Dean's POV
I'm not entirely sure when the snap happened in me.
It might've been when I fully registered who was being delivered into my operating room... it might've been when I had her blood staining my gloves...or maybe it was when the surgery was over, the adrenaline from the job had worn off, and I'd taken a second to examine her completely...noting the bruises around her throat.
Either way....the snap happened.
I've been trying so hard to keep my inner darkness under wraps. I worked so damn hard to build this successful life for myself despite all the dark, painful crap I had to go through to get here. I was convinced that if I just played by the rules and kept my nose clean, this life would be a breeze for me.
But after seeing Y/N laying on my operating table...I realized that it's damn near impossible to run from the person I truly am.
And I....am one pissed off son of a bitch right now.
I only knew this girl through one meeting...and everything Zade has shared with me about her. But this situation wasn't sitting right with me from the jump. It was something about her I couldn't put my finger on...something haunting about her...a little voice inside my head that was screaming for me not to let her out of our sight.
But despite that, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I was trying to appease her, understand where she was coming from, and handle the situation in a way that she saw fit. That's what I'm supposed to do...I cater to the patient's needs, not my own...something Zade was having trouble understanding when it came to Y/N.
So...I let her go. I convinced Zade to let her go. The same thing we'd done a hundred times over...
But...clearly...I was so fucking wrong.
I'm sure Y/N had some kind of plan to keep herself safe after she'd left...but motherfuckers like him...they can be so unpredictable. How can you keep yourself safe when a ball of hatred and rage is bouncing around you, keeping you in his sights?
You can't. And Kyle was about to learn that exact lesson from us.
He's not safe. He never will be again.
I had no claim over this woman...even if deep down...I really wanted one for reasons I can't explain. But I owed her so much...she left of her own volition, but I should've fought harder. If I wasn't too worried about our jobs and the policies, Zade and I could've kept her in our grasp...this shit never would've fucking happened.
It's my fucking fault.
And the cage I'd built around my inner demons shattered when I'd come to terms with that fact...and they were roaming free...thirsty for blood and carnage. And I knew that Zade was in the exact same position.
Right now...he and I are indestructible. And we're fucking lethal.
Everytime I went into Y/N's room, and I took a look at her sleeping face...I was just hit with so many vile thoughts. I knew I could be a sick fuck...but up until now I'd always had a hold on it. Zade referred to her the other day as the catalyst that ignited his inner psychopath...and I gotta admit...I think I'm in the same position.
I just keep picturing killing the fucker. All the different glorious ways I could do it. The screaming, the blood, the terror. It's not like I'm a serial killer who gets off on random destruction....no.
But when someone deserves it...when lives are saved because of the death of an asshole....that makes it all the more satisfying. Saving people...ridding the Earth of monsters...that's who I am. That's who Zade and I have always been.
And I wish I'd never forgotten that about myself.
But now....now a beautiful young girl is laying in a coma because of my forgetfulness...that's a sin that I plan to atone for...by committing a sin much greater, for her benefit.
I'm in this with Zade now. I still plan to keep my job...therefore, I plan to do this carefully and well thought out. But I feel his pain here....I feel his insanity...and I feel that pessimism and darkness we both harbor boiling beneath the surface.
Vigilanties or antiheroes...doctors or murderers...saints or sinners...saviors or destroyers...
Whatever label you wanna give us doesn't matter. People like Y/N can't grow and thrive while people like Kyle still walk the Earth...and we owe her at least a fighting chance.
So....we got work to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had been about two weeks since the car accident, and Y/N still hadn't woken up.
Her injuries were recovering well, and the scars were already fading, the bruises around her throat yellowing now.
But she had never had the chance to heal from any of her initial injuries before the accident...her concussion, her ribs and god knows what else before Zade happened across her.
Her tests showed no significant brain damage...no extreme swelling or bleeding. Honestly, on paper, it looks as if there's no reason for her to still be in a deep sleep.
It's almost as if she didn't want to wake up...as if she'd just chosen to stop fighting and let her body waste away, even if her body wasn't done fighting yet.
And that...that only fueled my rage. Zade's too.
He'd taken some time off, but that didn't stop him from being here every day. He never let her out of his sights...as if at any given moment she would disappear.
He was obsessed with her...I hadn't seen him obsess over anything this intensely in a long, long time. I'd never seen him obsess over a woman like this, period.
Honestly...it made me feel kinda guilty. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with this girl...infatuated is more the word I'd use. But even that was enough to challenge the way he felt...so I kept that to myself.
When she wakes up, she might not want anything to do with either of us...and even though I'd have to drag Zade away from her kicking and screaming, that's something we'd just have to respect. But if she does want something to do with us...then...I guess some conversations have to be had between him and I.
Because despite the guilt...jealousy was also rearing its head inside me...and I have no idea why.
I mean it makes sense...wanting a claim over the woman you're debating murder for.
But that's something to deal with in the future, if ever. Right now...our two biggest concerns were waiting for her to wake up...and getting her as far away from town as possible, at least temporarily...so she wouldn't be targeted as a suspect in a murder case.
