Drowning in You

CHAPTER 1. Elsie

We all struggle with our own demons. They lurk in the backwater recesses of our minds. The place we pretend doesn't exist, hoping that perhaps it would make them disappear.

My demons smelled like chlorine and salt. And I was done pretending.

At least that's how I hyped myself up when I decided to do this.

Now, staring at the deep, wide body of water in front of me, I wasn't quite as determined. I thought that, after some time, I would stop seeing it as a death trap of despair instead of just a pool.

Nope. It was still a death trap. I was still in despair. But I could handle it. Right?

I took a step closer to the pool, leaving the comfort of the wall behind me. One step at a time, Elsie. Just one itty bitty step. Though to be fair, if I kept moving at this speed, maybe I would reach the pool by next year.

As if blessed by the Supreme Overlord of Cell Phones, mine started playing the familiar chorus of Anti-Hero. I took that chance to retreat and become a barnacle against the wall again.

Once my back was pressed safely against the wall and as far away from liquid hell as possible, I took my phone out of my pocket and smiled at the Caller ID.

"Hi mom."

"Hey Starfish, I wasn't sure I'd catch you awake," Mom said, the sound of shuffling and people speaking audible in the background.

"Yeah, I had some-" I started, and glanced quickly at the pool before swallowing, "-uh, some work to do."

"Are you working on the project for that internship? You have the best grades in your year, I don't think you need to worry."

"It's a fellowship, Mom. They only accept three people though," I muttered.

Not to mention the acceptance quota was the absolute least of my worries.

"I know, I know, but you'll be one of the three, just you watch! And the things you'll see after spending 3 months on the ocean..." Mom started excitedly and then stopped, letting out a soft sigh. "That was your father's favorite thing you know. The trips. Always missed him when he was gone but then when he came back, all the stories he would tell... You loved those stories."

The first few years, Mom never mentioned Dad. Now, she talked about him constantly. Even though I couldn't see her face, I could visualize that smile she always had talking about him. Full of love and joy... and unbearable sadness.

"You loved the stories too," I said and she chuckled.

"I did. He had a way of telling them that made it seem like he was doing some grand adventures instead of just studying marine life," she said. "But I can't wait to hear the stories you'll tell, Elsie. Your dad would be so proud of you."

My chest squeezed, eyes darting to the pool again.

"Yup, anyway, why are you up so early, Mom?" I asked, trying to change the topic.

"Oh! I'm going on a business trip for a few days and just wanted to try and catch you before my flight. I know it's been only a month since the school year started again but I miss you already."

"I miss you too, Mom."

There was a short silence before she spoke again. "Are you okay, sweetie? You don't sound like your usual self."

"I'm fine, just still a little sleepy," I lied and instantly felt horrible for it. Horrible for how much I'd lied to her about this for the past few years. Lied that I was better, when I wasn't. "You should get going, don't wanna be late."