miracle | tayley

well, we must get more acquainted

     Hayley sits in the cozy, rocking chair in Rowan's room, her feet propped up on the matching footstool. The room is small but stylishly decorated in shades of lilac, sage, and cream. There's a window overlooking the street, and a soft glow emanates from the streetlamps below. Hayley pushes against the footstool gently with her feet, maintaining a slow, steady rocking motion.

     Rowan is resting against her chest, feet on either side of Hayley's hips, drifting in and out of sleep, not fully ready to succumb to slumber just yet. Hayley doesn't mind though, she always savors this time of day, but tonight especially, she needs the contact with her daughter. Rowan's weight is warm and reassuring against her, and she rubs her hand up and down her daughter's back, providing comfort to them both.

      A tiny hand drifts sleepily toward her mouth, and Hayley intercepts it gently, kissing her pudgy pink fingers before tucking her arm against her side, carefully. She's been trying to break her daughter's habit of sucking her thumb in her sleep, but it's been a slow process.

      Rowan shifts against her chest, rubbing her nose tiredly against the soft cotton of Hayley's t-shirt before settling down once again. Hayley presses her lips against Rowan's hair, softly, and hums into her silky, chestnut curls.

     Brian had left a little while ago, having stayed just long enough to convince herself that Hayley was in fact okay. Hayley had filled her friend in briefly when she got home about her run-in with Taylor, unwilling to go into much detail, mainly because it was much easier to keep herself together when she wasn't talking about it. Now though, in the safety of her quiet apartment, with only Rowan for company, she reflects on the events of the day.

     Seeing Taylor had been a shock, to say the least. She'd obviously been rattled by his sudden appearance at the locally owned coffee shop. Of all the ways she'd imagined seeing him again, the idea of him just showing up at her favorite coffee spot one morning had not even been on her radar. She fully understands why he felt like he had to come find her right away, though, given the information he'd shared with her today.

     She can't believe he hadn't known. All these years she'd been so hurt and angry with him, and he'd had no idea. He hadn't abandoned her and Rowan at all... It was actually she who'd left him.

     That's a hard pill for her to swallow. 

     In order to get herself together after their impromptu meeting, she'd needed an emergency session with Cindy, who had skipped lunch in order to squeeze her in at the last minute. Her therapist had apparently recognized the panic in her voice as well as the rarity of the situation. Hayley did not tend toward the dramatic, and Cindy was well aware of that fact. 

      She had arrived at the office and immediately word-vomited the entire scene with Taylor at the coffee shop to her very attentive therapist, and she thinks even Cindy had been shocked by his sudden reappearance in her life and the somewhat extraordinary circumstances in which she now finds herself.

      It had taken her therapist several moments to gather her thoughts before replying. Cindy had reminded her that both she and Taylor had been operating under the influence of false information, and that blame at this point really doesn't serve a purpose and will only get in the way of making things right for Rowan. She also reminded her that it's okay for her to feel however she feels.

      Hayley sometimes needs the reminder that her feelings are valid whether they are completely rational or not.

     She's having a hard time now, blaming herself for not seeing the truth sooner.  She knows there's no way she could have, and yet she feels like she should have.  Cindy encouraged her not to dwell on her feelings of guilt, but to accept them for what they are, and to try to be kind and forgiving to herself going forward.