Penalty Kill

Jake

Huey loves Harper, and Harper loves Huey.

I'm watching the two of them romp around in the grass, which they've been at for well over an hour now. My old boy is having the most fun I've seen him have in a long time. It's rare I get a chance during the season to get outside with him for this long—I've got a pet sitter that'll come by and give him good walks and lots of love while I'm away, but it doesn't beat getting him to the park like this to get all his zoomies out.

And little did I know, it looks like Harper was long overdue to get her zoomies out, too. The cold bite of the early November air has turned her cheeks and the tip of her nose brilliant rosy red, and the chilly weather hasn't stopped either of them from playing and running around like lunatics. I've watched the clouds of their breath move around from each corner of the dog park, my laughter echoing Harper's as her and Huey play like two long lost best friends from grade school.

It's incredible to watch the two of them together. I've never brought a girl around Huey—he's met all my teammates, been to my parents farm wherever I visit to live his best dog life. But never have I introduced him to someone I've been dating. It feels like a silly thing to get emotional over, but seeing how much joy Huey is bringing Harper, and vice versa, well, I'm glad I've got sunglasses on.

The last few years have been fucking brutal. I've got aging parents upstate, who are relying on me to come pick up where they've left off on our generations-old farm. I'm fighting for my life to get one more year out of my contract, after struggling season after season to be the player I once was. I've been taking a beating in the press, I've been booed off the ice, I've been called every name under the sun on social media.

Washed up. Has-been. Useless piece of shit. Waste of space. The list goes on, and I've been drowning in those words swirling around in my mind when I hit the ice every game for years now. But this week ... It's like there was a switch flipped in my brain that was always there, I just never knew exactly where it was.

It turned off all the noise. All the people talking bullshit about me faded away to nothing when I skated out to play my fucking heart out. As hard as I try to not be superstitious, I can't help but think that my focus this week has been in large part due to the woman I'm currently watching romp around with my dog while laughing her head off.

Something about her has shifted my mentality just enough. Play hard, leave it all out there so when she's watching you, she won't think you're a has-been piece of shit everyone has been telling you you are—even your own coach. Let her see the man you once were out there, skating circles around people, making moves and throwing checks and talking shit before beating the shit out of whoever happened to deserve it that night.

It's like my soul's been on mute, and she found the lost remote to get the sound back on. Wanting her to be impressed by me, wanting her to see me operate at my fullest potential, wanting her in general. It's sparked something in me that I've been fighting for years.

All this time, I've been creating this legacy. Working hard for a long, successful career, getting ready to take over the farm, and the dream was always to have someone by my side through it all. That was shot to hell after I got my stupid fucking heart broken my rookie year. She cheated on me with one of my best friends, and ended up getting pregnant. There's nothing quite like having your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on by not only one, but two people you've given all your trust, time and energy to.

Needless to say, it left a bad taste in my mouth, and I haven't revisited even the thought of a long-term relationship since then. I've dated off and on, had sex with strangers when the loneliness got so bad it was nearly crippling me. It's not something I'm proud of, but it helped me get through some of my darkest times in order to just keep going. To put one foot in front of the other and keep getting up every day.