Brightwin- Between Us

IV.The Truth

Being trapped is something I never took so well. I guess nobody does. It makes you feel small and helpless. But when you are trapped by the mighty arms of Win Metawin on either sides of your face, I guess you forget that you were even trapped to begin with. Looking at him so up close, you can do nothing but admire his charismatic face.

His face which so soft, so gentle, so sweet and so fucking beautiful. His eyes, a deep shade of black when you look it, but under light, it gleams and appears a rich shade of brown. The mole on the side of his face, the scar on his left eyebrow do nothing but enhance his beauty. His soft yet firm voice distracts me from his face and to the situation in hand.

'Now, will you tell me what happened? Please Bright, I am trying here, please tell me if I did anything wrong, so I can correct it', he says urgently, his hands coming down to cup my face to make me look at him.

If it would have been any other time or situation, I would have not hesistated even a bit before venting out every thing in my crammed up mind. But now, looking at his face, I see him with nothing but betrayal in my eyes. Even though he has done nothing wrong but still it feels like it. It feels as if he has taken everything from me, taken away a piece of my heart and gave nothing back.

I try to jerk out of his hold but he is stronger than me. He removes his hands from my face and my erratic breathing smoothen a bit. 'You can't do anything about it. Its on me. You have done nothing. Just leave me alone and I'll be fine. I have to be'. I say in a voice that is not even convincing to me. I don't know who am I kidding. Recovering from this would not be something I would be able to do, ever.

'No, please tell me. I want to understand. I'll try my best. Just let me in, please'. He again tries looking at me so earnestly that for a moment I consider telling him everything but at the same time this thought scares me. There will be only two outcomes of me telling him. Me telling him and getting laughed at on my face and walking away with a broken heart and second losing him as a friend too. I will end up losing him which my fragile heart can't stomach.

'Please Win, just let me go'. I say in small voice that I don't think is even audible to him as he squints and leans in further into my face.

It would be so easy. I would have to move just an inch further and our lips would be touching. I wonder what it would feel like. I have thought about this million times before and every time I do, I always end up with one word in my mind to describe the feeling which is heaven. I bet, it would feel like heaven.

As I am lost in my thoughts, his hand comes up at my chin and move my face towards him. This action causes our faces to move even closer. I am so close to him yet so far away. He is within my reach, if I move my hand, I can touch him, feel him, hold him. But only, he isn't mine to hold, love or cherish. He is millimeters away from me physically but his heart is miles away from me, locked and the key to it has already been branded by someone else.

The thought of him being someone else's sends pang of pain through my chest. My hand involuntarily moves towards my chest as if rubbing it would soothe the ache.

Breathing was hard. Breathing felt hard. Really hard. Such a trivial action we do everyday, every hour, every minute, every second yet it proves to be so challenging to me right now.

'Hey, hey, hey, relax. Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath with me. You are fine, everything is fine. Focus only on me.' His persuasive voice cuts through my state of panic. He takes deep breaths with me. He takes hold of hands and rubs my palm. And just like that, my breathing worsens.

While he is still busy rubbing my palm with his velvety hand, I push him away from me. He must have gotten caught off guard because one second he rubbing my hand and next he go flying backwards. He catches himself on time and turns sharply towards me.

He looks hurt by actions but masks it so quickly, that I might have imagined it. I bend my knees and keep my arms on them as I try to catch my breath. I need to get a grip on myself or I will end up doing something I would terribly regret in future.

'Hey, you okay? Does this happen often? Or is it the first time?' He asks worriedly as he slowly and cautiously moves towards me with his hands in positioned in front of him as if assuring me that he won't touch me or do anything he is not allowed to.

'Why do you care, huh? Why do you care so much?' I inquire angrily, in a voice so deadly that his eyes widens momentarily. He takes a visible step back while staring into my mirth filled eyes. I don't even bother hiding it. I feel too much right now and he is just making it worse.

He looks confused. So confused. Why wouldn't he? As much as he knows, he has done nothing wrong. And he hasn't. It was my own fault. He was the first man I put all my trust in. He strung my shattered pieces of my heart together with his sweet promises of forever only to strike me once again.

'What are you even saying? Of course, I care about you. Infact I care about you like I have never done for anyone else. I have never done anything to show you otherwise. Do you think I don't care about you?' He asks and the sheer look of hurt and insecurity on his face almost breaks me. I vowed to myself I would never do anything to hurt him and I have hurt him with my words alone so much today. I won't be able to forgive myself for it. 'Say something please'. His feeble voice utters tiredly. It is then that I realise he is waiting for me to say something.

'No, no. I am sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I am a mess right now. I don't know what I am saying'. I say apologetically and he relaxes a little. But he still stands there stoically. His jaw tensed and his eyes shining. I heave out a sigh and try once again. 'I am so so sorry, Win. I didn't mean anything really. You don't understand I-

'So make me understand. I am so fucking confused. I am trying. God knows I am trying. You used to share everything with me. Every little thing that used to bother you. So why are you not telling me what's the matter now? What did I do? Is it about me announcing my relationship? I swear my intention was not to hurt you. I would never-, I interrupt him before he can complete the sentence.

'No no. It's not about that. Listen, I can't tell you. Please don't make me. I just need some time and I'll be okay.' I say looking at him as he looks at me, defeated. His shoulders drop in disappointment but he nods at me in acknowledgement.

'I can give you all the time in the world. Just please tell me what happened? I can't see you like this. Please, just let me help you'. Win pleads as he watches me, his eyes enthralling me to spill my heart out.

'I don't need help'. I say in the most confidence voice I can muster but it betrays me by breaking in the end. He must realize it because he scoffs and shakes his head and looks at me pointedly as if to say 'look at yourself'. 'You can't do anything to help me anyways'. I say and turn away from him with my back to him.

'Why? Why can't I help you? Tell me.' His voice reaches me but I do not turn back. 'There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you. You just need to say it and I'll do it for you.' He promises.

'Don't say these things. Please. I beg you. I wish it was this easy but it's not. This time you cannot do anything.'

I can't see his expression but I know he is getting angsty. Win is a fixer. He can't help but provide logical solutions to problems that aren't even his own. It's his nature that just can't let him, not do anything. I know his patience is running thin and his deep yet controlled breathing confirms it. He is trying to control himself from lashing out but is not able to.

His hand latches onto my wrist and and roughly makes me face him. His soft, kind eyes now looks down at me with frustation, awaiting my response. He slightly pushes me and insists again. 'Tell me, huh. Why can't I help you?' He pushes me yet again. He is testing my patience and he knows it because he pushes me once again. 'Fucking tell me why can't I help you?' He screams out.

'Because, I am in love with you.'