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Here Comes Your Man, Pixies.
Sirius and Ettie had become a couple very slowly, and with plenty of reluctance from her end, Sirius' ideal relationship was in the palm of his hand. Maybe she tended to be a frightful person, but she knew if a hint of that came Sirius' way, she would've, and to put it simply, fled. But unlike any other years at the wizarding school, Ettie had found herself to be content in her relationship with him. He had treated with the utmost care, kindness and love. And she hoped he wouldn't take this in the wrong way, but she was shellshocked.
He had 't seemed like the type to commit, or to date, to be honest, and Ettie didn't mean that in a way of shaming him, but he just never seemed fussed to be around one girl for a good amount of time. It was uncertain for what she had in store, and Sirius liked that. Their whole fifth year was spent with their pinkies intertwined with one another's in class, along with sappy notes Sirius wrote to her, just to piss her off (even if she blushed profusely), or how him and the Marauders planned a prank on someone that would badmouth their relationship, every time.
Funnily enough, it was bliss. The whole of it. It was all bliss. Seriously, Ettie was confused to as why his surname was Black, not Bliss, it suited him far better. Every ounce or even an inch of Sirius was pure bliss, the way he kissed her forehead after pulling away from a long hug, how he'd smile fondly at her when she would answer a question in class, how he wrapped his arm around her waist, or when he would let her wear his Gryffindor jumper to all his Quidditch matches. And it was all far too good to be true.
Exactly that.
Because only up until recently, it was swell, just as described. However, Sirius had grown distant, letting himself limit himself from his personal 'Ettie Time'. In the last two weeks or so, he was unable to have fought against the thought of spending summer with his bastards of parents, and although he loved Regulus very much deep down, Sirius knew to his very core, it was soon to be his little brother's time to serve his purpose to the Dark Lord. Like a never ending ticking clock. And that was what made Sirius shit bricks, that's what made him a disturbing kind of silent.
Anyone knew Sirius could never shut up his gob, and Ettie only knew this the best of all. He was always off on a tangent, he would always complain, stress out, or boast. She didn't want Sirius to hide himself away, especially when she had three special words to slip out—and it wasn't like she wasn't confident he wouldn't say it back, she had known then that he felt the same, seeming as he confessed his oh so undying love to her once while drunk. It might've been a little cringe, but Ettie just laughed. She felt too cowardly to bring it up, of course.
She noticed Sirius' tardiness to lessons, or how his eyes had no sense of familiarity, or how anytime she would be around him, he would avert his gaze to somewhere, or someone else. Ettie couldn't remember the last time they had a real conversation, she couldn't remember the last time he didn't just meet with her to make out. It was strange. She had found herself in Dark Arts classroom, only two weeks till Summer Holiday to spare. Her blue eyes darted at the back of his hair, as he sat in front of her.
She blows the note—with most discretion and a good Swish and flick! towards him, and watched his slumped figure sit up, only a teensy amount. The ripped up piece of paper wrote—
Siri, I miss you, meet at Astronomy Tower tonight? Ettie xx
He had exhaled a sigh, a pretty loud one at that, his eyes rubbed at, the inside of his cheek gnawed at. There was blatant worry and concern in Ettie's eyes when he had turned to face her, nodding in response. Sirius still thought her smile was the prettiest.
✺
He had given her a small kiss on her cheek within greeting her. His eyes were stoic and cold. She wore her hair down, it was loose and it was glowing in the night's sun.
"Hey, I missed you. You ok?" Her smile was small, yet was as radiant as a harsh sun beam. It took him a good minute to reply. Because, he knew. He knew he wasn't ok. He knew that being with Ettie Potter was a blessing, yet a curse. And he knew that only being with him was a curse.
"Listen, I missed you too—trust me, I still do, but I just—fuck, Ettie." His voice was practically silent, his voice only being able to whisper her name. He was too ashamed, and he knew if he had said it any louder, he would've ended up doing something even more stupid. He had to keep his voice calm. He had to.
It was as if she knew. It was something she had been dreading, and thinking about, relentlessly. "You know you have me, right? You have me with you, at anytime." Her hand caressed his cheek, she had found herself only wanting to comfort the boy. He was cold. He had practically shuddered at Ettie's touch.
"I'm really sorry, I just—I can't do it. I can't do any of this." He had stated this before moving away, standing by the balcony of said tower. Her brows furrowed, her hair had begun to blow in the wind, and she moved besides Sirius. She shook her head,
"No, I think you're scared, Sirius. And for whatever reason it is, I don't think it's worth it at all. Because one thing I do know is that we work." Her stare looked upon Sirius, his watercolour eyes are what met hers. And Merlin, he had to know she loved him.
"It may be pathetic, Ettie—but it's not working. At least in my eyes. Ok, I'm sorry. I'm just not sure." He had weaselled his way out with a lie. She tutted in return, anger was now clearly making its way into the mix.
"How isn't it working? Only last week we were going on dates, you were buying me Chocolate Frogs, I bought you shit from Zunko's, we were always together. It's only this week you've been off, you've been distant. If this is the real reason, because you don't think it's working, then I'm sorry, because that makes you a massive prick." It was a clear message, and even if he had heard it, Sirius ignored it. In the ear and out the other one.
"Guess I'm a major prick."
She scoffed, "Seriously?"
"I can make a joke about that if you want." He let out a dry laugh. What a knob, is all Ettie thought. What a knob, for all the tears gushing down her cheeks.
What a knob, for she really loved him. "I fucking love you." Is all she said. Her tears fell down her cheek, more and more.
"I know, I do too."
"Why are you leaving then?"
No response, however, as his feet and legs walked themselves, out of the Astronomy Tower.
