Minutes pass like this.
I gaze at him, he gazes at me. His eyes are dark with fear and vulnerability. Non of us talks.
When Porco got out of ear shot, Levi moved up, looking down at me.
"You..." He cuts himself off.
I stand up too, looking after Porco.
Levi suddenly grabs me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him.
"You almost moved!" He shout whispers, the pain in his voice is palable. In that very moment I understand why he is so shocked.
"You were about to chose him over... Me...?" He shutters a bit, but before I could defend myself he turns and walks away.
I gaze after him, then into the direction where Porco left. But this time I don't hesitate to follow Levi.
I quickly catch up to him, walking behind him closely.
It takes hours to reach our safe zone, where the others are waiting for us, but we finally arrive exhausted.
"Thank god you're here!" Armin jumps into my arms as soon as he sees me. Hange greets Levi, while Eren walks up to me.
"What took you so long?" Eren asks, kindly invading my personal space, but I let him and surprise him with a tight hug. I pour all the stress and anxiety into the hug that piled up inside of me during the past few hours. Eren notices this and raises an eyebrow.
"I ran out of gas, so we had to walk." I answer, everyone seems relieved, Hange helps Levi's gear off of him.
"That must have been tough... Levi... Your gas is half full..." She looks at him, he simply nods and leaves.
Everyone gazes at me.
"I... Didn't know..."
"Hey, guys... Let's go our separate ways." Hange says in a motherly way and looks at me with gentle pity. "Don't worry about him. I'll talk to him." She leaves after him.
Then Eren steps closer to me.
"You know you can talk to me, right?" He whispers. I nod at him, but then I lock eyes with Jean.
My blood freezes when I see the dired up blood on his clothes and his expression... Of someone who just saw a ghost.
I walk up to him.
"Jean?"
"Sasha... Is dead..." He says, his voice is cracking, tears flow from his face. "I couldn't just... Leave her there..."
I look over his shoulder and I see a figure under a white sheet.
"You went back for her? But the building was falling apart..."
"It was..." He looks down on his feet, a big red patch on his shoes telling a wole story. "I could have left my right foot there, but I have good reflexes thank god." He jokes, but the tears are still streaming from his eyes. "And Connie..." He pushes me away and walks off.
"He needs time on his own. Two of his best friends are... No longer among us." Armin says. "All we can do now is reach home safely."
"Everything was pointless... They died for nothing..." I whine, but Armin stops me.
"No... Y/n. Quite the opposite. We gained a information that could change our future. Stay tight, I trust you." He says and walks after Jean.
I am left alone with Eren by my side, we both are quiet, but then he gently grabs my arm and starts leading me.
"I'll show you your room." We reach it in no time, but we hear Hange and Levi from the inside.
"Oh... Yeah... We thought you guys would want to sleep in the same room, but now I'm not so convinced about it." He whispers as we're about to leave, but then I hear a part of the conversation.
"You walked back with her and it took hours. Do you know how many dangerous creatures are out there? You could have just grabbed her and fly back."
"I... Wanted her to talk to me, I gave her time."
"So you put her in danger, just because you wanted her to break and apologise first? I don't even know what is this all about, but you're behaving like a child...!"
Hange keeps scolding him, but Eren drags me away from listening too much.
He opens in a room where is only two beds, and Mikasa lays on one of them. We sit down on the other.
"You can sleep here, if you want. I'll find someting else then." Eren says.
"That's really nice of you, Eren. If it's not a problem for you Mikasa..."
She looks up. "Got into an argument with the Captain?"
"Well... It wasn't an argument, but... A misunderstanding I guess. I think we just need time away from each other. I need to think things through..."
"Okay, good. If you wanna talk, Mikasa is really good at listening." Eren is about to leave, but I stop him.
"Just... Stay a bit more..."
~~~~
The next morning, the team gets quickly ready to head back to the walls. I sit behind Eren, since I'm quite afraid I would lose focus and just run away on a horse back.
Only half an hour passes until Levi gets next to us on his usual horse's back.
"Get over." Is all he says.
I open my eyes, seeing him looking at me with a serious expression, as he cathces up next to Eren.
"I don't think she wants to..."
"Cut it out Yeager. You have no word in this."
I hesitate, it looks quite dangerous, I could easily fall. Levi sees this and simply grabs my arm and helps me sit behind him on the horse. I almost fall, but I wrap my arms around him tightly.
He sigh and leads his horse a bit away from the soldiers.
We don't talk, my mind is filled with thoughts about him... The potentional argument and everything that I'm about to remember from my past.
As I fall asleep hugging him, I relive a memory where I have to say goodbye to Porco before I got put down in the middle of nowhere. The last hug before everything changed, the tears... The love... The dream leads me back to the first few years of dating.
Mostly hanging out after practices, training together, him doing push ups, while I sit on his back reading to him from some random book.
Pictures from my past.
Just the feeling of those times, the freedom mixed with responsibility and fear of the future.
"Do you see that one?"
"Which one?"
"The one that outshines all the others."
"The one under the moon? Yeah... That's really pretty."
"You know... Since the first time I saw you... I started coming up here, spending time watching the night sky every single night." Porco says, gently taking my hand in his.
