The other side of me

Whats wrong with me

Every day and every night my time is spent in a room with all white walls with only a bed with chains attached. Each night the the guard comes into my room and locks me up in my bed so I don't turn to my other side and become harmful. There are no windows and I don't even know what day it is. When I am locked up I think about how heaven can be similar to this place, or even if it's any better. I think about this for a little while but I start to cry wondering about what would my life be like if I was like other teenage girls. I can never fall asleep. I have too much to think about.

The morning came but I couldn't tell because my room was still pitch black like I was living in an horrible dream all my life. My disease is rare and they know nothing about it. When I turn to my other side I don't remember anything, no matter how bad I hurt people or how badly I want to remember what happened. As I sit in this dark room I try my hardest to remember what I have or could've done. The hardest thing is I can't remember what I have done and it's so hard living in here not knowing why or what I did. I am not even allowed any visitors. When I was first put in here my dad visited me. He couldn't even look at me he was so disappointed and I didn't even know what I did. He broke down crying showing how disappointed it was. I tried to explain to him I didn't know what I did. He didn't believe me and looked down at me even more. Ever since that day I block myself out from the world and think about if death is any better. Or if you will be free in death, or if my father will love me ever again.
It's not fair, I think. It's not fair. I get so angry and upset I start to scream at the top of my lungs,"it's not fair!its not fair!" I start kicking and banging my head as hard as I can on my bed trying to block out all my previous thoughts with the pain I am creating.
The guard came in a few minutes later checking to see if I was okay. I responded by," if you really cared if I was okay you would've came sooner!" I screamed in his face.
I started to break down and quietly say,"its not fair,its not fair." over and over again. He sits down by my side trying to comfort me. No one can comfort me not after my dad abandoned me in my time of need. As soon as he sat down I screamed,"leave me alone! Get out! Now!"
He quickly stood up and walked out politely. I was left alone once again in this dark room. Still chained to the bed finally realizing that guard was my only company and the only one that cared.
It is now night time as I was told by a new guard because I probably scared the other guard off just like the rest.
I wake up the next night totally spaced out wondering what went on for the past day. There was a guard standing by my door inside my room staring at me. I asked him,"what are you doing in my room again?"
He responded by," you got out of the asylum last night and made contact with people. you need to be watched at all times."