Futile Struggles ꮽ Saltburn

⠀ ⠀ ⠀[001] Exhaustion tugs on the rising chest of this slumbering girl.

          THE BOUNDING twitch of a rabbit's nose and the thumping of the woodland floor. prancing in the flush, stood a prideful buck succumbing to the ills of the mortal flesh. life without the father, she never once met, created a desire for collection in her dreamy youthful vision. big, small, round, smooth, dirtied — all the smaller relics found home within her palms. out in the yard, muddy, flipping stones over to see the beetles squirm beneath the rays of the dancing sun. she collected all that could be salvage. although, her mother never understood the fascination, she allowed it. better that abigail focused her attention on god's plentiful land than the ominous snipping of white oleander petals.
THEY SAID on the muted televisions that the lovely miss winters was convicted of two counts of attempted murder. she was swiftly placed into a correctional facility while her daughter, abigail was whisked away. destined to spend the rest of her years in the guardianship of the gavey family. a stable pair that had since lost control of their overzealous first-born. the expression on their bewildered faces during the first arrival would remain tethered to the bone of her skull.
A VERY young abigail would always be compared to the recklessness of a wild foal. always behaving in such a way that raised the brows of an otherwise boring community. she was all teeth during this phase of her painful growth. chasing, seeking, desperate for the relief of a mother's cashmere hug. a deer, a bambi, lost to freezing birthdays spent after christmas with only a letter. the words were meaningless and revealed little.
THE NEEDLE tucked away under the ribcage leaves an impression, a prick snipping away until crimson rises to the surface. squeezing its way out from beneath layers of skin. it bled and bled and bled. all the way to church on sunday mornings then to classes held during the weekdays. for the longest time — abigail experienced an out-of-body sensation. all the growing pains only served to become material for her obsessive etchings. found in the dimly lit corner of a library, pencil against paper. she wrote the manifestos of ancient gods, the solutions of fluttering angels, unicorns basking in the sun, and words that she picked up while browsing the underbelly of gossip forums. being able to escape into a world of her own making was all she wanted until high school ended and her shrinking guardians shooed her away to a scenic beauty.
STANDING IN the misty cerulean morning, the campus reminded her of descriptions she wrote inside her weathered spiral notebooks. trees that stretch towards the sky, smell of fresh-cut grass, and overnight sprinklers. the split apart smell of bark not far off underneath the intensity of sprinkled rain. "you'll love it here, abigail."— ". . . this perfect for you" her brother, michael urged. trying to prim the girl to the idea and ease her into the hunger all comfortable people share. look how nice, look how beautiful, this could be yours! this could be yours! as they strolled down the golden route towards where tours were held, there was a boiling sensation scratching its way up the gavey's spine.  coming to a standstill, she mimics the trees. eyes darting the tree line for the source of her dread. blood pressure rising until it clips itself on her vertebrae.
IT NEVER reveals itself, but she knows it's out there. even after enrolling, mastering her studies, and skyrocketing up the social latter. abigail still can feel its gaze from far away corners of her vision. a scratching, digging, unsettling accumulation of midnight revulsions. there's only so many times a girl can smile in the face of preppy stained socialites and daddy's money pristine white teeth. the same teeth that remind her of her estranged mother's oleander petals — of the pearly white rocks stashed away in a sickly pastel childhood bedroom — of the spotless white marble of her bathroom sink. god, the same white teeth she dreamt of mercilessly pulling out of their silver-tongued mouths. however, this urge to scrub the world of their tasteless whines, privileged glimmers, and well-breed arches was always ignored. instead, abigail sunk into what she already knew. turning her head away, smiling blissfully, she forced herself to stay locked entirely on a starling perfection.

          THE FEELING of loneliness is something the young gavey was oh-so use to. it was a familiar, comfortable feeling that she always came back to. no friends, no social interactions besides the occasional conversation with her professors or a simple meek conversation with someone she was tutoring. but abigial stuck to herself and what she knew best. abigail was never one for parties, nor was she one for making friends. so, while people were at some loud, obnoxious party she was in her room. and that's where oliver found her.
        OLIVER DIDN'T understand what caused his infatuation with the docile girl, but he just couldn't keep her off his mind. every waking moment he would dream, sleep, and eat thinking about her. constantly thinking of things like 'is she thinking about me too?' 'does she love me back?' 'of course she does, she looks at me in english. she loves me.' he liked to think it wasn't an obsession, it was more of his way of protecting her. she was oh-so naively stupid, her nose always in a book, never watching her surrounding. but he was always there to watch and protect, always.
AS HE always does, he "coincidentally" bumped into the meek girl, knocking all of her beaten journals out from her hands. she stayed quiet, only letting out a small sound that sounded close to a grunt. he looked down at the girl on the ground, her hair hiding her beautiful blue eyes from his line of vision. he leaned down towards her, looking at her with concern. "are you okay?" he asked, extending his hand down for her to grab so he could help her stand up. she just stared, gawking at him in what seemed to look like... fear? he felt his heart throb within his ribcage, his eyes flashing with hurt for a second. she looked up at him, and as quick as that look of hurt crossed his eyes, he blinked it away. he smiled, his heart thumping wildly within his ribs. she looked him over quickly, scanning him as if she were trying to figure out his motives.
"DO YOU . . . uh, possibly want to get a drink?" he asked, standing next to the girl he had knocked over an hour ago. she frowned her brows at his words, smiling somewhat uncomfortably. "oh um, i don't drink." she stated, subconsciously chewing on her chapped bottom lip with her teeth. he knew that already, he knew everything about her. "oh, i didn't know . . . sorry for asking." he said softly, she shook her head, her smile that was once an uncomfortable one, turned to a soft, genuine one. "no, it's okay. you didn't know.  i just, i'm not like one of those people who use to drink all the time, i just — never wanted to do it before." she said, feeling the need to explain herself.
THEY FOUND themselves sitting at a pub, talking as she sipped from her beer. she hadn't even realized the time, nor had she realized how long they've been there either. "wow, it's getting late." he stated, and she reluctantly looked at him with a look of fear in her eyes. "what time is it?" she asked softly. he shrugged, as if the question she asked wasn't a big deal. "probably... yeah, a little after 1am? why, do you have to be somewhere tomorrow?" her happy face turned sour. "i.... yeah. i have a writing essay due tomorrow." she said meekly, he nodded. "oh yeah, i forgot about that." he said. he was lying obliviously, he cared about his grades. "i can walk you to your dorm, if that's okay with you?" "yeah sure!" she said in response.
WHEN THEY arrived towards her dormitory, she turned towards him shyly. "thank you for tonight, that was... really fun." she said, "have a good night oliver." she added before she turned on her heels and went up towards her room. he watched, muttering under his breath a goodbye as well. he stayed there for a while, staring up at her window obsessively, watching as she walked through the door, turning on her bedroom light turn on before taking a seat at her desk to look over her essay.

a/n: 1431 words... wow. anyways, i hope you liked the first chapter. i'll probably take a small break before uploading the second chapter. i really hope y'all will enjoy this as much as i am enjoying this. don't be afraid to give feedback, etc.