🖤His soul tainted by the devil 🖤was my angel call🤍 KIMCHAY AU 🤍

8. Alright 🌋

Everything was alright. Everything was so good. Everything went so well. Kim was strong, Kim was a rock, Kim was his own rock, Kim had beaten the memory up. He wasn't just here crying, he wasn't anymore letting tears fall. He could feel bad sometimes but it meant nothing next to his strength. So hard, able to resist everything, he was just getting back the power he had let go. It was just a simple wandering, he wasn't like this, it wasn't him and knew now that he was able to go over what happened.

It was stated. This man had been manipulative. Porchay was right. He had been manipulative and Kim just ran into the broken mirror thinking that it was still reflecting a dream. But it was revealed. No more trap. This man had been manipulative and after anzlyzing it with Porchay, he never ever tried to talk, or not make sense about all of it. It happened. It was real. Not everyone was good, not everyone had bad intent too, he just got really unlucky. He was also tired at this period and young. It explained. It was logical, he just fell some stairs but not the whole building.

And his whole building was up. It wasn't put on fire, it wasn't shaken by the trembling of his emotions. He was a steady tower. Kim always had been, he just forgot that he was. It was nothing bad in a way. Thinking about it now, and it was rare, really rare, that experience made him learn a lot. It was a much needed slap, even if he didn't know what slap he deserved.

After that night where he sobbed to the point of wishing to never be able to tear up again. After feeling so bad looking at the ceiling, witnessing his presence everywhere, Kim was finally free. He didn't think of him. He didn't suffer from him. He was going ahead. He was walking and not wandering anymore and he loved that. Everyone settled on what Kim felt. Kim said. They believed his words. They believed their friend. Kim was the only one to not believe it, or more like he couldn't see that he was himself not believing this.

He did for three years the best he could : abandoning himself.

Kim wasn't conscious about this at all. He chose himself, he chose to not let this get in his way. He was above that. But he was also above all he felt, his feelings, his smashed and killed emotions by the deadly weapons, this man's existence. It went silent. It was the past. He never saw him again. He could never think about him again. In reality, he was doing so good, ignoring the volcano in his chest. Ignoring the lava in his brain, both connected by his mind and heart.

He ignored simple signs. Stiff when a couple was around. Only able to watch straight series about love. Getting some nightmares, and thinking that it was just one moment of his past fear, when it was the fog suddenly errupting, not able to stay anymore. But it still didn't explode.

Kim became less focused on emotions than he ever had been. He was just going around, feeling as if he was himself but loosing day after day the sensation to trully believe who he was. The lies just got to his core, wondering clearly if his stability was still one after someone checked it this much. But it was better to let it aside, more like he wasn't conscious to let it aside.

'We did it again! Oops~" Chan laughed imitating his fav song.

"This was...really something." Yok mocked him lightly.

"So...do we go somewhere?" Kim asked calmly, all still so surprised.

Kim never had been the one to really walk away. He also never had been the one to drink a lot but since some years he was just having a lot of fun, incluant parties and drinks in it. Not too much. Never too much. But it was still different from the Kim they knew. He looked good, it was all they needed.

"We can go to the restaurant?" Porchay asked, he knew that Kim wouldn't drink too much there.

"What do you think Kim?" Yok asked.

"If Chay wants it, it's perfect." He just sincerely smiled, making the younger one guilty, but it was for his own good.

The two boys got closer through years. Kim just found someone he wouldn't say anything to but still someone who knew, promised to just stop talking about this, and never let down those words. Porchay was just a soft wave on the fire, melting away the breakdown for some time. He was soft and kind, he was attentive and listening. All Kim needed, all Kim didn't use. Their friendship was enough to make of their life a better place, but still not a better heart for Kim. Still so secret, still so closed even if he looked fakely great. Everything was kinda working out expect his family.

"I am okay." Kim repeated. Always. Again and again. He could fool everyone but it was harder for his brothers. Tankhun was kinda doubting something happened but Kinn witnessed. He saw how Kim stopped watching his favorite series, he saw how he began to stop eating some food. How he began to not wear anymore loved clothes. How he was sometimes lost in his mind, a lot, as if clouds had made their home in his brain.

Kim was far away from who he was but couldn't stay away from the image his closest ones had of him. All they knew was that they broke up. All they saw was that Kim had never been the same since that moment.

Tankhun had a special way to end it all. He got a plan, only he knew because Kinn was too understanding to be a part of it. He pushed Kim to his limit about watching movies together. He really, really wanted to find through the screen all different reactions Kim could have. All different ways for him to find clues. And Kim had none, accepting to just participate in those movie parties, thinking that it would just be a great time with his brother.

Until he saw this. Until he couldn't stop seeing this. Until the volcano exploded, spreading its lava from Kim, but staying on him, to melt him and erase the last thorns and barriers he had developed to ignore what had been one the traumatic experiences of his life.