>Sam's POV<
For a long time, I felt like I had just destroyed everything. My family, Tara's safety, Tara's relationship with our mom.
It took a lot of thought to realize I wasn't to blame. I don't know why I blamed myself. Maybe it was reflex.
I was in the park, sitting on a bench and waiting for my mom to show up.
After some time passed, I got up.
"I don't know why I fell for this shit." I mumbled.
"Wait!" I heard a nearly breathless woman yell.
My mom was running and finally made it to me, resting her hand on the bar of the bench out of breath.
"My bus, I missed the first one." She said.
I nodded. I didn't know what to say or how to start a conversation.
"Listen, mija-"
"Don't -" I cut her off.
She looked at me with worry.
"Don't act like you care about me. Mija this mija that, I know that's all for Tara and that's ok." I said.
"I love Tara. You know that, and I love you even though you may not know that." She said.
"Really!?" I asked.
"Really." She said.
"Tara was in the hospital after almost being killed."
"I couldn't book a plane back, you know this!" My mom said.
"What about her graduation? I bought her cap and gown. I paid her senior dues, and I watched her walk across that stage." I said.
"And I appreciate that always." Mom said.
"Your definition of love doesn't make sense. Tara and I have been fending for ourselves, me since I was 18." I cried.
"You chose to run away!" My mom exclaimed.
"You didn't make it easy to stay!" I yelled.
There was a pause.
"You hated me. You hated me and resented me, and I wanna know why."
"I didn't hate you." She said.
"Then what was the neglect about?"
"I didn't neglect you."
"If we're gonna make any progress, let's start with honesty. I got treated way differently than Tara did." I said in a low voice.
"I didn't hate you. I was scared." She said
"Scared of what?"
"I don't know, Sam. I knew you were Billy's. I'd seen what happened to Sidney over and over. I was scared for us. I didn't know how to handle it." My mom explained.
"So that's your excuse for being a shitty mom?" I said.
"Not an excuse. That's my explanation. It doesn't mean the way I handled things was right." She said.
"What changed? What made you come all the way to New York?" I asked.
"Tara cut me off. I didn't have her phone number. I didn't find out what happened to you two the 2nd time until far long after. I wanted to see you. Both of you." She said.
"Well, now you've seen us." I fold my arms.
"I know you hate me." She placed her hand on my cheek. "I'm not saying you have no reason. I just hope I can tell you everything and maybe one day, you'll forgive me." She explained.
