The only good thing to come out of me being attacked is that finally, I managed to capture my mom's attention. She comes barreling into my hospital room with Ava and Viv almost 24 hours after the attack, and needless to say, she does not handle it well at all. For the first time in I can't even remember when, my mom sees me. And to say it feels good is a drastic understatement. It's like I've been living as a ghost in my family for years, and suddenly I've been brought back to life. Kind of sad that it takes almost dying for them to see me, but hey, at least they do now. Better late than never.
"What were you doing in that alley, Gen?" my mom asks after I give my third statement to the police. She brushes my hair back behind my ear, and God, I can't tell you how much I've missed this. It's been far too long since I've been cared for by her. Honestly, I don't really know what to make of it. But I will say that I'm enjoying it while it lasts, because I know there's no way it'll last forever.
I haven't told my family about me going to school in Boston, but it seems kind of moot now. My chances of getting the money were stripped away when that asshole took my trade. So I don't even feel the need to bother explaining now. "It was stupid. I shouldn't have been there." Not a lie, but not the truth either. But I worry the truth might hurt her. "It doesn't matter."
"It does matter," Ava snaps, and when I look up at her, I see a fury in my older sister's eyes that I've never seen before. "You could've been killed. Vale said he thought you were dead when he found you."
My mom sucks in a shaky breath of air, like the mere thought of me not being in this world with her brings her pain. "Gen's right, Ava," she whispers soothingly as she strokes my hair again. "It doesn't matter. The police are handling all of that. The important thing is that your sister is safe."
Ava nods her head. "Yeah, but...." She falters suddenly as she stares at me, watching as our mother runs her fingers through my blonde hair. Then she sighs and says, "Okay. I'm sorry. Of course the only thing that matters is that Gen's safe." We lock eyes for a second, and somehow I think I'm able to communicate with her what I'm thinking. I need this. I need our mother's affection right now. I need it like I need air. And I silently beg her not to steal it from me. To just please let me have this one fleeting moment with her, before it's gone again. "Viv, come on," she says as she wraps her arm around our baby sister's shoulders. Viv's eyes grow wide at the sudden touch. "Let's go down to the cafeteria and get some pudding. We'll be back later, Gen."
"Okay," I say, lifting my hand in a wave as a rush of gratitude for my sister envelopes me. "I'll see you in a bit, yeah?" Ava smiles and nods her head, and I watch as my two sisters leave me alone with my mother.
A heavy silence falls between us, and I'm not going to lie, it's a little awkward. But then my mom takes another shaky breath and says, "I told your dad about what happened. He's on his way back from the east coast now. Said he's going to give you a call later. But he wanted me to tell you that he loves you, and that he's glad you're okay."
A small smile begins to spread on my lips. "I love him too. I can't wait to see him." It's true. My dad and I aren't particularly close, but I don't really blame him for that. He's always on the road, trying to earn money for Viv's many therapies and Ava's wedding and whatever else this family needs. No, whatever else my sisters need. My needs don't matter. Not really.
Tears fill my mom's soft blue eyes. Eyes that look like my own. "Oh, Gen. My sweet girl. I... I am so... sorry. I'm sorry it took us so long to get here. We didn't know about the attack. Vale told us today, and we rushed down here immediately. But why didn't you call us? Or have one of them call us sooner?"
![chocfudgeO tarafından yazılan Devil's Food Cake [✓] adlı hikaye](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/98784396-80-k419229.jpg)
I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. I guess... I guess I thought you wouldn't care." Yes, I know. Ouch. But it's the truth. And this truth she needs to hear. Because I cannot go back to the life I had with her before. Now that I'm getting her attention, I can't go back to being the invisible one.
She blinks, surprised. "Honey, what do you mean you thought I wouldn't care?"
"You never really care about what I do," I reply. "I mean, come on, mom. When was the last time you called to check in with me? When was the last time you sat with me like this and stroked my hair? Do you even remember the last time you hugged me? Because I don't."
Another silence falls between us as my mom takes in my words, and for a moment I'm expecting her to get defensive. But then she sighs and says, "I love you so much, Gen. And I know what you mean. I'm so busy all the time. Running around taking care of Viv, or catching Ava before she gets herself into trouble. I guess you kind of have fallen by the wayside with me, haven't you?" I nod my head slowly as tears burn my own eyes. "I'm so sorry. It's not my intention to do that to you. And if you catch me doing it, please say something. With your sisters, sometimes I feel a bit like I'm lost in the woods. It's okay to call my name, honey. Sometimes I need that to find my way back."
"I just... I hate taking your attention away from them," I whisper, feeling suddenly ashamed of my own feelings. My hand slides across my face, wiping the tears off my cheeks. "They need you. And I'm doing okay on my own."
