Unbound

Chapter 37

I dropped my head into my hands and wove my fingers back through my hair. They were wet from the bathwater and tangled in my dry strands, leaving behind a trail of sweet-smelling lather. I needed to confront the roiling, ever-growing mass of emotions that had made itself a permanent residence between my lungs and my stomach. To take stock of everything that I was feeling. But I was afraid. I'd been putting it off because I knew the answer; I just didn't want to acknowledge it.

When I quieted my mind and loosened all the cords I had wrapped around this thing inside of me, the truth came through simple and clear: I was falling in love with Gabriel. The things he made me feel—passion, fire, desperation, safety—were all things I'd heard about but had never experienced in the easy comfort of my relationship with Jack. Things I never thought I could experience.

Aubrey had once described it as lightning: fast and sharp and out of nowhere. I now understood what she meant. But even in the privacy of my own head, I couldn't say the word. Not after a lifetime of believing that it could never belong to me. And especially not knowing Gabriel's circumstances.

And yet, a tiny part of me was enthralled by the idea that maybe, just maybe, this hallowed thing that wolves valued above all else might still be a part of me, albeit one that had been dormant until now.

But I also knew what that meant for me and Jack.

Gabriel was lapsing into another distant spell, which for once I welcomed. I needed this space to grapple with the overwhelming decision I had to make—one that it seemed fate had already made for me.

Aubrey left me her car to use, and it was parked a quarter-mile away, just off the road with a full tank of gas. I'd asked her not to leave it in Gabriel's driveway; I didn't want to answer the questions I knew he'd ask. I'd given Ephraim a thin excuse about needing the day off as well. Everything was in place, but still I remained in the tepid bathwater as long as I could until it grew uncomfortably cold.

I hadn't spoken to Jack since our call, weeks ago now, when he'd all but removed himself from the equation after my first kiss with Gabriel. But after he had gotten his tattoo, once he'd fallen asleep, I sent Jack a message asking when he would have a day off. That started the countdown clock that this morning finally reached zero.

I'd meant to leave before dawn to make the long drive, but my procrastination had me leaving closer to mid-morning. I was dreading spending seven hours in the car alone with my thoughts, but as I settled into highway speeds, I found the constant rumble of the engine and the blur of the passing scenery made for a good distraction.

It wasn't until I reached the Sawtooth territory border that I was able to put my roadmap away. From there I knew the way home by heart. Now, it was evening. The sunset here over the low valley seemed so much warmer than in Castle territory; here, golden hour was truly gilded. A sharp pang in my chest reminded me how much I missed evenings like this.

Jack must have sensed me coming as he was waiting for me, sitting on the porch steps when I pulled up. He rose and hurried to the car to open my door for me before I could even shut off the engine. I slid out of my seat, straight into his embrace. The comfort I felt in his arms as his familiar smell seeped into my lungs with each breath I took nearly melted my resolve.

"Hey Ki." We were both reluctant to let each other go.

"Hi, Jack." He led me inside and when I refused a drink, we sat down together on the edge of the couch, knees pointed towards each other. I studied his face, every freckle and crease just as I remembered it. His hair was longer now; the ends curled just above his collar. It felt like only yesterday that we'd said goodbye, but somehow it felt at the same time like we'd been apart for years.

"You look well," I pronounced the words slowly. "Healthy."

"I've been alright." He said it like a promise. When I searched his eyes, it seemed that he was telling the truth. That helped temper some of the pain I was feeling in my chest. "Are you hungry?"

I shook my head and dropped my gaze. "I can't stay long."

Letting loose a long sigh, Jack reached out and took my hands, holding them between his own to still my shaking. "It's okay, Kiera. You can talk to me."

I clenched my jaw together tightly. There was so much I wanted to say, and though I wanted to do it without crying, I very quickly realized that wasn't going to happen. I doubled over at the waist to rest my forehead against his hands where they held mine on his knees. He withdrew one of his hands to rub my back while I cried into him.

"We made a promise to each other, do you remember?" Jack asked softly after my sobs gradually slowed to sniffles. "That if one of us found a mate, we'd let each other go."

I sat up and wiped my face with the sleeve of my sweater. I still couldn't look at him. "I know that, I just...I never thought that I'd be the one asking you. And for someone who I'm not even sure feels the same way."

He smiled softly. Sadly. "I'll always love you. You know that."

"Don't." My voice broke. "I want you to hate me. I want you to be angry."

"Ki, we both knew this day would come for at least one of us. It's your turn now. Someday it'll be mine." He spoke with such confidence that I nearly believed him. My kind, optimistic Jack. My first love. I'd lived all of the best parts of my life with him.

"You're my best friend, I'm not ready to leave you." A fresh wave of tears threatened to break loose but I squashed the feeling down.

"Just because we're not sleeping together doesn't mean I'm not going to be a part of your life," he teased gently. "You know you can't get rid of me that easily."

I shrugged. "I know that. I just don't want things to change."

Jack was looking at me seriously now, eyes drilling into mine with an intensity I rarely saw from him. "Kiera, things changed the moment Gabriel walked into the clinic. Something shifted in you, I could sense it even if you couldn't. Your soul knew long before you did that you two were fated for each other."

"Mine might," I countered. "I can't say the same for his."

He reached up to wipe away the last tear from where it clung to my jaw. "He'll come around. You can be pretty convincing when you want to be."

Jack refused to say goodbye. He loaded the last few boxes of my things into the trunk of Aubrey's car, then we sat side by side on the porch steps in silence until we both shook with cold. He tried his best to talk me into staying the night, but I'd done enough. I'd asked for enough. And if I stayed, I wasn't sure how strong I'd be in the morning.

"I wish I could have deserved you," I whispered after he opened my door for me.

He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. "Don't for a second think you deserve anything less than the whole world."

There were no words left for either of us to say. He retreated back to the porch and in my rearview mirror I saw him raise one hand in a solemn wave as I pulled out onto the road.

The part of me that I thought would be screaming in my head the whole drive home, calling me horrible names and telling me to turn around and take it all back, was silent. Maybe she had stayed there with Jack on the porch when I'd driven away. She'd gotten the closure she needed.

And it was on that drive that I realized, for the first time, I'd started to consider the Castle Pack my home.