dislike for the situation down my throat, i told her, "How nice." Then I continued to paint, this was all gifted to me by Cian. Which came from one of his uncles which that uncle gave to another uncle who gave it to Cian. Confusing? Haha... well his grandfathers last wife was his first cousin.. haha... hahah. I was painting Heinrich this time, I had a photograph of the crazy boy in my hand. It gave me unusual odd chills when I thought of my old life and how I realised that I have forgotten many things. Even if I do eventually forget everything of the modern world, Natasha gave me photos so I could remember my old life before this and where I came from. I made a huge mental note to show the picture to Olga, Ci and Cao, Vanya and Zan.
I noticed Maria walked in, i completely ignored her presence as I was still mad she wrote love letters to Prince Edward in my name. Also she sent him a photograph of my picture, that made me shiver in disgust thinking a stranger was keeping it at his bedside table. Maria walked over and sat next to me, I hid the photograph from her sight but continued to paint. "Your paintings are always so beautiful and so very unique." She commented. I ignored her, just out of hatred. What? Family thing. I kept my eyes on the portrait.
"Oh please forgive me my darling sister! I rally never did mean to harm you! I just... thought it would help out!" Maria confined. I wanted to punch her in the face. How did she think this would help out? What in world made her think that I would give her a smile and hug in gratitude from this? I just remained silent. I wanted to yell, burst my anger out at her, but I didn't because I was a grand duchess. And grand duchesses don't yell, they are graceful. I let out my annoyance, frustration, anger, and annoyance through a long heavy sigh.
I stood up, taking the smock off of me. I began cleaning up, talking to Valentina while Maria followed me around the room begging for forgiveness. Vanya gave her a weird look and left. She was pleading and constantly begging that she was sorry until Baroness Sophie, Mama's lady in waiting opened the door and entered graciously and monotonously said, "The Tsarina of All of Russia Alexandra Feodorovna requests the presence of Grand Duchess Astrid." I whipped the rest off the paint off my hands and left the room, following Baroness Sophie, she was very monotone and quite creepy if I was being honest.
She lead me to the closed doors of Mama's tea room. She knocked and once we heard a "Come in!" The baroness opened the door to reveal, Cian side eyeing death glaring someone, Zander sitting on a couch next to Cian who was also sitting down, he looked angry. There was Anna, Mama and.. Rasputin. "His magic voodoo shit doesn't work!" Zander yelled. "Just watch his magic Zander, please." Mama pleaded. My head started to spin, and my heart began racing and I felt the room close in on me. "Astya come, Greet Father Grigori!" Mama ordered as I snapped out of my deep train wreck of thoughts. I walked closer to Mama, i noticed that Rasputin had his piercing blue eyes already on me. I wanted to yell and bowed respectfully. "Father Grigori." I said through clenched teeth angry. "Ah, Astrid Nikolaevna! It has been some time since I had the pleasure of encountering you and Cian and Caoimhe." He smiled. "Shut up." Cian grumbled. I could see straight through his disguise, from the last time I saw him, he did not change much. He had longer facial and he looked a little aged.
The door opened, and then shut with Caoimhe coming in. She sat next to Cian. I felt my anger boil. Rasputin was the one that wanted to hurt me, to kill me, he caused so much misery and stress for this family. "Indeed it has been! Now sit down Astya." Mama answered for me, I sat down next to her on a coach, Anna and Rasputin was on a coach beside us and Cian, Zander and Caoimhe was on a couch across from me and Mama. "Tell me my divine, how have you been since we last saw each other?" He inquired. "Happy, umm." I muttered the last part underneath my breath. "Oh Astya! Be more direct! Aren't you happy that you get to see your wonderful friend again? Your Grandmama has been terrible, making up stories about him and what not. She must have gotten the idea from the public!" Mama frowned.
"You don't have to be afraid Astya, Father Grigori is a healer with connections to our lord and our saviour, he would not wish for anything bad to come upon us." Anna said as she sipped her tea. "Hurry up with the voodoo shit." Zander mumbled. The room fell silent once more. "Mama, why am I here?" I whispered to her but I think the whole room heard it. Mama looked at me and sighed. "I talked with Father Grigori about your issues and he has agreed to help." Mama exclaimed. "What help.?" I shivered, I looked at Cian who was staring at me, wide-eyed.
