When The Clock Hits Twelve

Menarche

MY FIRST PERIOD.

For those who doesn't know, "menarche" is the first occurance of menstruation, usually experienced by the girls aging from 11 to 15, depending on how late or advanced is the development of their body.

However, in my case, it happened on a summer break when I was just barely ten.

It was morning when I heard my mother freaked out in the bathroom and immediately got out even when she just entered in.

I was just sitting mindlessly on the sofa that's not much away from the bathroom as our house isn't really big. Just a typical house in a third-world-country that fits a family of four.

My brother and I were waiting for her to have our breakfast, but she hurried in asking, "Whose blood was on the toilet seat?"

Recalling our faces back on that moment, we were all puzzled. I remember my mother's worry on her face, especially by knowing the fact that it can't be hers as she just woke up and she just finished her period.

My older brother denied that it was his. He used the bathroom before me. And I also denied that it was mine as I was clueless. I don't know how come I wasn't aware of what's happening with my body. But I was confident that it's not mine. Probably, because I was still sleepy when I went in for a pee.

It took her quite a long time of convincing before she let go of the mystery for a while as it still remained unanswered. But I think at that time, she already had something in mind. She is my mother after all. A mother would know even when you don't say a word.

The "mystery of a blood droplet on the toilet seat" was finally solved when it was time for a shower. And yes, I still have no idea that I'm already having my period until I saw a patch of blood on my underwear. You must be thinking how gross was that moment.

Well, I was horrified to say the least.

As a very young lady, that kind of scenario never came in my mind ever before. I had no idea that it would happen to me at such an age. I could remember my hands shaking.

I was nine.

And I thought that "periods" are just for the adult women. I never expected that I would need to deal with that already.

The worries about how do I manage to change my pad at school crossed in my mind. Yep, how do I tell this to my friends? Or, should I be telling this to them in the first place? My younger self was completely embarrassed about a normal thing. Which was kind of also my regret to let myself think that way.

I had to tell my mother about it and I told her after shower. I remember how I stuttered a lot while trying to tell her.

It's just that, I wasn't ready. And I don't think that anybody at my age would be ready for it. It's not that I am expected to be ready. But by knowing the other part of having period such as the possibility of getting pregnant, the expectation that I would have to take care of myself and be responsible enough, follows. The thought of growing up terrifies me.

My mother taught me all the things that I need to know. How to stick my pad on my underwear. Why am I not allowed to sleep on my back when I am on my period. How long can I have my pad on. The purpose of pantyliners. And how to take care of myself.

Having my menarche ignited for all of these adult things to pop-up inside my head, especially that in Filipino culture and beliefs, once you had your period, you're already adulting. It has a scientific basis and is true, but it associates with societal expectations, streotypes and beliefs. They are not toxic, but they are something to get pressured about, to get insecured about because you'll feel like an odd one among your friends since you're experiencing a biological event that you can't escape and that's not usual at your age.

But the important thing to note about this whole thing is to be educated on how we shouldn't be embarrassed about the normal things and how we shouldn't mind the opinions of others that wouldn't get us on the right way of thinking.

Having pimples, gaining or losing weight, being short, having skin allergy, discoloration, black underarms, fat bellies, unproportionate facial features... et cetera. They are natural, yet things that we are so insecure about.

They are flaws that makes a person a human. These are the things that we should learn to accept and love as a part of us.