15 | Regret

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🎵: Speak Now - Taylor Swift
"Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I'm only looking at you"

Zoe and I spent the rest of the night dead asleep, and we didn't wake up until around 1pm on Sunday

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Zoe and I spent the rest of the night dead asleep, and we didn't wake up until around 1pm on Sunday

We gave each other a huge hug before we went downstairs, and Zoe kissed my forehead, telling me I'd be fine

I decided not to tell my mum about the party, because she was already super busy, and with my anxiety she already had a reason to worry about me

It wouldn't help to pile a new problem onto her plate, so I kept my mouth shut and I told Zoe not to tell her either

"Are you sure that's a good idea El? You went through something really traumatic - shouldn't you tell your mum?" Zoe asked me worriedly

"I don't want to worry her any more than I have to Zoe, please just promise me you won't say anything to her" I pleaded

She reluctantly agreed eventually, and we both went to the bathroom to remove last night's makeup - which I deeply regretted sleeping in

We washed our faces, and headed downstairs where my family was

"There you are sleeping beauties, how was the party last night?" my dad asked

"Yes, tell me I've been dying to hear all about it" my mum added, setting mugs of hot tea in front of me and Zoe

"It was fun, we mostly hung out with the other girls, talked, listened to music, that kind of thing" I told them vaguely

My mum's face dropped, and the excitement left her face

"Is that it? I don't get any of the juicy details? Did you drink or talk to any boys?" she questioned

"It wasn't really that interesting mum, honestly. And we only had these drinks Kiara made us that only had like half a beer in them" I answered

"There was no cosying up with drunk boys I hope" my dad said, lowering his glasses and looking away from his newspaper

I almost laughed at his ' firm dad face'

"No, there wasn't any cosying up to boys dad, I promise" I smiled weakly

Zoe squeezed my hand under the table and a lump rose in my throat

You were drugged and almost raped Eleanor

I forced the memory out of my mind and drank my tea, the hot liquid running down my throat and making me feel warm and comfortable

Marco was also in the kitchen, leaning his back against the kitchen counter

I then remembered that he was the one to let us in last night, and saw us exit Aaron's car

As if he had read my mind, he began talking

"Hey El, who was that guy that dropped you guys off last night?" he asked suddenly

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He caught my dad's attention and made mum's face light up with curiosity

"What boy?" they both asked, in very different tones

"Oh he's just a friend, he drove us home because Zoe's car had a flat tyre and she didn't have any spares" I said quickly

I didn't want them to know the real reason, which was that Zoe had been unfit to drive because she was trembling and shaking after helping me recover from Josh's actions

"He also wasn't drinking last night, so he was perfectly sober enough to drive us, please don't worry or yell at Eleanor Mr and Mrs Sanchez - it was my car and my fault" Zoe rushed

"Oh don't worry honey, we're not blaming you" my mum smiled kindly at her

I sighed in relief that she and my dad weren't angry at us coming home with a guy

"He seemed nice, we talked a little after he brought Zoe's car back last night" Marco said

"What did you guys talk about?" I asked casually, though my insides were turning into jelly at the thought of Aaron talking to my brother

"Nothing much, we talked about our cars and he gave me Zoe's car keys to give back" he said, "Here"

He tossed them to her and she caught them, smiling at my brother

We excused ourselves, talking about some homework or other as an excuse to run back to my room where we could be alone and analyse last night

We sat on my room floor, and Zoe took a big sigh

"I'm so sorry about last night El, I should never have left you with all those creepy guys there - it was all my fault" Zoe whispered, her voice cracking mid sentence

"Zoe it wasn't your fault, it was mine for being stupid enough to not think about Josh drugging me, plus you were going to the bathroom with Sam" I comforted her

It broke me to see her like this, beating herself up over something that had happened to me

She wiped a tear off her face and took a long, shaky breath

"It wasn't your fault, do you hear me?" I asked, making her look straight at me

"Yes" she said quietly

"Good" I said

I meant it - none of last night was because of her; it was Josh's fault for being such a lowlife, wanting some sexual validation so bad that he had to make me half conscious so he could do what he wanted with my body

We sat together in comfortable silence for a while, me and Zoe thinking about last night's events

I was confused about why I was so composed, I always thought I'd be having a panic attack and crying for days after that happened to me

I guess it was the GHB I had consumed, it made me barely aware of my surroundings and took all the feeling from my body

It had made my mind foggy and I could hardly comprehend what was happening

The only things I remember from that dark room were Josh's hands sliding up the folds of my dress and his mouth slobbering all over my neck

That thought made me shudder, and I told Zoe I was going to have a shower

I took my time letting the hot water run over me, taking long deep breaths and ridding myself of Josh's disgusting touch

I felt much better after the shower, and Zoe and I spent the rest of the day watching our old comfort movies and laying cuddles up on the sofa

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