I Want You To Be My Last

Part 38.2 - I'm Yours

The way he was gripping his phone tightly and pressing it firmly against his ear was so telling that he was glad no one was around to witness it, to see him stumble off the bed as he answered the call hoping he didn't sound as shaky as he felt as he said hello.

"Baby." and there it was, the voice he'd been missing all day whispering in his ear, breathless and a little shaky. God, Gulf missed him so much he ached in the most unflattering ways, wishing P'Mew was near so he could reach  out to him and hold him tight.

"P'Mew," he croaked out, his voice shaking too, but he guessed there was no helping it. "Hey." he added, feeling slightly out of it when P'Mew laughed in answer as if his sudden bashfulness was tickling the older man for some goddamn reason.

"Um, what's funny?"

P'Mew was still chuckling when he retorted, amusement coloring his tone.

"Hmm, nothing baby. I'm just finding you so adorable right now that I don't know how to handle it. I'm sorry for laughing, I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I just. You're so cute. And I don't know how to express that feeling when you're not in front of me or close to me where I can easily cuddle you or kiss you if I want to. I - God, I miss you too, baby. So much, you have no idea."

He harrumphed, but it was half-hearted at best given that he was grinning like mad and he was having trouble suppressing his own giggles as it was.

"You read my messages then?" it wasn't a question, but he could phrase it however he liked. Given that P'Mew was still huffing softly in answer, Gulf figured his reaction was - appreciated.

"Every single one of them, yes. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to them when I had the chance to check my phone. I have to leave right away once I'm done talking to my lawyers so I can come here as fast as I can."

That seriously got him curious. "Uh, and where is here, exactly?"

"Here. Open your window and look outside, Gulf. Do it now, baby. Come on." P'Mew was saying, prompting him to do what he's asked before he even realized he was doing it. He was scrambling off the bed without waiting permission from his brain, almost stumbling as he went.

-

"No, just stay there, baby. Just let me look at you." P'Mew kept on insisting, and it was annoying knowing he had a point. Going out there meant risking someone spotting them, and the last thing he wanted was to create more trouble for P'Mew on top of the million other shit he had to deal with at the moment.

He kept a tight grip on his phone and stared, his breath hitching at the sight of P'Mew there, clad in all black, helmet in hand and leaning back against a sleek black motorcycle the older man had ridden to get there. He was standing right across the street from their home, under a dim lamp post that made him look even more arresting from afar despite the semi-darkness.

But despite knowing it was him, Gulf couldn't make out the older man's face because of the mask he was still wearing and that added to the frustration buzzing under his skin.

Still, the fact wasn't enough to stop him from swooning.

His throat dry and his mouth even more so, he asked, voice shaking. "I didn't even know you own a bike. How come you never told me?" he almost sounded accusing, but only because he was trying to keep a leash on his emotion trying to spill out of him in a rush.

God, just the thought of P'Mew riding that bike in the middle of the night just to see him was making him feel things he was honestly not prepared for.

"I didn't think it was important? Also, I rarely get the chance to ride her as much as I want to, but I figured I would get here faster riding her than if I drove my car." P'Mew explained.

Damn, that was so hot. P'Mew was hitting all of his hot buttons all at once and it was frustrating as hell. Being here, standing so far away from him when they could simply meet in the middle and hold each other up or something.

"Fuck."

"Baby?" P'Mew sounded confused.

"You can't honestly tell me that and expect me not to want to kiss you senseless, P'Mew. Fuck, you're so hot and this is so frustrating," he gritted, aware the conversation alone was making him hot and bothered the longer it went on.

"Are you sure I can't go down and stand at the front gate where I can see you clearly? I can't make out your face from this far, Phi." he was full on complaining but fuck if he cared.

"Or better yet, why don't you just come inside and introduce yourself? My parents won't mind having you over. They know you. I can even tell my mom to cook you that less spicy Pad Krapao for dinner. Please, Phi. You're already here anyway. You just need to take those brave few steps to the front gate and -"

"Baby, no," P'Mew was quickly cutting him off. "I can't. I want to, don't get me wrong, but not now. Not tonight. I'd love to be introduced to your family, I swear, but I'd rather it happen when I have straightened out this shit and I have something much better to offer your parents should they ask me how I'm planning on fixing this problem that somehow got their beloved son involved. So please, baby. Give me a little more time to fix this. I am fixing this, I promise."

The whine that pulled itself out from the back of his throat was surprising as it was embarrassing, but he ignored it.

"I know you are doing everything you can, Phi, I know that, but you can't expect me to just sit around and wait until you're done being the hero. I want to support you, I want to be there for you the way I wasn't able to back then. Please, Phi."

"You're doing that and more by being patient, Gulf. Believe me, this isn't easy for me either. God knows I want to be with you all the time but I can't be so selfish, I can't, baby, because if I do that, I'll ruin you and that's not something I will be able to forgive myself for in the long run. So let me fix this first. I promise it won't be for long now. You just have to be patient, Gulf. Please be a little more patient with me, baby, I beg you."

"P'Mew -"

"I'll think of something, okay? In a few days maybe, but I promise I'll make it work. I want to see you too, baby, you have no idea." P'Mew was saying next, his tone marred with tenderness that made Gulf's heart ache in a completely different way.

"I can be extra careful, Phi. I can do that. Just tell me when and tell me where and I'll meet you there. Just please, let me see you. I want to be able to hold you and kiss you, not like this, not this way, Phi."

P'Mew's breath was ragged and it mirrored the way his own rumbled its way out his chest when drew a deep, shuddering breath in answer.

"I feel the same way, Gulf. Believe me, I feel the same way." it wasn't the admission that almost made him weep, but the emotion in the older man's voice as he spoke the words for Gulf to hear.

"I love you, P'Mew." he whispered, meaning it with all of his heart.

"I love you too, baby. So much, I love you so much. Please wait for me. Tell me you'll wait for me."

He nodded and nodded again, uncaring whether P'Mew couldn't see him. He lifted a hand to his mouth and pressed a lingering kiss into the center of his palm. Then, he turned his hand around, waving, hoping the gesture was enough to convey everything he wanted to tell P'Mew now, and everything he wished to tell him in person that he couldn't at present because of the circumstances.

P'Mew did the same, and despite it, despite the silliness with which they were communicating, the heaviness that lingered around the general vicinity of his heart was there. Still, being here, watching P'Mew from afar, his heart swelled with love he had no intention to contain as he waved his hand around and smiled, wondering and equal parts hoping P'Mew could see him.

"Always, Phi," he whispered, his voice shaking along with the rest of him. "You never even need to ask."