[LARONA]
The food was too good. I really enjoyed my homemade lunch. I’m washing down my throat with a glass of white wine and watching The Mommy Club. I’ve been talking to Kago for over an hour and we’re still at it. My girl is a gone girl and I cannot even fetch her even I wanted to. She’s too far gone and very deep in it.
‘But guys in tech tend to be players and I’m always waiting for him to do some shady stuff’ she says and I laugh.
‘You’re silly kana wena. Stereotypes? Really, Kago? Come on?’
‘You know what they say about them. Let’s not act that we don’t know’ she’s also cackling at her silliness.
‘I am not listening to this. That man has shown you in so many ways that he genuinely wants you in his life. What you’re doing now is attempting to self-sabotage and I’m not going to allow you to. Couzzy you’ve been through a lot in terms of mjolo. Allow yourself to be loved just this once’
Another thing that annoys me heavily about Kago is that she doesn’t feel like she’s worthy of all the attention her man is showering her with. When it comes to the games of self-esteem, that girl is always scoring zero and she has no business being this insecure. She’s pretty, considerate, and very romantic. I don’t see what man wouldn’t want her unless he’s mad.
‘We’ve been talking about me for too long now. How are you?’
I pour myself another glass and sit back. How am I vele?
‘Kurhula kissed me’ I tell her and silence ensues for a little bit, then she screams.
‘Are you joking or are you serious right now?’
‘Why would I joke about something like this?’
She screams again. I can’t help but blush. I still don’t understand what happened in the middle of that kitchen floor.
‘No tell me the details. What do you mean Kurhula kissed you? It just happened? I thought you had decided that it’s strictly business just between you two?’
‘I had and he flipped the board. Now I don’t know what to call this. He keeps telling me about how I’m his and stuff like that’
She’s enjoying this tea and she’s not even trying to hide it. If it was according to Kago, Kurhula would be the king of my castle.
‘I smell a relationship here because I can tell you like him too’
‘Stop it. He comes with complications, you know this. You know the ups and downs of polygamy. It’s never fair’
‘There’s no man you’ll ever have that you won’t share. Let me tell you this for free. At least when he’s polygamous, you’ll know who else he’s sleeping with’
‘Well let me also tell you something else for free. You won’t be happy if someone likened you to women whose characters you don’t agree with so stop being so stereotypical. Not all men cheat and another thing you have to know is that even men in polygamous marriages cheat as well. There’s no formula for this thing’
‘I am glad you know that there’s no formula. Now why are you torturing yourself because I know good and well that this man is fully your type? Kurhula is hot, successful and—’
‘That man loves his wife. With me, it’s probably just curiosity and him wanting to slide it inside. All this is a recipe for heartbreak’
‘Wena don’t you want him to?’ she’s asking with an element of sneakiness in her voice.
‘To what?’
‘To uh uh uh’
‘Ombhora gore’ I laugh. He walks in and I immediately remove Kago from speaker phone.
‘I need to go. We’ll talk later’
He’s looking at me with a dodgy smile on his face.
‘You don’t have to end the call on my account. Was that your taxi driver boyfriend?’
I get up to go wash my dishes.
‘He’s not my boyfriend and no, it wasn’t him’
He doesn’t sound drunk but his eyes are red.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask. He’s standing behind me and I wonder what is on his mind.
‘I’m not feeling too good but I’ll be fine. Give me half an hour. Can I taste your food?’ why is saying that so… seductively?
Your plate is in the microwave. He fetches it and eats while standing.
‘Terrible manners’ I jest.
‘You’ll teach your kids how to behave. I’m already beyond repair’ he responds and has me laughing defeatedly. He’s visibly enjoying the food.
I cannot help but shake off the feeling that something is wrong with him. He looks and sounds a bit off.
‘Are you sure you’ll be fine?’
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he walks to the bathroom and I hear him throw up a minute later. Should I take some water to him? This is getting scary. My phone rings and I realise that Kuli tried to call me about twenty minutes ago and I didn’t see it. My phone is reporting it as missed call. I answer her second call.
‘Lala, where’s your husband?’
She sounds too serious.
‘Uhm… he’s in the bathroom and it doesn’t look like he’s okay’
‘Where was he because I’ve been trying to call him and I couldn’t reach him?’
‘He said he was going out with his friends’
‘Yoh, I’m late. I think he was poisoned. I know, rather’
My heart begins spinning around. What does she mean he was poisoned? Is he dying?
‘By who?’
‘I only know the face of the person who did it, not his name’
‘Should I take him to the hospital?’
‘That would be you finishing him off. Do you have tea there?’
‘Yeah there’s complimentary teabags here. Uhm…’ I say while scrambling through the coffee station. ‘There’s FreshPak and Five roses here’
‘Okay. Boil some water, rip three Five Roses teabags and pour it in, then mix. Tell him to purge everything out using that’
I’m going to use this bowl because there’s nothing else here. It drops to the floor and Kuli tells me to relax. I’m even shaking.
‘Are you done?’ she asks after the kettle goes off.
‘Almost. What is he supposed to do with this again?’
‘Purging. He does it all the time. Just give it to him, along with a cup or something he can drink with. He’ll know what to do’
I take the warm bowl and go knock on the bathroom door.
‘Kurhula?’
‘Yeah?’ he sounds weak. He mustn’t do this to me.
‘I have a purging bowl for you here. Kuli’s instructions’
He opens the door and receives it.
‘Don’t look so worried. It’s probably food poisoning or some shxt’
I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to tell him what his wife has told me.
‘I’m gonna be fine’ he assures and closes the door. I wait for him to get done and hear him brushing his teeth a while later. He comes out bare-chested with his t-shirt in his hand. He climbs the couch and lays his head on my thighs.
‘Yohhh… yesses…’ he exclaims.
I put my hand on his head and he looks at me with a smile.
‘Admit that you love me Larona’
‘Where is that coming from now?’
‘Look at how panicked you look. You’re afraid to lose me, right? I’m not dying baby’
I laugh out loud. He’s such an idiot.
I let him lay there and he eventually falls asleep. He looks so peaceful like he’s not the menace that he is. We are leaving when he wakes up. I’ll drive. We were supposed to leave in the afternoon. Had we done that, none of this would’ve had a chance to occur.
