Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 112: Lost

Remus woke Sirius up at midnight, first ensuring that everyone else was dead to the world so he didn't disturb them. Remus didn't explain anything, he just told Sirius to get dressed and follow him. Sirius, groggy and bewildered, got out of bed in a daze and started questioning Remus, but he was hurriedly shushed. Confused, and already slightly irritated, he began to pull on his jeans but Remus stopped him.

"Wear your favourite outfit," he said. Sirius squinted at him, but Remus went to his trunk and picked out a few clothes. A sparkly skirt borrowed from Dorcas, a loose button-up shirt that was patterned with large flowers, a butterfly hair tie that Sirius rarely wore. All the clothes had been borrowed from the girls' dorm, and Sirius loved to wear them.

"Why?" Remus handed them out to her.

"It's a surprise." Sirius slowly took them from him and looked at them for a moment.

"What are you doing?" Remus didn't respond, he simply took the hair tie and stood behind Sirius, brushing her hair with his fingers, braiding two strands and tying them together behind his head, goddess-style.

"Put on the clothes," said Remus. "I'll be back in a moment." He went to the bathroom, where he was keeping his own outfit for the night. It was probably one of the bolder outfits he had ever worn, an outfit he never thought he'd wear outside of a drunken night in the pub, but he was doing this for Sirius. Not only that, but it was time he began to step out of his comfort zone and be less conservative when it came to gender roles, because he was at risk of turning into his dad otherwise. As it turned out, just because he was trans, it didn't mean he was immune to judgement. The argument with Sirius had been a wake up call, but he knew all along that he was probably the most conformist out of his whole group of friends. It made him realise that just because he cared so much about his gender, it didn't mean that other people had to. Perhaps if he let go those feelings of disgust towards wearing anything feminine, he would actually end up enjoying himself, because on the rare times he had loosened up enough to do so, he had always been surprised by how much fun he'd had in a skirt. If he was going to insult Sirius for wearing feminine clothing, he might as well be a hypocrite while he said it. At least then he could be more sympathetic to Sirius's viewpoint. It was his attempt to make it up to his girlfriend, and he hoped Sirius would notice that.

Remus put on the skirt he had borrowed from Lily and matched it with his white school shirt. He unbuttoned it so that he could see his top surgery scars and tucked it into the skirt hem. He supposed it was sort of a... slutty look that made him feel quite empowered when he spotted his exposed chest in the mirror. The scars were still very visible, but he had been taking care of them every day, so they didn't look as shocking as they had when he'd first revealed them. He liked to show them off almost as a trophy, and when better to do it than on a night out with his girlfriend? He accessorised with a few bracelets and his favourite pair of sword earrings. He looked at himself in the mirror again and he liked what he saw. His hair was growing out, falling across his face and he couldn't deny that... he looked hot. He was at least glad that he didn't feel nearly as dysphoric as he thought he would, and he was rather cheerful as he left the bathroom.

Sirius was by her bed, and Remus was glad to see that she had obliged with putting the new clothes on. She looked beautiful, as was to be expected, and she looked surprised when she caught sight of Remus.

"Wh—."

"Shh." Remus went over and placed a spare necklace he had around her neck. "You look gorgeous." Sirius smiled, but she turned to him with an almost pleading look in her eye.

"What are you doing this for?"

"I'm doing it to apologise," replied Remus. "I said a stupid thing and you didn't deserve it at all. You're beautiful, whether you're a boy or a girl or neither or whatever, and I shouldn't make you feel bad about that, because it sucks."