Changing Seasons, Changing People

Reflection

Sunday, May 28th, 2017.

As I peer into the darkness my curtains unveiled, my eyes scrambled to find the same lonely street light I had gazed at many times over the years. In 6th grade, when I first moved here and found solace in the lonely pole. In 8th grade, when my father passed away and I didn't want to do anything but mope around all the time. And now, in 10th grade. Of course, there were many different occasions I looked at this pole in-between the ones I mentioned.

My vision locked onto the pole, music playing loudly in my headphones. Currently, my senses are being overwhelmed. I want to cry, but I want to hold it in. "Be a man, it'll all pass," as they say... 

Sometimes, I wish I could cry and not think less of myself. 

But I'll hold it in. I'll hold it all in. 

Looking away from the darkness outside my window, I notice the red, blaring numbers on my alarm clock that read '01:38'. I closed my eyes and opened them again but to no avail, the numbers still read the same. 

Instantly, I stepped away from my windowsill and walked towards my bedroom door and opened it. The hallway light greeted me, but also guided me towards the bathroom where I got ready for bed.

Falling asleep was a daunting task. I had so much to think about. I had so much to feel, yet I was keeping myself from feeling. I didn't want to think, and I didn't want to feel. I don't want anything. I want to be a blank slate. I want to decide what's right for me, not letting the world pick and choose. Goodnight.

x 

Monday, May 29th, 2017.

Waking up this morning was tough. I woke up at 6:30 like usual, washed my face, got dressed, ate my breakfast, and by 07:20, I was out the door. 

I usually have a surplus of time to think on the walk to school, but I already did all of my thinking last night.  I'm unusually bored, and my feet hurt. But it's okay, I'll be at school by 07:35 and I can rest. Well, unless I get dragged on one of the devil's adventures again, but I can only pray that doesn't happen.

x 

As I reached the main entrance of the school, it was like a portal from hell had opened up and Satan himself was waiting for me.

"On time as usual, Hideshi." 

"Yeah, I guess so."

"You look tired though. Did you not get enough sleep last night? Oh my! And your hair!"

"What about my hair, Sasaki."

I couldn't help but use a sarcastic tone in response to her. Over the last year, there has been one person that has been the bane of my existence, a half-Japanese half-American girl named Sasaki Willow. Sasaki was about 8 inches shorter than me, wore thick-rimmed glasses, had black hair, and was wearing the Ibaraki Public High School's female uniform, which consisted of a black skirt, and white dress shirt underneath the buttoned blackish-blue uniform blazer that had the school's emblem on the right breast of it. 

"It's a little messy. Didn't have time to take a shower this morning, I'd guess."

"You're right. I stayed up a little late last night and barely got out of the shower before I passed out in my bed." 

"Wow, even the uptight Hideshi can be lazy sometimes."

"I'm not uptight! And I'm always lazy, haven't you noticed?"

"I guess I didn't care enough to remember." Sasaki stuck her tongue out at me to try and mock me.

"Yeah, whatever," I walked up to the cheap-o vending machine that we usually frequented in the mornings. "Coffee this morning, Sasaki?" 

"Yeah sure, make sure it's cold or I'll skin you."

"Yeah yeah, I know. You don't have to tell me that every time, we get the same one."

"You have computer class first period, right Hedeshi?"

"Yeah I do, why?" 

"I need to show you something."

Not even getting down on my knees and praying to the mightiest God's would save me from this Devil's shenanigan's.