his hostage II JJK X Y/N II

43 - Switch

"But-"

Before I get a chance to say anything more, the ebony haired exits the room in a rush, his facial expression cadaver-like, not just sagged but lacking it's usual liveliness completely, as if he had left his spirit snuggling under the duvet. His eyelids look droopy and there is a slight lolling to his head as he leaves me and the teddy bear keychain alone by ourselves.

"How weird..." I mumble, fiddling with the little toy in my hand.

I'm sure I had this exact same teddy when I was a kid, it's so clear in my memory. Jungkook and his friends are giving me fragments of my past but I'm still unable to join them together.

And about jung hoseok...something seemed to be off about him, he was probably trying to hide something from me.

I want to know what it could be yet I, at the same time, don't want to force him or make him feel uncomfortable.

When will I get to know the truth?

Now only one person can give answers to all of my questions, kang jinwoo.

Leaning back on the couch, I look up at the ceiling in wonder and unexpectedly get a glimpse of my mom's lifeless irises when she was stabbed, those widened dark brown eyes which were drained of all the energy.

Like a horror movie her face plays again and again in my mind as if somehow my brain was unwilling to let the images go and in it's attempt to analyse them it makes me see it all over again.

I stare out of the window at the scudding gray clouds and long to be amongst them, soaring and carefree. I know the more I try to suppress my memories, the more they will play again, but I cannot help it. In moments, I will be back in mister kang's alley with the cold blackness pushing in on me and I'll never get to know the real me so I need to get used to it.

Clutching the plushie tighter, I let out an exhausted sigh and stand up to go to the washroom, "fuck it" I mumble and reach my hand out to grab some vaseline along with the lemon 'flavoured' pads.

•

"Fuck fuck fuck no, shit!" A trail of curses leave my mouth as I apply a finger tip full of antiseptic on my tattoo.

The pain was exquisite, debilitating and let's say the worst burning sensation I had ever felt, worse than actually being burned even though I've never been burned till now.

I could barely see my rib at this point due to my eyes getting blurry with tears but I had to get it over with if I didn't want to catch some sort of infection.

Kicking the dress which had already reached the level of my ankles away, I stare at my almost-fully-naked body and clench my teeth in nothing except pure pain.

The ink was hurting way more than the fresh wound on my thigh and it was actually concerning since I knew tattoo infections were not something easy to heal.

"I'm dying" I whine and run my fingers through my scalp before proceeding to pat my sweaty cheeks.

All I could do was writhe and whimper occasionally, the annoying sounds escaping to echo off the walls.

Come on, I had been trying to complete this anti infection project for the past fifteen minutes now but everytime my fingers brushed against the skin of my upper torso, my whole body shook in a tingly sensation.

"I.am.not.a.crybaby" I state with bold confidence and give a last stroke of lube to my below armpit area which makes me shriek on the inside.

"don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry-"

"Y/N?"

Nearly jumping at the sound of another guy calling my name, I shut my eyes close and huff out a breath in tiredness, "who is it?"