In a heartbeat

Chapter 17: Off to camp

Carlos’ POV
We’ve packed the car and picked everyone up. I know this will be fun but I already miss Seb. I wish he could’ve come. Thankfully, I have auditions and the play to keep me busy. We arrive at camp the next morning.

-With Seb-
Carlos left a few hours ago and I already miss him.

Sunday

C: hi honey
C: so it turns out we can’t have our phones
C: I miss you and love you
S: I love you too, have fun.

Well, there goes that plan. I text Big Red because I know he is going through the same thing.

S: hey
BR: hey, what’s up?
S: did ash tell you? That they can’t have their phones
BR: yeah, guess Carlos already told you
S: yeah, I miss him already
BR: I feel the same way about Ash
BR: wanna hang out tomorrow?
S: sure

S: hey hun, I know you won’t see this until later. But I love you and I miss you

Monday
I get up and get dressed. I do my chores and then head inside for breakfast then head to Big Red’s. We hang out in his basement and his mom makes us lunch. I hang out with him until dinner time. We watch movies and talk. It was fun. The next few days pass in similar fashion until Friday. Big Red and I decide to see a movie. He drives us to the theater and we get food and drinks. We head into the theater and sit down. About halfway through the movie, we both reach for the popcorn and our hands touch. I feel a spark and I start to lean in. He does too and our lips meet. I pull away quickly, shocked.
“Seb-”
“Please tell me that didn't just happen,” I say.
“It did, I-”
“I can’t believe this,” I say, standing up and rushing out.
I’m outside, sitting on the curb, trying not to cry, when he catches up to me. He sits down next to me.
“So we kissed…”
“Yeah, I don’t know, I uh I don’t have feelings for you, I don’t know why that happened,” I say, my voice breaking 
He places a hand on my shoulder.
“Well I miss Ash and you miss Carlos. That’s all it’s gotta be,” he says.
“But I think we should just come clean,” he adds.
“I can’t. It would crush him,” I say, tears falling. “he’d break up with me in a heartbeat,” I add.
“but the guilt will eat you alive,” he says.
I shrug, “better than hurting him.”
“Well it's your choice but I'm probably going to tell Ash. But I won't say who,” he says.
“thanks,” I say.
He drives me home and I head up to my room. I can't believe that happened. I can never tell him.
Week 2 Wednesday
My phone buzzes while I'm milking. I quickly finish and head upstairs to my room after cleaning up.
C: hey baby. Long story but I got my phone back
S: hi love. I miss you, how's it going?
C: good, glad it's almost over though, I miss you so much
S: I bet, only a few more days though right?
C: yeah, just the Prom and the show?
S: Prom?
C: yeah. Camp tradition
S: cool
I should go and surprise him. I quickly pack my bags and head out to my car after telling my mom. I spend the night at a hotel after driving a bit then continue driving the next morning.
Thursday
I arrive at the camp after dinner and change in the back of the barn. I hang out in the back of the barn until the dance starts. Then I come out and approach Carlos and Ash. Ash sees me first and smiles.
“Why are you smiling?” he asks.
“because I see something that makes you happy,” she says, pointing at me.
He turns around and sees me.
“Sebastian!”
“Hi honey!”
He kisses me.
“I can’t believe you’re here. How long are you staying?” he asks.
“Until the end of camp,” I say.
“yay!” he exclaims, kissing me again.
“Come on, let’s dance,” I say.
We sing the last song together and dance. After the dance ends, we head outside.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” he says.
He’s so happy but I do feel guilty and I want to tell him. But I can't.
“Seb, honey? Are you okay?”
“Yeah,  just tired, “ I say.
“let’s go get some rest then,” he says.
We head to his cabin and change into pajamas. I choose a bunk and lay down. Someone turns off the lights and everyone quickly falls asleep. But I can't sleep. I keep thinking about what happened. Frustrated, I quietly get up and head outside.
Carlos’ POV
I hear the cabin door open and close. I sit up and look around. Seb's bunk is empty. I quickly get up and head outside.  I find him by the fire pit.
“seb, love,  what’s going on?
“seb?”
I sit down next to him and take his hand.
“Love, what's going on?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” he says.
“Do what?” I ask.
“This, us,” he says, dropping my hand.
“are you breaking up with me?” I ask, tearing up.
“I just think we should take a break,” he says, not meeting my eyes.
“But why?” I ask, voice breaking.
“I’m leaving first thing in the morning,” he says.
“Seb, please-” I say, tears falling.
“Please don’t cry…”
“please tell me what’s wrong, we can fix this,” I say.
“good night Carlos,” he says kissing my cheek and heading back to the cabin.
I sit there, hurt and confused. What just happened? I head back to the cabin, intending to talk to him but he isn’t there. I climb into my bed and just lay there. Somehow, I fall asleep. When I wake up, Seb is gone but Ricky is there.