"When I was growing up, I did not have the opportunities you have now! With the help of the lovely Father Grigori, you can conquer all of your fears about meeting new people! He can finally cure you of your damage." I knew instantly she was referring to my 'schizophrenia'. "I shall cure you of your fear of speaking." He said as he stood up from his chair, Cian gave him a dirty look and backed further into the couch. He kneeled in front of me and lent out his cold, icy, leathery hands and placed them on top of mine. It was weird. He closed his icy blue eyes and muttered a prayer, he opened his eyes, taking his pointer finger and moving it around in a circle in front of me. "Let your eyes follow the finger, Astrid Nikolaevna."
I did not have much of an option so I did as I was told. My blue eyes following his finger, he suddenly snapped his fingers and said, "Try to remember a time before the accident." I shut my eyes and thought, I thought so hard but nothing was coming to me. I was ready to give up when something came to me.
***
"Astrid Nikolaevna! You will never be able to catch me!" 6 year old Anastasia giggled. "Well that is what you think little sister!" I exclaimed, running after her. We seemed to be playing hide and seek tag, which basically is you hide and when you are found you can run but if they tag you you're out. "Astrid! Anastasia!" A voice called out, I turned to see mama calling us. I stopped and turned away from my sister, running up to Mama with Nastya behind me. Next to Mama stood an unknown man. "Astrid, this is Mr. Sydney Gibbes, he will be your English tutor." Back then I just moved in with Mama and Papa and my sisters, I was very excited yet very sad. I lived with my Aunt Ella and Uncle Sergei for very long until his death, after his death I was moved to live with my family. I was just slowly adjusting to the new life."Hello Mr. Gibbes!" Anastasia shout-exclaimed. "Hello Anastasia." The man smiled, adoring the little girls excitement. I, on the other hand, was not very impressed. "Mama, why must I have an English Tutor when I already speak English? When I lived with Auntie, I did not have an English tutor." I questioned. "Astrid, where on earth are your manners?" Mama scolded me. "I am very sorry for my bad behaviour." I apologised and curtsied in embarrassment. "I look forward for English tutoring." I politely said. The man gave me a lopsided smile as Mama walked leading him back inside.
I looked up to Shura, a lady in waiting of Anastasia's that was watching us. "Shura! What did I say wrong? Will Mama send me back to live with Auntie Ella anytime soon?" I cried out, Little Anastasia watched with confusion. Shura took me into her arms, "Of course not darling. Your Mama loves you very much!" She stroked my hair and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry my Маленькая звезда! You are loved as much as your sisters are, now go play with Anastasie." I did as I was told and went to the confused Anastasia. She smile at me.
"You already met Mr. Gibbes?" I asked her. She nodded. "Yeah! I have! He's been tutoring us for some time now." Anastasia said. "Now let's continue to play!" Anastasia insisted. I tapped her. "Your it!" I grinned. She frowned. "Astya!" She yelled and began chasing me as I ran through the grass again with little Anastasie chasing me. Reaching out her hand for me.
***
I was in a frozen sweat, everyone had their gazes on me, Zander was looking carefully at me. Rasputin even had his icy eyes on me. I gasped slightly. "I.. I remembered." I muttered. Zander went flying towards the floor, Caoimhe laughed at him for it. Cian pulled him up. Everyone else was shocked at me remembering. I was still trying to process my shock, I looked to Mama. She was holding onto the couch for balance and had one hand onto her chest. Her eyes were wide open and I could really tell what she was thinking. I took a quick glance at Zander who's nose had started bleeding from the impact of the fall and now had a tissue catching the blood. I looked back to my Mama, my Mama thought the impossible became possible all because of Rasputin, when all that guy does is cause suffering and pain to us. But he had preformed another miracle in front of her eyes that she was NOT going to forget. 'Curing' a small part of her second ill child.
"Alright, nice voodoo magic. I'm going to go and let my nose bleed somewhere that is not white.. basically everywhere." Zander got up. He excused himself and walked out of the tea room leaving a little trail of blood. Cian and Caoimhe excused themselves and followed after him, stepping past the blood trail like they were following it like actual idiots. I really wanted to leave at that point but I just couldn't move at all.