My mom shakes her head and holds my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. "No, Genevieve. You're not. Look at you. You're in the hospital after being attacked in a back alley. You have seven stiches in the back of your head, and you're still recovering from a concussion. We're lucky you're even talking right now. You really could've been killed. You are not doing okay on your own. And I am so sorry I made you think you were on your own. I love you just as much as your sisters. You may not need me as much as they do, but you still need me. And I promise I'll try to be better at being here for you."
I'm starting to think I'm dreaming. But then my mom wraps her arms around me in a tight embrace, and a wave of pain crashes through my body. I'm definitely not dreaming if a hug hurts this much. But I don't stop her. Instead I embrace the pain and hug her back, because I don't know when I'll get another one. She says she's going to try to do better, but I know her. She'll get lost again, and I'll fall by the wayside once more. But at least now I know she loves me. And I know it's okay to force her to look at me sometimes. That's all I ever really needed from her. The rest will figure itself out.
The doctors keep me in the hospital for a few days so they can monitor me. They run several scans of my head, making sure there's no brain bleeding before I'm released back into the wild. Meanwhile, the police do their best to keep me posted on the case. So far, they haven't found J, and I'm guessing they never will. I tell myself it'll be fine. That it wasn't meant to be. But knowing I lost out on the opportunity to go to pastry school breaks my heart.
Over the few days I'm in the hospital, I keep hoping to have a private moment with Vale. I can't fix the problems with school, but I think maybe I can fix the problems with him. All I need is some time to talk with him, just the two of us. But the only time he's in the room with me, he's with his dad, or my mom, or Keke, Ty, and the twins. We're never alone. And on the third day, I'm starting to think maybe he's doing it on purpose. Maybe he doesn't want to be alone with me, because he doesn't want to have the talk we both know we have to have.
Depression sinks its fangs into me like a snake does its pray. So I lost out on the opportunity to go to school. I lost out on the chance to be in a relationship with the man I'm in love with. And I lost about $10,000. Everything hurts, including my eyes from how much I've been crying when no one else is around. When the doctors do finally release me, I find that I don't even care. I don't have much to go home to, and part me of wishes I could just stay in the hospital. But I don't have the money, so I go back home with my tail between my legs, sporting a broken heart on top of it.
It's just a few days until I have to have the money for school, and there's no way I'm going to get it now. But I don't want to just let the deadline pass by either. What if someone is on a waiting list? If they can have my spot, then I'm more than happy to give it to them. It should definitely go to someone who can afford to pay the tuition. So when I get home, I sit at my desk and write out a letter, thanking the school for their consideration, but informing them that I won't be able to attend their fine institution. Then I email it to the head of admissions before I have a chance to change my mind.
After I send the letter, I lay back in my bed and scroll through TikTok, reading all the messages from people asking when my next trade is going to be. Sadness eats away at my soul, and without giving it too much thought, I sit up in bed, smooth down my hair, and hit the record button. I don't have a script this time. And Keke isn't here to help guide me on what to say or how to say it. But I think, for this final video, I need to be on my own.
"Hey, everyone," I say as I lift my hand up in a wave. "Gen here. I've been reading through all your comments, and many of you are asking me when the next trade is going to be. So I thought I would give a quick update." I take a breath, close my eyes, and continue. "A few days ago, I was meeting up with some guy who called himself J downtown to trade the bracelet for a ring. When I got there, he mugged me and took the bracelet. I was rushed to the ER, where they kept me for observation for several days and gave me seven stitches on the back of my head. It's been... rough.
"I just wanted to film this final video to say thank you to everyone who participated in my trading game this summer," I say as I try my best to fight the tears from falling. "I've met so many incredible people. I'm just sorry it had to end this way. I wish you all the best of luck, but for now, I'm going to sign out. And I don't know when I'll be back. Take care everyone. Goodbye." I hit the button to finish the recording, and then I post it without so much as a video description. I have so many followers now that it'll be seen no matter what. And I just don't have it in me to put that much effort into it. It's over. Time to move on.
I fall back into bed again, burying my face in my pillow as I sob into the fabric. It's hard, knowing how close I was to school, to Vale, to having all my dreams come true. Only to blow it at the finish line. I feel so stupid. And I wish, more than anything, that I could go back and time and change everything. Or that I knew how to make it all right again. But I made my bed. Now I have to lay in it. I just wish things were different. And that I didn't feel so completely miserable.
Author's Note:
According to my outline, I only have six chapters left, including the epilogue before I can say I've finished my first draft of A Touch of Cinnamon. I can't believe how close I am to this story being over. I have to say, I'm going to miss it. It's been so fun to write that I'm not sure I'm going to be able to say goodbye. But when one story ends, another begins, and I already have ideas for my next Wattpad project. I can't wait to share it with you all, and I think it'll be much sooner than I initially thought.
As always, I can't wait to see your comments about this chapter. It was touching to me, writing the scene about Gen and her mother. Definitely a moment that was much needed. Let me know what you all think, and I promise you I'll be back again very soon with the next chapter. Take care and stay safe until then, my dears!
XOXO,
~Aly