“you okay carlos? Where’s seb?”
His name makes my heart hurt.
“He- uh, he left,” I say.
“what why?” he asks.
“I don’t know. He said we should take a break,” I say, sniffling.
“Oh Carlos, I’m sorry.”
EJ comes in.
“Woo-hoo, Opening night!!” he shouts.
I give him a slight smile. He pauses.
“Is everything okay?” he asks.
“Uh, yeah, Showtime!” I say, half-heartedly.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
I sigh, “Seb left. Something is going on with him.”
“Oh. I’m sorry,” he says.
“He-e wants to take a break,” I say, my voice breaking. “but we have a show to do,” I add, getting out of bed.
“Carlos, it’s just a show. If you need to talk-,” EJ says.
“Honestly, I need to do the show, lose myself in the character,” I say.
I just have to get through the show and then I can go home and talk to Seb. However, the day after the show, the documentary trailer drops and implies that I cheated on Seb which isn’t true at all. I try to call him but he doesn’t answer. He can’t possibly believe that right? After two days of him not answering, I go to his house. His mom answers the door and says that he isn’t home so I leave.
Seb’s POV
Carlos leaves and I hear my mom coming upstairs. Here we go. She knocks on the door.
“Come in,” I say.
She enters the room and sits down in front of me.
“Honey, why didn’t you want to see Carlos? I thought you missed him,” she says.
“I did. I do miss him. But I did something bad,” I say.
“What is it? I’m sure it’s not-”
“I kissed someone else,” I say.
I bury my head in hands, tears starting to fall. She wraps her arms around me.
“Oh sebby.”
“I feel like a terrible person,” I say.
“Oh, honey. You just made a mistake. You’re young, it’s a part of life,” she says.
“what do I do? I feel so guilty.”
“Well first you have to tell him the truth,” she says.
“I can’t do that! He’d be so heartbroken!” I shout.
“if you don’t, the guilt you’re feeling will eat you alive,” she says.
Just then, my phone buzzes.
C: seb, please talk to me
C: tell me what’s wrong please…
“it seems like he wants to talk,” she says.
“I can’t mom.”
C: seb please
“I want to be alone,” I say.
“Okay,” she says, kissing my head and leaving.
C: please answer
S: leave me alone
C: we need to talk about the doc
C: if you’re mad, I get it. But let me explain.
C: please
S: this isn’t… Carlos please leave me alone
C: seb please, I can’t lose you
I turn my phone off. For the rest of the summer, I focus on working on the farm. Carlos keeps trying to talk to me but I ignore him.
On the last day of summer vacation, he shows up at the farm again. However, this time no one but me is home. Everyone went into town but I didn’t want to go in case I ran into him. Unfortunately, I was working in the garden so he found me.
“hi,” he says.
I set down my tools and take my gloves off. But I don’t say anything.
“Can I help?” he asks.
I scoff because I know this isn’t his strong suit.
“Okay, you don’t have to scoff at me. I know it's not my area of expertise.  I know it's yours but I didn’t know what else to say,” he says.
“You’re right, I'm sorry,” I say,  quietly.
I put my gloves back on and return to my task. But he's still standing there. I think about how he would feel if he knew the truth.
Carlos’ POV
This isn't like him. He's too quiet. Then suddenly, he sits down in the dirt, his head buried in his hands. I sit down next to him and that’s when I notice his shoulders are shaking. He's crying. What's going on? I place my hand on his shoulder cautiously. He doesn’t stop crying but he doesn't push me away either. I wrap my arm around his shoulder and he lifts his head, staring out over the fields.
“Seb, please tell me what's going on,” I say.
“I can’t-t,” he manages to say.
“You should go,” He adds.
He shrugs off my arm and stands up,  walking back to the house. I hurry to catch up to him. I grab his hand to stop him, turning him around to face me. Then I do something reckless. I kiss him. He surprises me when he kisses me back. I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. But that makes him pull away.
“Carlos, we can't.”
“we just did. And I know you wanted to because you kissed me back,” I say.
“Yeah, I did. But I shouldn’t have,” he says.
“Do you still love me?” I ask.
I know I'm pushing it but…
“that's not- what this is about,” he says.
“Then what is it about?” I ask.
“goodbye, Carlos.”
He kisses me briefly and then heads inside. I sigh, get in my car and drive away. When I get home, I see a text from him.
S: look, I do... love you. But it's complicated
C: I know there's something you aren't telling me. Would it be easier to tell me over text?
S: no
C: so we're just done?
S: we will be if I tell you
S: I can't hurt you like that
C: but telling me you love me but still basically breaking up with me doesn’t hurt?
S: I know it does because it hurts me too
S: please. Just give me some time. I need to come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably lose you over this. I swear I will tell you, when I’m ready.
C: ok