His light at the end of the tunnel

Chapter 5

A few days had passed and it was all the same routine. I woke up with my usual messy hair, did my necessities (which includes not brushing my hair), ate breakfast, tried to go to school but was then stopped by Helen outside my apartment door, went to school, had boring classes which included spending lunch with her, went home, did my homework, ate, slept and repeat. I still remembered my old routine but deep down, I knew this one wasn't too bad. I was growing used to it and I knew I shouldn't but I did. It will definitely be much harder if she breaks my heart. And with that thought, half of a broken glass reforms and I left it be, knowing I didn't want to find out what it meant or the reason for its presence.

At 11, there I laid in my bed, unable to fall asleep despite the time I've spent on it. I thought against touching the sleeping pills carefully put away in my nightstand, knowing I couldn't rely on it too much. Falling asleep was a problem I had on some days which got me late sometimes.

The air was filled with silence as I stared at my ceiling. There was nothing interesting in my boring life which made me cope with boredom or whatever emptiness I felt. I fiddled with my fingers, trying to remember the times when I was happy. Of when I would laugh and smile without a care in the world. The feeling of sharing my inner thoughts with a friend but most of all, losing the feeling of being cared for.

A sigh escaped my lips as I remembered that that was all in the past and I should instead focus on the future. The question was though, what future? Because all I knew was that I had nothing and no one. I was alone.

Emptiness filled me but I had grown accustomed to it, accepting its presence with each visit it made. I picked up my phone on my nightstand and looked through it; not having an option to scroll through it. Soon, I dropped my phone and started counting sheep, hoping that I would fall asleep. Hope. When I thought about things, I always wished or hoped for it to come true, knowing full well that they wouldn't. But sometimes, I really hope they did.

•••

I sat up in my bed, looking at the sunrise through my window. It was 7am in the morning and I didn't sleep a wink. I was mostly huddled in my blanket, thinking of new ways to fall asleep which were all unsuccessful.

I did my necessities and wore some casual wear; a grey shirt and black jeans. I then picked some black shoes on my almost empty shoe rack, and got out of my house, not caring to comb my messy hair.

Right beside my door is where she stood, our meeting as I shut my front door. Her eyebrows furrowed when she stared into my eyes and I knew full well that the bags under my eyes got worse. She proceeded to hold her bag with its strap, opening the zip afterwards. "May I please have it?"

I froze at her question. She was really good at surprising me by asking random questions. Did she know that I couldn't read minds? "Have what?"

"Your number," she informed, pulling her phone out of her bag and placing it in my hand.

My eyebrows furrowed as I stared at the phone in her hand and then at her. Why did she need my number? Was she... playing a trick on me?

"I'm not gonna do whatever you're thinking about," she confirmed as she looked at me with pleading eyes. Was she a mind reader?

After having a whole monologue in my head of what she could do with my number, I shook my head, hoping I had made the right decision by rejecting her. She was definitely going to hate me.

Her shoulders slumped as she looked down on the floor, "I guess I was too direct. I mean... we're still acquaintances so I shouldn't have asked when we aren't close."

Suddenly, she stood up straight, placing her hand on her hips, "It's alright though. At least I can be around you," Helen stated, her smile nothing but a lie. She... definitely hated me.
"Either way," she said as she took my hand in hers. "You wouldn't want to be late for school, would you?"

She led me down the apartment steps which gave me a feeling of deja vu. I kept quiet, a thought only came up when I was around her, popping in my head. If only I could smile as brightly as she did but I knew all I could do was hope because nothing good ever happened to me and I wished it wasn't the case.

•••

I walked into school, and Helen began walking in a different direction than our class. Even though we had different schedules, we most of the time had the same. Was she leading me to the calls her first period was taking place? She stopped at the teacher's lounge, turning and facing me. "I have to talk to a teacher. You don't need to wait for me since we attend different classes," she stated as a teacher called out her name. "I have to go. See ya!"

I nod and turn to leave before realizing that my hand wasn't empty. I brought it up to realize that it was Helen's phone! I totally forgot to give it to her when I saved my contact on her phone. I leaned against observing a clock on the hallway walls. When would she be-

"Well well well. Look who it is," I heard a voice say beside me. A group of two who made snarky jokes at people; which included me. I stared at the floor, pretending that I didn't hear his voice. Why did they have to notice me?

"Since when were you deaf? Have you gotten that crazy?" the guy, Elias, asked and they both snickered at me, a slight frown appearing on my face. Luckily, I'd learnt a lot from my past experiences. Sometimes, the silent treatment was the best option to go... even though it didn't work most of the time...since they were true after all.

"We shouldn't even be here wasting our time on him," another guy in the duo, Caleb, said as he cued for them to leave. "I can't believe we were even friends with that freak."

Upon hearing this, I immediately turned back, watching them walk away, their back facing me as they laughed. Yeah... why was I friends with them if I was a freak? I didn't even deserve-

"What are you doing?" Helen said, appearing out of nowhere. I was so used to it that I didn't flinch anymore, my gaze locking with hers. I notice her crossed arms and her frowned face, thinking of the only thing that could cause this. "...Did you perhaps get scolded?"

"No! I'm quite diligent at my work. You know, 'a bit over average' student," she stated and then the other reason comes to mind, gripping my shirt in the process.

"...You heard what they said, didn't you?"
Slightly pinching her arm, she nods and I knew that this was the moment. The moment she didn't want to be around me anymore. The moment she thought I was a freak-

"Who were they? They were being incredibly rude to you and I feel like punching their fuc-" she paused realising what she had done and for me, and I stood there speechless. Did Helen with all smiles and a cherry personality almost swear?

"Either way..." she began, her tone softening. "Why did you allow them to say those things about you?"

I kept quiet, fiddling with my fingers silently. Those things were true and I couldn't argue otherwise. I deserved all this but why was she acting like she even cared? It was obvious that she didn't and if she was trying to make it obvious that she hated me, then she was doing a great job.

I did the only sensible thing I could and walked away, leaving her in the dark. I knew it was stupid but that was all I could think of at the moment. Heading to class, I hoped that the drama wouldn't make my life worse and would just disappear. Unfortunately, my life was a living hell and like always, I wondered if it could get any better, even if it was just for a short period of time. I sat on my desk, muttering the few words I wish came true.

"I really hope this life of mine will get better."

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